Tag: Integrity

  • Does your therapist stroke your ego?

    Does your therapist stroke your ego?

    You know that old adage about ‘practice what you preach’?

    At some point someone replaced it with ‘those who can’t do, coach’.

    And the world has been worse off since then.

    Yes, I know I identify as a coach, but it would be opportunistic of me to ignore the large number of charlatans using the profession to project their world view on others.

    Too many people are ready to tell the world how to be better, but only so many who try to be better than they were the day before.

    Authenticity is not about the spoken word, it’s about action.

    Everyone has a nugget of wisdom to throw around, but only so many have the conviction to give it life.

    Most often, people already know what they need to change about their lives to be in a better space, but their lack of understanding in how they may be counter productive in their efforts is what holds them back.

    So when you tell them what to change, you’re effectively making them dependent on you for solutions rather than improving their understanding of how life works.

    Good intentions are never enough.

    Understanding the effectiveness of the methods that we adopt is what determines how successful we are at creating the life that we want.

    And because you don’t know what you don’t know, it becomes that much more important to choose your advisors carefully or else you risk getting advice that makes you feel better about your contribution towards the struggles of your life while blaming others for it.

    Are you sure you’re choosing advisors to help you grow, or do your advisors make you feel better about your faults?

    Don’t just preach your philosophy about life, live it.

  • Gratitude is not appreciation

    Gratitude is not appreciation

    Gratitude speaks more to our soul than any gift or trinket, or whispers of endearment.

    Gratitude is impossible without respect,
    and respect is impossible without honesty,
    and honesty is impossible without sincerity,
    and sincerity is impossible without self-respect,
    and self-respect is impossible without conviction,
    and conviction is impossible without self-worth…

    And so it continues until we realise that expecting gratitude or appreciation from someone that lacks any of these fundamental traits in their character is an exercise in futility.

    We cannot give what we don’t have.

    Therefore, if we’re falling short in any of the attributes that lead to gratitude, the most we’ll be capable of is appreciation.

    And appreciation is not the same as gratitude.

    Appreciation is simply the acknowledgment of a blessing or benefit.

    Gratitude is reflected in what you do with that blessing or benefit that you claim to appreciate.

    It’s like appreciating the fact that you have a job, but putting in only as much effort as is needed to meet your boss’s expectations so that you don’t get fired.

    Or appreciating that you have a car, but not maintaining it or using it in a way that reflects gratitude for the value that it creates in your life.

    You can have the world to be grateful for, but no one can insert gratitude into your heart.

    Gratitude is therefore not what we journal about, or what we praise or acknowledge.

    Gratitude is showing up in a way that does justice to the ability we have to show up.

    Gratitude is about not living life in half measures, or compromising what we stand for from fear of exclusion or rejection.

    Gratitude, if nothing else, is at the heart of peace and contentment, because it connects us purposefully with who we are and what we are capable of, regardless of what others see or don’t see in us.

    We can therefore not be grateful of others if we lack gratitude for ourselves.

    It always starts with you.

  • You give what you have

    You give what you have

    What we believe is true about ourselves is what we are capable of offering to others.

    Nothing more.

    Nothing less.

    You cannot give what you don’t have.

    The day you realise this is the day you’ll see the fears and weaknesses that drives others to behave badly towards you.

    It was never about you.

    It’s always about reflecting who they are.

    If you lack self respect, it will be difficult to respect others.

    If you don’t appreciate what you have, you won’t express gratitude towards others.

    If you are dishonest with yourself about who you truly are, you’ll struggle to trust the sincerity of others.

    And so it continues.

    The way we see ourselves is what informs our behaviour and interactions with the world.

    The more threatened we feel, the more aggressive we will be.

    The next time you see someone behaving badly, don’t judge them harshly, understand what they’re saying about how they value themselves, or how valued they feel by you.

    Then, respond to their underlying vulnerability in a reassuring way, rather than always reacting to their bad behaviour.

    Break the cycle.

  • The silent lie

    The silent lie

    Dishonesty isn’t always a lie. It’s often an unspoken truth. In fact, unspoken truths are probably the source of more dishonesty than outright lies.

    We remain silent when we feel threatened by the revelation of the truth.

    That threat is not always about exposure of who we are. Sometimes, it’s because we don’t want to bear the responsibility of meeting the expectations that are raised if we spoke out.

    Like speaking out in defence of the truth, or vouching for someone’s character, or giving due credit. It all demands that we follow through with sincerity and consistency.

    This is most often the reason why we choose to be dishonest and remain silent, instead of speaking out and accepting the responsibility of the consequences.

  • You give what you have

    You give what you have

    I’ve had many interesting discussions with my kids about this topic recently. If they are dishonest about something, I make them aware of the fact that they will only find reason to be honest with others if they find it unacceptable to be dishonest with themselves. What we tolerate by ourselves towards ourselves is what we are capable of offering to others. Nothing more. Nothing less. The day you realise this is the day you’ll see the fears and weaknesses that drives others to behave badly towards you. It was never about you. It’s always about reflecting who they are. You were just the outlet that they felt safe enough to vent on.

    You cannot give what you don’t have. If you lack self respect, you won’t be able to respect others. If you don’t appreciate what you have, you won’t express gratitude towards others. If you consistently feed yourself untruths about yourself or your behaviour, you will not trust the sincerity of others. And so it continues. The way we see ourselves is what informs our behaviour and interactions with the world. The more threatened we feel, the more aggressive we will be. So, the next time you see someone behaving badly, don’t judge them harshly, understand what they’re saying about how they value themselves, or how valued they feel by others. Judgement is a reflection of who we are, while understanding is a reflection of the purpose we wish to serve.

  • A rant…

    And so it happened…again. My naivety led me down the garden path thinking that at some point principles and integrity will shed a glimmer of hope that not all corporates operate on the same basis. But like I said, my naivety once again got the better of me.

    At moments like this I’m reminded of that proverb that says that there is no limit to what a man can do if he doesn’t care who gets the credit for it. I generally don’t care about the credit, but I do care about the paycheck, because a pat on the back or a flowery compliment doesn’t pay the bills.

    I’ve been on both sides of this fence, and neither side has greener grass. Both sides have an equal amount of manure, and both sides have underhanded swines that will rather play political games to protect their fragile egos and to cloak their incompetence before they’ll do the right thing for the right reasons.

    Being sincere and having integrity requires conviction. Look around you, whether in the corporate setting, or in a non-profit organisation, the ethical void is disgustingly obvious. Conviction only exists in self-preservation. Everything else takes a back seat for the 99% that are prone to declare themselves victims of someone else playing their marked card before they got a chance to play theirs first.

    The human race disgusts me. That guy from Matrix got it right. We’re a virus. A disgusting virus that respects nothing but greed and self-indulgence, even in our arrogant piety we’re competing to prove that we’re more pious and more sincere than others, woefully inadequate in sincerity, and forever professing humility out of arrogance.

    This rant was triggered by yet another blow to my rib cage that knocked the wind out of me. A blow that came from behind even though I knew it was coming for a long time now. But I’m a naive fool, that’s why I give the benefit of the doubt to others even if they bear all the hallmarks of the putrid souls I’ve had the misfortune of dealing with before. If I judge them prematurely, I’ll step firmly on that slippery slope that will lead me to the place of putrefaction that most of them dwell in. So for now, I’ll continue to allow others to screw me over before I take any action to protect myself or my interests. My idealism will be the end of me.

  • Integrity is dead. Self-preservation killed it.

    Cynically Jaded (via cynicallyjaded)

  • The virtual reality of life

    There is no line between virtuality and reality. Any line that you thought existed was simply a deception of your own mind. Online platforms give us the ability to escape our real lives under the guise of anonymity to the point where we identify ourselves as a url and assume that that is sufficient to justify our deceptive nature.

    Living a lie, be it online or in real life, is still living a lie. At no point is it acceptable to live by differing standards of morality because doing so lays the foundation of insincerity that will contaminate the flesh and blood relationships that you have. It feeds the same morbid self-indulgence that drives us to deceive those we’ve allowed into our personal space. If your online profile is vastly different from your real life behaviour, you’re fooling someone, and in all likelihood, that someone may very well be yourself included.

    People that are trusting are dismissed as gullible, while people that are insincere are accepted as normal. This is truly a case of us focusing so closely on the form that we miss the essence of what we’re doing. Escapism is entirely possible without misleading others. It’s easy to cry victim when we’ve been misled, but almost impossible to see our own deception for what it is simply because we’re looking to defend our actions and explain the context rather than appreciating that hiding behind masks is as detrimental online as it is in real life. 

    If you still believe that it is justifiable to hide behind masks online, then be clear about one simple truth that seems to elude many. Sincerity dictates that you are always clear about what is fictional about you and what is real. Whether this is online or not. Sincerity doesn’t come with qualifiers or disclaimers, nor does honesty. Any actions that I have recently defended or objected to online I will do so again, despite growing evidence that I may have been wrong. 

    In a world of spin doctors and politicians, and masses that despise them but aspire to operate like them, I choose to be the naive idiot that sits with egg on his face because others were more adept at seeing the reality of deception rather than trusting others the way they yearn to be trusted. For every single time that I assume the worst or treat with unfounded suspicion the actions of others, I warrant, justify, and invite the same for myself. 

    I may be cynically jaded about life, and entirely sceptical about people, but I will never use my life’s struggles to justify the blatant manipulation of others under the context of “they should’ve known better cos everyone else does it as well.” Regardless of how accurate or inaccurate my observations may be of others, who I am relative to how I live will always remain a constant, either on equal footing that leads to wholesomeness of purpose, or on unequal footing that will lead to chaos in my soul.