Tag: entitlement

  • Raging into oblivion

    Raging into oblivion

    The rage that we hold within us feels like a justified protest or demand for justice or fairness from those around us.

    But rage is a master of distraction.

    It is born in moments of legitimate duress, but continues long after.

    The rage of being unheard in one moment leads to harshness when we feel misunderstood in a totally different moment.

    Rage is the intensity of our demand to be treated with significance or respect, while not realising that rage undermines both, our significance and the respect we need from others.

    Rage only ever achieves compliance from others while they may fear us in our moments of rage.

    The moment those around us no longer fear us, rage becomes a tool that destroys what we’re trying to achieve, and isolates us from the ones who we wish would see us more clearly.

    But we only rage because we don’t see ourselves clearly.

    And that’s the greatest distraction that rage offers us.

    It convinces us that we’re right and that everything that we see is wrong with others is good reason for us to rage.

    And in those moments, we lose our connection with reality and replace it with a focus on who is taking our pain seriously while not realising that we’re causing pain, leaving them to see nothing more than a brute rather than a hurt soul.

    Beyond the release of the anguish we hold within, rage offers no value at all in securing the peace or harmony that we want with those who matter to us.

    Don’t only try to restrain your rage.

    Instead, seek to understand why you feel that rage at all.

    Otherwise your rage will grow to define you while you may think it’s defining your battle cry to the world.

  • To know…

    To know…

    When you take out the murder weapon and gently and lovingly caress its edges, knowing that it disembowled the most dedicated soul that breathed joy into you, after they left you for the bitterness that sullied their miserable soul.

    When you can still pick up that blade and treat it with tenderness, and stare emptily at the one who raised you to be beautiful beyond that. Belligerent. Uncaring. Unflinching. Unapologetic for the impact of your actions on him.

    When you find yourself cocky enough to present yourself as this beacon of hope for your generation to make something of their life without feeling like they owe anyone anything.

    When you feel like you are here to take, and anything you give is a generosity of spirit on your part.

    You are no less calloused a soul than the scum that spawned you. You’re window dressing for the same delusional generation who thinks that no one has it worse than them, while benefiting from everything created by those before them, and feeling entitled to every comfort and unearned privilege that empowers the stench of your claims of entitlement to the world.

    But here you are thinking you need a break because you’re the generation of hope. You’re the generation of entitlement. Jope only features when a whimsical wimp inserts such a tough on your head because you lack any true understanding of the gratitude for who you are. You don’t know who you are without your social media validating you.

    You are a generation with a lost identity and a fairytale future blaming the past for a present that you have done nothing to improve, but everything to consume.

    And the last of the conscientious ones bare the burden of awakening this arrogance to the abdication of their humanness. Blaming the system for everything but having no system of their own to do better. Pawns doesn’t get to whimper about the Kings, until they’ve gathered the courage to stand toe-to-toe with the Kings. Until then, they’re just fodder for validation from your social circles.

    ,

  • Don’t trade your virtues for vices

    Don’t trade your virtues for vices

    Don’t withhold the beauty of your spirit just because there is no one around to appreciate it.

    Be who you are, and let others be who they choose to be.

    The expectation of being treated the way we treat others is what causes much bitterness and anger.

    It’s not worth it.

    Give without the expectation of receiving. And when you don’t receive, give some more.

    Waiting for others to return the favour before we do more, denies us the fulfilment of being who we are, while compromising our values to be who they are.

    Remember, we cannot give what we don’t have.

    When you withhold your gifts because you’re waiting for others to respond in kind first, you’re assuming that they have within them what drove you to give of yourself in the first place.

    It’s a crazy cycle.

    Break it by giving without the expectation of receiving from them in return.

    That’s the secret to fulfilment and contentment in our lives.

    When we expect something in return, we deny ourselves that fulfilment and we turn our good deeds into transactions.

    When we transact with our virtues in that way, not only do we diminish the value of what we’ve done and who we are, but we also end up treating others the way that they’ve treated us.

    That’s how we lose ourselves to our expectations from others.

    It always starts with you.

  • Expecting hope

    Expecting hope

    Expectations are simply hopes with a sense of entitlement.

    The reason for our entitlement to the fulfilment of our hopes are many. Most often, they’re based on what we contributed towards others.

    Sometimes we want that contribution reciprocated because we don’t want to allow others to treat us unfairly, or to take us for granted.

    But sometimes, we hold on to that entitlement because we want the treasures of who we are to be handled with love and gentleness by a specific other.

    Both are based on the hope of what the outcome offers us in happiness and fulfilment. Or even just in achieving a sense of significance.

    Unfortunately, if expectations are not mutually honoured, it becomes a burden for one, and a prison for the other.

    The good news is, both are choices. The burden and the prison. But they weigh us down until we recognise that they’re choices.

    More importantly, until we are willing to let go of the choice to hold on after we’ve exhausted all efforts to achieve its fulfilment, it will continue to feel like a burden or a prison that is imposed, and not one that is chosen.

    Choose wisely…choose consciously.

  • The forgotten village idiot

    The forgotten village idiot

    This essay has been playing on my mind a lot lately.

    Covid-19 has revealed the true nature of many, which only served to reinforce this notion.

    Who puts a smile on the face of the village idiot?

    The saddest part of this essay is that most who read the title thought it to be humorous.

    From my book The Egosystem, it explores our relationship with those who give selflessly, while being forgotten.

    This pandemic has highlighted the forgotten and the taken-for-granted, and it has diminished further the roles of others who are not deemed essential through need, but who maintain the wellbeing and spirit of others through quiet contribution.

    I’ve always considered what this world would feel like if we didn’t label the purpose or the need that we have of others, and instead we were compelled to choose very deliberately each time what it is that we value about another before we are able to obtain benefit from them.

    Would that be the cure for the pandemic of consumerism? Would it finally rid us of our inclination to see people as a means to an end?

    Or is even that an ideal so far fetched that only the most naive would buy into it?

  • Blind rage

    Blind rage

    Sometimes we get so caught up in our anger at the world that we lose sight of the fact that our anger feeds the very same cycles that we’ve grown to despise.

    Don’t get angry.

    If you can influence positive change, do it. If not, walk away.

    Insisting on rage after you’ve realised that you are unable to influence positive change is an indulgence of your ego and not a righteous protest.

    It’s not worth it.

    The rage within often blinds us from the oppression that we impose on others.

    The rage starts to build up after we’ve experienced oppression at the hands of others, but if left unchecked, it eventually clouds our judgement as we seek vengeance from anyone that reminds us of those who treated us badly.

    When you find a reason to rage at every assumed threat, peace becomes elusive and bitterness takes over.

    Find a balance between righting the wrongs and inspiring others to rise above your own experiences, otherwise all you’ll be left with is rage and no fulfilment, nor peace in this lifetime.

  • The Elephant in the Room: Entitlement

    The Elephant in the Room: Entitlement

    I attended an interesting event recently. It was focused on creating a space for men to discuss their role in furthering the progress of feminism, or at the least, creating equal opportunity spaces for women to succeed in traditionally male-dominated domains. For example, corporate careers, public service, sporting codes, and more.

    The discussion resulted in the usual points being raised about how we need to uplift, empower, encourage, motivate, and so on. But it failed to recognise one critical undercurrent of this narrative. That is, we believe we need to create space for women in traditional domains of men while ignoring the fact that in so doing, we are still holding the achievements of men as the yardstick for the success of women. And inadvertently, women measure themselves by a similar yardstick. Maybe not all, but from my vantage point, that is most certainly the trend.

    The second problem that I identified in the narrative that played out in this discussion is that the sensitivities of the men affected by this disruption of women entering their spaces apparently needs to be considered, as well as the stress experienced by women who ventured into this toxic space occupied and largely defined by men. Again, the problem being that we ignore personal choice and the consequences thereof, and we focus on creating victims out of every change or shift in societal norms.

    Therein lies the problem. It is the assumption that success is defined by those currently perceived as successful, rather than the unique value of what we are able to contribute. The entire approach of feminism, from my understanding, is that it aims to empower women to function successfully in traditionally male-dominated domains. What it doesn’t do is encourage women to disrupt that model and create one of their own that rivals or outshines the current model. The point of departure is so misguided that the distortion that it creates is fast becoming a reality.

    We don’t thrive by trying to insert ourselves into someone else’s world. We thrive by creating our own unique value and sharing it with the world. We all have something unique and valuable to offer, but we start out with the assumption that such contribution is reserved for a select few, while the rest of us are required to fit in with the agenda of the successful. That couldn’t be further from the truth.

    We need to shift the conversation from finishing school and getting a job, to developing our unique talents and creating value. If we pre-condition ourselves to believe that success lies in a promotion, or an award, we reaffirm the belief that success is only experienced through validation from those that we believe are more successful than we are, and in so doing, we limit our belief in what success we are capable of creating for ourselves.

    Women have critical mass in numbers to create unique value propositions that can easily compete with the domains that men dominate. However, what we lack, both with women and men alike, is the belief that individually we are capable of creating more than what we inherited from others. We constantly focus on imitating the models of success of others, or in trying to gain recognition for our contribution towards the success of others, but seldom do we find reason to believe that we are as capable, or more capable than the people that we look up to for inspiration.

    Feminism is a red herring. It is a distraction from the true empowerment of women, by women because it focuses on the performance of women relative to men. As I have said many times, men have failed this world. We have failed society, and we have very often failed our families. And now we’re trying to model the behaviour of women around this failed social structure. Is it just me or does anyone else see the insanity of this approach?

    It’s time to reinvent ourselves, instead of trying to make a broken system more efficient. Trying to make the current model work by insisting on inclusiveness is not going to change the outcomes. It’s only going to ensure that we have shared accountability for the failures of society. It’s time to re-think this strategy that is supposed to be the upliftment of women and society. Square pegs, round holes, and fish trying to climb trees. That is how I see our current trajectory for social reform. When will the distracted insanity stop?

    The entitlement here is twofold. Firstly, that men need to have their sensitivities considered when the broken model is disrupted. Secondly, that women deserve a seat at the table with men. While both views can be defended quite bullishly, it is the defense of a false positive. You don’t fix a broken system by trying to make it more inclusive, or efficient, because in so doing, you’re still propping up a broken system. Do we have the courage to reinvent ourselves to the point where the current system is redundant? Current trends suggest that we don’t.

    It’s time for a social revolution, and that revolution is not about the economic structures that sustain the current status quo of society. It is a revolution that must empower every one of us to rethink our model of the world, so that we can create one that is wholesome, sustainable, and equitable. Equality is a myth, because it dismisses the uniqueness of each of us. The sooner we get this point, the sooner we’ll adopt a healthier approach to preparing the generations to come.

  • Build, Maintain, or Destroy

    Build, Maintain, or Destroy

    The choice to improve our state has always appeared to be a default setting for human nature. Just like the baby that learns to crawl before learning to walk and then run, adults also seek constant progress with the aim to achieve more comfort or fulfilment in their lives. The nature of this world is such that everything, including the human body with all its marvelous designs is in a constant state of entropy. In the absence of entropy, no effort would be needed to maintain or to build on what we hold dear or true. 

    The desire to build on what we have reflects an appreciation for it, as well as an appreciation for our ability to create more with the skills and resources to which we have access. If we don’t appreciate it, we undermine its value, and in turn allow it to stagnate or deteriorate. Given the constant state of entropy, such stagnation while coupled with an expectation for things to stay the same reflects an entitlement mindset. A mindset that suggests that we did our part, and it is now someone or everyone else’s turn to do their part. Or we live with the expectation that once something is achieved, it will always be there and we end up taking it for granted. 

    When we take things for granted, it usually deteriorates or disappears completely from our lives. Take people for granted and they’ll find someone else to make them feel appreciated. Take things for granted and we’ll fail to maintain it until it eventually achieves a state of disrepair.  Remember entropy? Inaction on our part allows the destruction to gather pace because anything good requires maintenance. Anything bad can simply be left alone to continue its state of natural degradation. That is why when we want something to fail, we simply withhold our contribution towards its success, or maintenance. 

    But why allow something to deliberately fail if we previously saw value in creating  or maintaining it? I think the answer to that question is simple. We start to see the value of our contribution being more than the value of what we experience or receive in return. Sometimes this results in us abandoning this drain on our life, and at other times we keep holding on because we grow to believe that our contribution may not be as valuable as we thought it was.

    The moment we start doubting the value of our contribution, or in turn our worthiness of receiving such appreciation for it, the self-doubt starts creeping in and we start edging towards destruction. Destruction of the self before we destroy something external to us is usually the sequence in which it plays out. A healthy self-esteem never wants to be associated with destruction unless such destruction is believed to be necessary to destroy something that we believe is bad for us. 

    By the same token, an unhealthy self-esteem  will result in us wanting to destroy even valuable things because the destruction of good reflects the self-deprecation that we feel in that moment. When we grow to take for granted our value and abilities to contribute towards wholesome outcomes, we are more inclined to destroy than to build.

    And that is how we sway from building, to maintaining, to destroying, without stopping to realise that each state simply reflects our level of gratitude for who we are, and what we have. Instead, we find it easier to be distracted by the actions or behaviours of others in using their negative responses to justify our choice to give up on creating something good, so that we don’t have to look within and realise that we gave up on ourselves in the process. 

    Therefore, gratitude is expressed in a growth mindset, entitlement is reflected in a fixed mindset, and destruction is reflected in a toxic mindset. Each of which is a choice that we make based on what we choose to believe is true about who we are, and what we are capable of.