Tag: mentalhealthawareness

  • Does your therapist stroke your ego?

    Does your therapist stroke your ego?

    You know that old adage about ‘practice what you preach’?

    At some point someone replaced it with ‘those who can’t do, coach’.

    And the world has been worse off since then.

    Yes, I know I identify as a coach, but it would be opportunistic of me to ignore the large number of charlatans using the profession to project their world view on others.

    Too many people are ready to tell the world how to be better, but only so many who try to be better than they were the day before.

    Authenticity is not about the spoken word, it’s about action.

    Everyone has a nugget of wisdom to throw around, but only so many have the conviction to give it life.

    Most often, people already know what they need to change about their lives to be in a better space, but their lack of understanding in how they may be counter productive in their efforts is what holds them back.

    So when you tell them what to change, you’re effectively making them dependent on you for solutions rather than improving their understanding of how life works.

    Good intentions are never enough.

    Understanding the effectiveness of the methods that we adopt is what determines how successful we are at creating the life that we want.

    And because you don’t know what you don’t know, it becomes that much more important to choose your advisors carefully or else you risk getting advice that makes you feel better about your contribution towards the struggles of your life while blaming others for it.

    Are you sure you’re choosing advisors to help you grow, or do your advisors make you feel better about your faults?

    Don’t just preach your philosophy about life, live it.

  • Forgiveness without understanding is virtue signalling

    Forgiveness without understanding is virtue signalling

    If there is one piece of advice that will help you through the worst of times, this is it.

    Internalise this, connect with it, make it your mantra if you must, but understand that forgiveness on its own, without acceptance, will leave you yearning for retribution or justice.

    More than this, acceptance is only wishful thinking if not accompanied by understanding.

    We need to understand the motives behind someone’s betrayal of trust, or their indiscretion, or even their neglect of what is important to us or else we’re left with believing that it was intentional towards us.

    Most often, we treat others badly because of our demons that are provoked by what they need from us.

    Even if we’re justified in treating them that way because of how they treated us, tit-for-tat is an indulgence of the ego and not an investment in rising above that which weighs us down.

    Understanding doesn’t mean condoning, justifying, or defending bad behaviour. It simply lifts the burden of not knowing so that making peace with the experience becomes possible.

    By seeking understanding, we immediately shift our focus to what they were struggling with rather than grappling with our lack of significance to them.

    It is only through such understanding that we learn to accept that people’s actions are a reflection of who they are more than it is about what we mean to them.

    And while we’re contemplating all this about others, we need to reflect on our own bad behaviour within the same context or else we will inevitably become like those whom we judge.

    Judge less. Understand more.

    Peace is within reach.

    Otherwise bitterness will be your friend until you meet your end.

  • Have you ever truly lived?

    Have you ever truly lived?

    Is your definition of success really your definition of success?

    Or did you perhaps borrow it from society without really noticing?

    Our fixation on appearing successful is so toxic, that we readily give up our hopes and dreams in favour of acceptance.

    Most people don’t have a greater purpose in life beyond achieving what secures their place in society, or in their social circles.

    The chase for acceptance or validation is how we die a million deaths in a single lifetime, but rarely live a single wholesome life before death.

    Do we even know what a wholesome life feels like between all the distractions and our efforts to appease others?

    When was the last time you reconnected with the idealistic teen in you?

    If you had to meet your teenage self, would you be proud or disappointed in who you are now?

    Or were you already wasted to the peer pressure back then that you’ve never known a life beyond that?

    Today is a good day to reconnect with you.

    death

  • Don’t serve to be seen

    Don’t serve to be seen

    Don’t only serve others when there’s something in it for you.

    That’s not goodwill or charity, it’s a path to hypocrisy.

    Uplifting others should be done because you want to ease their journey through life.

    Theirs, not yours.

    Not because you want them to worship you, or celebrate your praises.

    To contribute, support, and enrich other’s lives willingly is the root of joy.

    That is what gifts us a night of restful sleep even if spurned by those whom we serve the most.

    When you withhold your service because of the absence of gratitude from them, you step on that slippery slope that will one day lead to you being equally ungrateful for what you have in your life.

    Withholding of service must only ever be done if such service enables its recipient to harm others.

    Like supporting one in times of need who then uses such support to justify their reasons for ill treating or being abusive towards others, or denying the rights of others.

    There is an important line to be drawn between supporting one who is in need of support versus enabling one to avoid accountability for the state in which they find themselves.

    When we need validation for the support that we offer, we are more likely to enable such self-imposed hardship because our need to be of service is what drives our motives to support them.

    That’s how hypocrisy sets in, and how our efforts to improve society become a contributing factor towards the selfish decline of society, leaving us hopeless and exhausted and giving us reason to believe that we’re the only good souls left.

    Be mindful and purposeful about why you are offering assistance, and what your assistance is enabling or else you may end up causing more harm while believing that you’re doing good.

  • Elusive peace

    Elusive peace

    What brings you peace?

    If it’s likes, shares, and comments, then I’m afraid that peace escapes you too.

    Reconnecting with the human condition seems to get more difficult by the day with the filters of online life shaping our perceptions and opinions of the struggles or triumphs of others.

    Does an authentic human experience still exist in a connected world?

    Peace grows ever more elusive when connecting with others is the only soul food you have.

    They talk of dopamine and convince you that your emptiness or your fulfilment lies in chemical balances because they themselves lack the appreciation of sincere human connection.

    Appreciating the quiet moments becomes more difficult when we lose sight of the value of silence.

    The absence of clutter.

    The presence of endearing company.

    Finding peace in solitude is a gift, and a skill that appears to have been lost to the madness of this world.

    Take time to recede, to allow your very valid concerns and urgencies to suspend its calling for long enough to let the breath reach your soul.

    When last did you lose yourself in the gentle throb of your own pulse?

  • Be blessed, not entitled

    Be blessed, not entitled

    Appreciation is simply an acknowledgement of what we feel blessed with, while gratitude is reflected in what we claim to appreciate.

    The secret to contentment is found in gratitude.

    But not in an attitude of gratitude.

    It must be more substantial than that.

    Gratitude must be a meaningful connection with what we truly value about ourselves and our lives, and not just appreciation for having more than others.

    Gratitude allows us to focus on what’s good, and realise how much worse things could be.

    It encourages appreciation for what we have instead of envy for what we don’t have.

    Most importantly, it recognises the blessings that most take for granted like good health, free time, youthfulness, good relations, and peace of mind.

    When we lose gratitude for these things, we take it for granted and stop doing what is needed to maintain it.

    That’s when we lose it.

    And if we still don’t recognise our ingratitude at that point, our difficulties become a trial rather than a reminder leading us to believe that we’re cursed or being tested by divine decree.

    Live with gratitude. Always.

  • Raging into oblivion

    Raging into oblivion

    The rage that we hold within us feels like a justified protest or demand for justice or fairness from those around us.

    But rage is a master of distraction.

    It is born in moments of legitimate duress, but continues long after.

    The rage of being unheard in one moment leads to harshness when we feel misunderstood in a totally different moment.

    Rage is the intensity of our demand to be treated with significance or respect, while not realising that rage undermines both, our significance and the respect we need from others.

    Rage only ever achieves compliance from others while they may fear us in our moments of rage.

    The moment those around us no longer fear us, rage becomes a tool that destroys what we’re trying to achieve, and isolates us from the ones who we wish would see us more clearly.

    But we only rage because we don’t see ourselves clearly.

    And that’s the greatest distraction that rage offers us.

    It convinces us that we’re right and that everything that we see is wrong with others is good reason for us to rage.

    And in those moments, we lose our connection with reality and replace it with a focus on who is taking our pain seriously while not realising that we’re causing pain, leaving them to see nothing more than a brute rather than a hurt soul.

    Beyond the release of the anguish we hold within, rage offers no value at all in securing the peace or harmony that we want with those who matter to us.

    Don’t only try to restrain your rage.

    Instead, seek to understand why you feel that rage at all.

    Otherwise your rage will grow to define you while you may think it’s defining your battle cry to the world.

  • Are you sure you’re not enough?

    Are you sure you’re not enough?

    I often see people needing to remind themselves that they’re enough.

    Some even print out posters proclaiming “I am enough” and place it on their fridge or at their workplace, or on their mirror.

    Enough for what? For whom? In what? To achieve what?

    We have to convince ourselves that we’re not good enough before anyone can make us feel that way.

    When you focus on whether you’re enough, you lose sight of the fact that you’re literally reducing the entirety of who you are to what you think is enough about you in only one domain of your life.

    That’s usually in our social spaces.

    That’s how we become defined by what we think others think of us, or what we think of ourselves through our self-criticism.

    You are enough of whatever you choose to be, but first you need to see yourself clearly.

    See yourself realistically, not through rose coloured spectacles, or affirmations of things you know is not true but want must be true.

    The problem to solve is not to be enough, it’s to understand what you’re doing that may be counter productive to who you want to be or what you want to achieve.

    Start there. Start by observing the effectiveness of your approach, your effort, your strategy, etc.

    Then do something about those parts that are not as effective as they need to be.

    Now you’re solving the right problems.

    Being enough was always just a distraction.

    Own your life.