A gentle neglect

It is better to die of violence, swift and decisive, than to die of a gentle neglect, slow and painful.

The violent episode holds the promise of a quickened relief from the anguish of life, while being abandoned offers a view of our decaying spirit, while tortured by hope.

Living with hope is a curse when immersed in a reality of hopelessness.

Hopelessness is a convenience that spurns love, and embraces the cold comfort of solitude.

It is the absence of risk, but also the absence of joy.

Nonetheless, it carries with it the promise of not being betrayed…again.

Again, because hopelessness only sets in when we’ve been viciously abandoned before, making the hope of being cherished too painful to consider.

We nourish the cruelty of the world that kills our spirit, when we abandon what we love in favour of holding on to the familiarity of what we loathe.

Thus, we destroy the very remedy for which we’ve been praying to heal our broken soul.

Our eyes reveal the hollow in the light of day, and the stinging brutality in the quiet of night, knowing that none look close enough during the daylight hours, while praying that the one who sees everything takes pity on our souls in the tortured darkness.

Breathe, beloved…just breathe…hopelessness has no home in a cherished heart.

#hope #love #romance #companionship #soulfood #soulmates #anincompletelovestory #mybeloved #zaidismail #lovestory #authorsofinstagram #thevillageidiot #relationshipgoals #romancenovel

A life beyond being

Without experiencing the joy of living, life will remain a dutiful encounter.

Similarly, without experiencing the sweetness of true love, love will feel like a need to serve and to be served.

It is only in connecting with an experience beyond what we imagined to be the limits of what is possible, that we begin to pursue the impossible.

But such an experience cannot be taught, nor can it be studied to be appreciated.

Intellectualising it makes it a dream, while experiencing it makes it the only acceptable outcome.

But…fear…

Fear destroys dreams and replaces it with complacency.

Because the fear of losing what we deeply yearn for, is more daunting than living our dream.

So we protect our dreams from abandoning us, or us abandoning them, by convincing ourselves that such romantic aspirations are not for this world.

Because what was birthed in heaven, cannot be sustained on earth.

Faith is all that stands between a life worth living, and an existence worth protecting.

Have faith, beloved… And just breathe…

#hope #expectation #romance #romancenovel #companionship #soulfood #soulmates #anincompletelovestory #relationshipgoals #mybeloved #zaidismail #lovestory #authorsofinstagram

Hopeless dreams

A dream without hope taunts us more than it comforts us.

It teases us with its distraction while we indulge in it, but reminds us that we believe we’re unworthy of it when we cast our gaze once more towards reality.

When we believe in our dream, we’ll find the signs and the opportunities to map our path towards achieving that dream.

But when we believe that our dream is unreachable or unrealistic, we’ll focus on everything that points towards a struggle, an obstacle, or an assumed impossibility in our desire to achieve it.

That’s how we harm ourselves. We convince ourselves that the good that we yearn for is out of reach. Or worse, we convince ourselves that we are undeserving of it.

If only we paused for long enough…took a deep breath…and realised that there are experiences we had in life that we never thought possible, but they came to pass anyway. Despite us not believing that they would.

Those are the experiences that inspired us to dream. And those dreams that they inspired are our truths that we know is possible if only…

Breathe beloved, and change that ‘if only’ into ‘when’, so that the dream that fills your heart in the quiet moments may find space in your life in your daylight hours.

Just breathe…

#hope #expectation #dreams #life #love #romance #companionship #soulfood #soulmates #anincompletelovestory #mybeloved #zaidismail #lovestory #authorsofinstagram #ownyourlife

A brain dump

I need to return to my self. When the feeling of being adrift and the mental fog merge, the road ahead appears as a romantic setting filled with intrigue and adventure, but little answers. In seeking such answers, I may find new paths and new passions, but such a journey cannot be undertaken when chained to the present.

The yokes must first be dismantled before the anchors lifted. The past is of no consequence except for its gifts that continue to colour the present moment. Wishing it away has never resulted in anything more than regret or escapism. Embracing it, despite most often being a cold and uncomfortable embrace, has always offered the opportunity to warm up to it, before moving beyond it.

There appears to be wisdom in learning to love the challenges I face, rather than spurning their roots. I lost myself many times in the distractions that result from a fixation on its roots, often questioning the value of my contribution towards countering the anticipated outcomes that now weigh on my shoulders as yokes of past decisions. Those contributions, when focused on with regret, grew larger than my strength to prevail beyond it, turning it into a living monument that slowly defined my sense of self. Thus I lost myself to moments long gone, and in investments long since diminished in value.

In returning to my self, I must embrace the beauty of my being that afforded me the conviction to contribute towards that which held no promise beyond that moment, but whose hope carried me to see dreams beyond the impossible that I faced. Despite not having achieved those dreams, its descendents have spawned new paths that otherwise would have remained concealed, but importantly, have eliminated any reason to question myself later had I held back in my contribution towards what I hoped to achieve.

Speaking cryptically is a game that tests my resolve between unbridled rage at the world, and quiet contemplation of my right to rage. Rage is only needed when I refuse to embrace the naivety and convictions that encouraged my contribution towards that which I knew carried the promise of betrayal as much as it carried the hope of joy. Denying my contribution to justify my rage would therefore be as hypocritical as the ones who betrayed my efforts because they saw their vulnerability as a weakness to be condemned, and therefore preemptively judged me to be what they expected of me, rather than what I offered in truth.

There’s a harshness that creeps in when we see our tenderness as weakness, rather than seeing it as a proclamation of our ability to remain human in a calloused world. It’s that same harshness that defines the tone with which we receive the tenderness in others. When we assume their tenderness to be a drain on our strength, we lose the benefit of seeing in them the gentleness that we must harbour in us to avoid inviting the harshness of the world into the cavities of our souls. Those cavities, when seen as failings or as evidence of inadequacy, become sources of shame, rather than opportunities to create the joy and the beauty that they await.

Joy and beauty would have remained elusive to my dysfunctional being had I restrained myself when common sense dictated such restraint. It was through abandoning common sense that I departed from the trajectory that honoured the emotionless heritage that had defined my world up to that point. It has always been my ability to dream of being more than I ever had a right to claim that I found myself among beauty and fulfilment that would otherwise have remained foreign to my experience of this world.

It is in my rejection of what others believed to be true about me that I found myself. It was in that rejection that I revealed their rejection of themselves in favour of their need to belong to their soured legacies. It is in that rejection that I found the most beautiful of souls with whom to share sacred moments and even bigger dreams. Without that rejection, I would have been as dejected as many of the vapid ones who spend their lives courting the validation of those who invalidated them to begin with. Seeing the hollowness in their eyes, it was my rejection of such a hollow existence for myself that I created space for kindred souls to create in me what the legacy of my lineage would never have been able to endow.

Thus, it was rejection that guided me to me. It was choosing what I did not want for myself, without waiting for the arrival of common sense, that allowed me to create space for what I hoped to experience, and who I hoped to embrace. And the embrace that I found through such rejection outweighs the accumulated benefit of all the validations that I could have courted instead.

Life has a way of meandering towards that which we desire most, but through paths that often defy logic while priming us for the state we must achieve if we hope to have the capacity to embrace what it is that we want. By respecting the fears that define the efforts of those around us, we limit ourselves to achieving only a shadow of their achievements, because we would never discover the potential that we hold within. Sometimes it’s more important to focus on what we need to reject, than applying ourselves towards that which we hope to achieve. It demands a trust in the harmony of life that exceeds any balance that we may be able to consciously extract from such a flow. Fighting the rapids is often the least effective way to navigate through tough times. Perhaps in that is the wisdom that I need to secure my way beyond this torrential period of my life.

Regardless of which way it goes, I am clear about the path that I choose to pursue through the foggy road that lies ahead. And the companion to accompany me on that journey will reveal themselves when the space I create meets the path that they’re on. Until then, the journey holds the promise of many beautiful revelations, akin to the revelations that revealed the possibility of being more than I ever thought possible for a man whose heritage denied anything beyond mediocrity or common sense.

Legacies are only to be honoured if they honour the truth of who we are. Discovering that truth is therefore only possible when we see in ourselves the possibility of the future, rather than remaining loyal to the inheritance of the past.

Don’t deny your heart

Silence can never render the heart’s true yearnings irrelevant or obsolete…it only makes it more torturous until fulfilled…if ever

The heart’s true yearnings slowly morph into unfulfilled moments of angst that are beyond explanation or reason

Sleep soon escapes us as we try to busy ourselves with the urgencies of life in our efforts to distract us from that gaping void

A void that can only be filled by responding to the yearning of the heart

But whose yearning we’d much rather suppress than to risk hurting a tender heart more than its current pain

Once battered, trust is abandoned

The heart then becomes a slave to its yearnings while being shackled to its grief

Breathe beloved, breathe…just breathe…and allow your heart to muster courage that escapes your will.

#hope #expectation #romance #romancenovel #companionship #soulfood #soulmates #anincompletelovestory #relationshipgoals #mybeloved #zaidismail #lovestory #authorsofinstagram

Always hope

When we focus on the struggles of our lives, we feel defeated.

When we focus on the growth, we feel empowered to overcome future obstacles.

But we’re human. We doubt ourselves and sometimes we feel entitled to peace.

In the process, we create self-fulfilling prophecies by growing despondent when things go wrong, rather than looking for the opportunities to create something better.

We limit our ability to overcome obstacles by telling ourselves that there is a limit to what we’re capable of dealing with.

Rather than embracing the challenges without preempting the outcomes, we end up focusing on how close we are to that limit that we set for ourselves and then grow defensive the moment we believe things are getting too close to it.

That’s how we prevent ourselves from trying beyond a certain point, and that’s how we grow to believe that some things are impossible to overcome.

Sometimes, when things seem like they’re falling apart, they may just be falling into place. But when we fixate on what’s falling apart, we deny ourselves the opportunity to see how it may be contributing towards our dreams and goals that were being hindered by what we had in the first place.

Breathe, beloved. And let faith, not fear, guide you through the storm.

#hope #expectation #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #mybeloved #zaidismail #suicidalawareness #suicideprevention #depression #anxiety #suicideawarenessmonth #lifecoaching