Who defines you?

It’s easy to lose ourselves to the outcomes of our lives.

It’s easy to convince ourselves that our achievements, rather than our efforts, are a true reflection of the value we hold within.

It’s a dance with fate that often destroys hope and replaces it with complacency.

In a world saturated with the ungrateful and the insincere, measuring your worth by the behaviour of others is an exercise in self harm..and simply adds you to the ranks of the ungrateful.

If resisting your true nature is the root of unhappiness, then knowing your true nature must be the key to joy.

Therefore, measuring your true worth by the demons of others will lead you away from joy and towards pain, as you convince yourself that how they treated you is all you’re worthy of.

You were not created to pacify the weak.

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A gentle neglect

It is better to die of violence, swift and decisive, than to die of a gentle neglect, slow and painful.

The violent episode holds the promise of a quickened relief from the anguish of life, while being abandoned offers a view of our decaying spirit, while tortured by hope.

Living with hope is a curse when immersed in a reality of hopelessness.

Hopelessness is a convenience that spurns love, and embraces the cold comfort of solitude.

It is the absence of risk, but also the absence of joy.

Nonetheless, it carries with it the promise of not being betrayed…again.

Again, because hopelessness only sets in when we’ve been viciously abandoned before, making the hope of being cherished too painful to consider.

We nourish the cruelty of the world that kills our spirit, when we abandon what we love in favour of holding on to the familiarity of what we loathe.

Thus, we destroy the very remedy for which we’ve been praying to heal our broken soul.

Our eyes reveal the hollow in the light of day, and the stinging brutality in the quiet of night, knowing that none look close enough during the daylight hours, while praying that the one who sees everything takes pity on our souls in the tortured darkness.

Breathe, beloved…just breathe…hopelessness has no home in a cherished heart.

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A life beyond being

Without experiencing the joy of living, life will remain a dutiful encounter.

Similarly, without experiencing the sweetness of true love, love will feel like a need to serve and to be served.

It is only in connecting with an experience beyond what we imagined to be the limits of what is possible, that we begin to pursue the impossible.

But such an experience cannot be taught, nor can it be studied to be appreciated.

Intellectualising it makes it a dream, while experiencing it makes it the only acceptable outcome.


Fear destroys dreams and replaces it with complacency.

Because the fear of losing what we deeply yearn for, is more daunting than living our dream.

So we protect our dreams from abandoning us, or us abandoning them, by convincing ourselves that such romantic aspirations are not for this world.

Because what was birthed in heaven, cannot be sustained on earth.

Faith is all that stands between a life worth living, and an existence worth protecting.

Have faith, beloved… And just breathe…

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Sadly depressed

Depression sets in when we look for signs of hope in those things that are important to us, but find none.

It doesn’t mean that there is no hope for anything in our life. It just means that what we choose as a defining relationship or experience to reflect our significance provides us with no reason to believe that we are significant in that way.

This is why from the outside looking in, we may think that people who are depressed are actually happy, or carefree.

Sometimes when we see everything else that they’ve got going in their life compared to others, we consider them to be ungrateful.

But that’s because we’re looking at them through our eyes, and not through their own.

The absence of hope occurs when we insist on receiving from others that which they’re either unwilling or incapable of providing. Their unwillingness often being more about their insecurity than what we’re worth to them.

If you find yourself struggling to reconnect with hope in the most important domains of your life, I can help.

WhatsApp me on +27836599183 or contact me via my website at zaidismail.com. Affordable coaching to clients internationally.

Photo credit : Adobe Stock

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Hopeless dreams

A dream without hope taunts us more than it comforts us.

It teases us with its distraction while we indulge in it, but reminds us that we believe we’re unworthy of it when we cast our gaze once more towards reality.

When we believe in our dream, we’ll find the signs and the opportunities to map our path towards achieving that dream.

But when we believe that our dream is unreachable or unrealistic, we’ll focus on everything that points towards a struggle, an obstacle, or an assumed impossibility in our desire to achieve it.

That’s how we harm ourselves. We convince ourselves that the good that we yearn for is out of reach. Or worse, we convince ourselves that we are undeserving of it.

If only we paused for long enough…took a deep breath…and realised that there are experiences we had in life that we never thought possible, but they came to pass anyway. Despite us not believing that they would.

Those are the experiences that inspired us to dream. And those dreams that they inspired are our truths that we know is possible if only…

Breathe beloved, and change that ‘if only’ into ‘when’, so that the dream that fills your heart in the quiet moments may find space in your life in your daylight hours.

Just breathe…

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Judging is easy

Judging each other only becomes easy when we assume that we are above the behaviour that were judging.

When we receive the benefit of the doubt from others, we assume that we deserve it, rather than it being a result of their generosity of spirit.

When we’re misunderstood, we may be inclined towards accusing others of misunderstanding us, rather than considering that they had good reason to get it wrong.

Being defensive or judgemental are two traits that originate from the same source. That is, feeling emotionally vulnerable.

Judgement demands compliance with a standard that is larger than who we are, and therefore associates us with something that must be respected or revered.

That’s why it’s easier to judge than it is to understand. Because understanding demands that we set aside such associations and invest of ourselves in assessing the behaviour of others.

Sometimes, that investment means that we must suspend our focus on our rights in that relationship in order to understand. When we’re afraid of being insignificant, suspending such rights feels like an attack on our self worth.

The result…anger or bitterness.

If you need help navigating through such complex relationships in your life, I can help.

WhatsApp me on +27836599183 or reach out via my website at zaidismail.com.

Photo credit : Adobe Stock

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