Tag: ownyourshit

  • Choose your moment

    Choose your moment

    We all have a touch of insanity that threatens to overwhelm us at times.

    Instead of competing to be heard above the noise of the madness around you, your sanity may be better served by finding peace in being able to choose your madness.

    When we lose sight of what is important because we’re focused on being heard, we lose ourselves to the effort of competing with the struggles of others.

    If everyone focuses on wanting to have their struggles honoured, who will find time to rise above it?

    We’re human. By design, we are emotional beings.

    But we must recognise that our emotions make us aware of how we are experiencing something, while our intellect enables our response to it.

    When we honour our emotions above all else, we deny ourselves the opportunity to learn from the experience so that we may rise above it.

    We must find balance in everything, even in our emotional expression, or else we risk losing ourselves to the very thing we claim to define our space in this world.

    Choose your moments.

    Choose your battles.

    Choose your audience.

    Not every moment is yours to claim.

    Not every battle needs to be fought.

    Not every audience is committed to hearing your story, or honouring your struggle.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Own your life

    Own your life

    Note to self: When you allow yourself to be defined by the scepticism of others, you impose their limitations on yourself.

    Recognising that all mental and emotional limitations are self-imposed is critical to growth.

    These limitations are revealed in how we believe we are compelled to respond to someone or some experience.

    It is revealed in how we believe in our ability to do the extraordinary, while our support structure, or our tribe convinces us that we’re supposed to focus on responsibility only.

    It is revealed when we look for validation and approval for our aspirations or ambitions, before we commit ourselves wholeheartedly towards its pursuit.

    The greatness that exists in all of us is often snuffed out by our need to be accepted before we pursuit that which will set us apart.

    Whose permission are you waiting for before you unleash your passion, or pursue your dream?

    Tomorrow is not guaranteed, but death bed regrets are…if you don’t live a life that duly honours the struggles of your life.

    Own your life. Before someone else does.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Are you grateful for you?

    Are you grateful for you?

    Whenever asked about gratitude, the inevitable response is one that is focused on everything we have around us.

    Sometimes, we consider our health and our skills.

    At other times we recognise the value of things not being as bad as they could have been.

    And we convince ourselves that this is being grateful.

    But how often do we stop to contemplate gratitude for the traits and attributes that we have which makes our appreciation of all of that possible?

    How often do we stop to appreciate the essence of who we are, and the tough and selfless choices that we made under difficult circumstances, when we could easily have taken the selfish or easy way out?

    This is not about judging the choices that we’ve made, but about recognising how we still showed up, with conviction, to do our best to make something good out of a bad situation.

    You cannot nurture that which you don’t acknowledge to be true. So how are you going to nurture the value of who you are, if your gratitude is only focused on what you have?

    Striking a balance between selfishness and gratitude for the self is what makes the difference between being defined by your struggles in life, versus defining the outcomes of the struggles of your life.

    You won’t be able to determine the difference if you lack gratitude for who you are, and what your contribution is towards improving the state of your life, and the lives of those around you.

    The next time you contemplate what you’re grateful for, be sure to include yourself in that moment of reflection.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Growth is inevitable

    Growth is inevitable

    This was an important realisation that has carried me through many difficult experiences in life.

    What’s even more important to realise is that when we choose a positive growth for ourselves, there is no guarantee that the people around us will choose the same.

    Don’t back down from being a better version of you because of it.

    All you can do is try to inspire them to be better as well. But the final choice will always be theirs to make.

    Trials are there to teach us lessons about what we previously took for granted.

    With it, comes a greater level of awareness.

    Awareness carries with it a responsibility to either contribute more, or to apply yourself in better ways. That’s how growth takes place.

    When you resist such growth, you grow in defensiveness. So you’re effectively exchanging positive growth for negative growth.

    Growth is therefore inevitable. You only get to decide in which direction it takes you.

  • Invest in hope

    Invest in hope

    When you’re lost on a journey, do you keep driving around in circles hoping that your destination will miraculously arrive, or do you try a different route until you find it?

    Or do you sit behind the wheel and judge yourself for being a bad driver because you’re on the wrong road? If you do, does it suddenly make your destination appear?

    Life is no different.

    Hopelessness is never the end of the road. It’s a sign that you need to take a new one.

    The fact that you knew how to get yourself onto THAT road means that you have the ability and skill to change routes.

    When we find ourselves in a rut, we shouldn’t remain invested in that rut hoping that someone else will come along and change it for us.

    We need to change it for ourselves because we know what destination we’re in search of. No one else does.

    Holding others responsible for getting to our destination assumes that they are not also searching for their destination. Or are lost in their own rut.

    It’s how our journeys intersect with each other that we find companionship and comfort in others. Not in waiting for them to navigate or journey for us.

    Own your life. It’s yours to own.

  • Father : A silent duty

    Father : A silent duty

    Fathers are often overlooked or forgotten, because they’re seldom in the limelight.

    Silently serving in the background, they often do what is seen as just their job, or their duty.

    Not wired with an overt nurturing instinct, but rather that of a silent sentinel, ensuring their family’s safety and comfort, they often grow accustomed to being in the background, creating the spaces needed for their family to thrive.

    When we expect fathers to behave in a similar way to mothers, we diminish their contribution and their sacrifices.

    When we expect fathers to show up like mothers, we under estimate their emotional needs, and ignore their silent pleas for gratitude.

    When we expect fathers to experience emotion and sentiment in the same way that mothers do, we assume that they were gifted with the beauty of connecting with a soul growing within them, not realising that they were always on the outside looking in.

    There is a bond between mother and child that a father will never experience because of the sanctity of childbirth. Perhaps that is why fathers will always find a different way to express their love for their family compared to mothers.

    Honour your father by recognising his struggle and efforts without finding reason to judge him compared to your mother.

    And if you find he is falling short anyway, approach him with understanding, believing that the gentleness you wish to experience with him lies beneath that seemingly impenetrable exterior that developed only because he quietly accepted his place as a provider and forgot to nurture his own emotional needs.

    And to the fathers who show up despite not knowing how it is done because they didn’t have the loving guide of a mentor in their lives, I especially salute you. Breaking cycles of toxic dysfunction is never easy, and is often excruciatingly lonely.

    So if no one else notices you today, I do. With love, appreciation, and respect.

    Happy father’s day.

    #fatherson

  • What do you see in the mirror?

    What do you see in the mirror?

    Given how easily we can change how we present ourselves to others through social media these days, it’s important to remember how much of our authenticity has to be sacrificed in the process.

    Be true to yourself, online and offline, and you won’t need filters to make your life or yourself appear to be different from your reality.

    We convince ourselves, sometimes of truths and sometimes of delusions of who we are.

    When it’s a delusion, we forget that in the process, we also have to convince ourself that we’re not who we really are.

    It sounds complicated but it’s really simple. Before we can believe that we’re someone we’re not, we have to convince ourselves that who we really are is not true.

    Why would we do such a thing? Because we’re afraid that if we don’t fit someone else’s expectations, we may find ourselves isolated or alone. And no one wants to be alone. Right?

    However, loneliness is most felt when you’re in company that doesn’t recognise who you really are. To connect sincerely and meaningfully with another, we must be true to ourselves first, or else we’ll lose every moment in our efforts to be what we took that need, rather than who we are.

    And that’s how we lose ourselves in the process.

    Read that again if you must, but internalise it.

    It could save your sanity and your peace.

  • A diet of fear

    A diet of fear

    This is probably one of the most important things you could ever connect with.

    So much damage is caused by fear driven decisions. It destroys your spirit leaving you to find comfort in the very source of the fear that is destroying you.

    If you’ve been raised on a diet of fear and compliance, it is inevitable that your choices will reflect your fears, and not your dreams

    Fear destroys hope and replaces it with futility.

    In the face of futility, we resort to compliance, because compliance provides us with familiarity.

    Familiarity tethers us to rituals, traditions, and behaviours that feed the cycle that sustains the power of fear.

    That is, the cycle of compliance at all costs.

    When compliance becomes the objective, blind following becomes the method, and critical thinking is set aside in favour of inclusion.

    The need for inclusion destroys dreams, breaks hearts, and damages souls, leaving in its wake a field of martyrs who surrender their joy in the face of futility, not realising that it is fear that breeds futility, and not overwhelming odds.

    Be courageous, brave soul. Self-imposed martyrdom is not the only path to peace. In fact, it defeats that very goal.