Judging is easy

Judging each other only becomes easy when we assume that we are above the behaviour that were judging.

When we receive the benefit of the doubt from others, we assume that we deserve it, rather than it being a result of their generosity of spirit.

When we’re misunderstood, we may be inclined towards accusing others of misunderstanding us, rather than considering that they had good reason to get it wrong.

Being defensive or judgemental are two traits that originate from the same source. That is, feeling emotionally vulnerable.

Judgement demands compliance with a standard that is larger than who we are, and therefore associates us with something that must be respected or revered.

That’s why it’s easier to judge than it is to understand. Because understanding demands that we set aside such associations and invest of ourselves in assessing the behaviour of others.

Sometimes, that investment means that we must suspend our focus on our rights in that relationship in order to understand. When we’re afraid of being insignificant, suspending such rights feels like an attack on our self worth.

The result…anger or bitterness.

If you need help navigating through such complex relationships in your life, I can help.

WhatsApp me on +27836599183 or reach out via my website at zaidismail.com.

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Always hope

When we focus on the struggles of our lives, we feel defeated.

When we focus on the growth, we feel empowered to overcome future obstacles.

But we’re human. We doubt ourselves and sometimes we feel entitled to peace.

In the process, we create self-fulfilling prophecies by growing despondent when things go wrong, rather than looking for the opportunities to create something better.

We limit our ability to overcome obstacles by telling ourselves that there is a limit to what we’re capable of dealing with.

Rather than embracing the challenges without preempting the outcomes, we end up focusing on how close we are to that limit that we set for ourselves and then grow defensive the moment we believe things are getting too close to it.

That’s how we prevent ourselves from trying beyond a certain point, and that’s how we grow to believe that some things are impossible to overcome.

Sometimes, when things seem like they’re falling apart, they may just be falling into place. But when we fixate on what’s falling apart, we deny ourselves the opportunity to see how it may be contributing towards our dreams and goals that were being hindered by what we had in the first place.

Breathe, beloved. And let faith, not fear, guide you through the storm.

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Reconnect with your innate wisdom

We all have an innate wisdom that we lose sight of as the distractions of life accumulate.

When we go out in search of answers and adopt methods that worked for someone else, we further distance ourselves from that innate wisdom.

This distancing that occurs undermines our authenticity, and leaves us feeling at odds with life rather than comforting us.

To reconnect with that peace that feels so elusive, we must reconnect with that innate wisdom, or else life will continue to feel like a detached experience.

It is only in sincere conversation that truths are encountered and wisdom adopted.

For this reason, I am not hers to teach you anything new. My sole purpose is to reconnect you with the wisdom that you already have within you.

Reach out at zaidismail.com or WhatsApp on +27836599183.

If you prefer, email me at info@zaidismail.com

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Depression is not an illness

I realise that this is a highly contentious point. But we must recognise the elephant in the room before we are able to deal with it.

The myth that depression is an illness causes more harm than the good it’s intended to achieve.

Depression is the absence of hope. Preceding that is the saturation of failed expectations from those we consider significant in our lives.

Like happiness, depression is not a choice. But, also like happiness, depression is an outcome of the collective choices that we make.

The more aware we are of those choices, and importantly the consequences of those choices, the more consciously we are able to make decisions to break the cycles that result from those choices.

The moment we label a human experience as an illness or a disorder, we create victims rather than masters of our emotional experience, thereby disempowering us in our efforts to rise above the unpleasant experiences of our lives.

Depression is not an illness. It is a legitimate human experience in response to bad experiences in life.

When we begin to recognise this, it becomes possible to reconnect with our humanity, rather than to surrender to an imagined illness.

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Do more than survive

Those who respect your victim-hood do so because it makes them feel better about themselves.

They either feel more accomplished, or they find comfort in the familiarity of your struggle.

Sometimes it gives them purpose in their need to uplift others so that their lives feel more fulfilled.

Whether their intentions are good or not is not what’s important. The important point is that neither prompts you to rise above being a victim.

Those who support you in your moments of weakness or need but also encourage you to rise above it are the ones to cherish.

Before you take offence to what I’m saying, you need to realise that you’re only a victim when you allow the oppression of others to define your self worth, and to dictate your effort towards establishing a life worth living.

The moment you own your life and rise above the impact of that oppression, you’re no longer a victim, you’re a fighter! Not a survivor!

As long as you focus on surviving, you’re still defined by the moment of your oppression, even though you may have freed yourself from it.

Be more than the struggles of your life. It’s possible, and beautifully rewarding.

Photo credit : Naadirah Ismail

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More than mindfulness

What we respond to reflects our personal values.

How we respond reflects our ego.

Emotional mindfulness is key to getting this right.

Situational mindfulness is knowing which battles to choose. That’s our value system that drives our choices.

Emotional mindfulness is being aware of how we feel when we choose our battles. That’s our self worth that comes into play.

Recognising the difference allows us to be more effective at achieving the positive outcomes that we hope for in life, rather than self-sabotaging because of our insecurities that may contaminate our tone in communicating what we feel strongly about.

Take your mindfulness to the next level.

More info on zaidismail.com.

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