Forgiveness without understanding is virtue signalling

If there is one piece of advice that will help you through the worst of times, this is it.

Internalise this, connect with it, make it your mantra if you must, but understand that forgiveness on its own, without acceptance, will leave you yearning for retribution or justice.

More than this, acceptance is only wishful thinking if not accompanied by understanding.

We need to understand the motives behind someone’s betrayal of trust, or their indiscretion, or even their neglect of what is important to us or else we’re left with believing that it was intentional towards us.

Most often, we treat others badly because of our demons that are provoked by what they need from us.

Even if we’re justified in treating them that way because of how they treated us, tit-for-tat is an indulgence of the ego and not an investment in rising above that which weighs us down.

Understanding doesn’t mean condoning, justifying, or defending bad behaviour. It simply lifts the burden of not knowing so that making peace with the experience becomes possible.

By seeking understanding, we immediately shift our focus to what they were struggling with rather than grappling with our lack of significance to them.

It is only through such understanding that we learn to accept that people’s actions are a reflection of who they are more than it is about what we mean to them.

And while we’re contemplating all this about others, we need to reflect on our own bad behaviour within the same context or else we will inevitably become like those whom we judge.

Judge less. Understand more.

Peace is within reach.

Otherwise bitterness will be your friend until you meet your end.

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