In celebration of women

On this Women’s Day, here’s a message to the men out there.

If you have that special someone to share this day with, consider yourself blessed. Women don’t love selflessly unless they commit fully.

If their passion scares you, don’t grow defensive or feel threatened. Draw strength from them. They see in you what you don’t see in yourself.

They see you beyond the failures of your past, or your feelings of inadequacy in your role as a father, brother, son, or husband.

When they inspire you to be more than you are, it’s not because they think you’re not good enough. It’s because they believe that you’re worth so much more. And they want you to be all you can be.

It’s not weakness to show your heart to her. Weakness is found in protecting yourself from being discovered because you are afraid of not being good enough.

When you protect yourself from rejection, you deny yourself growth. When you deny yourself growth, you deny yourself the fulfilment of embracing the very love and companionship that you desire in life.

A woman is driven innately to nurture, and nurturing automatically inspires growth. So perhaps the tension between you and your partner is because she sees how much more you can be together, and you’re afraid to embrace that reality from fear of not being able to make the cut.

I know of men that would kill a bull to be in your position. And if you find it difficult to understand her, try to understand the men she had in her life before you. Including her father, or other male figures. The ones who treated her badly, or denied her a voice.

The sad reality is that there are a few good men who have to bear the burden of the many who have lost themselves to the ego of society.

I hope you choose to be part of the few. If you choose this, you will have the best of what this world has to offer by way of companionship and fulfilment of purpose.

To love, without restraint, and to be loved in return, is the greatest gift. Don’t deny yourself this gift by protecting yourself from a weakness that only you believe in.

And to the women, don’t stop believing in yourself. But recognise that when you judge a man by the standard of those who came before him, you have yet to fully heal from the harshness of your past. Don’t make a good man bad by holding him accountable for something that he had no part in.

And men…don’t make a good woman bad by expecting her to make up for the gentleness and compassion that you were denied by those who came before her. Including your parents.

Cherish each other…and gaze upon each other in the same way that you want to be seen. Anything less is an injustice to your soul, and to the beauty that is waiting to bloom between you and your partner.

Have a blessed Women’s Day.

Zaid Ismail
Author | Life Coach

#women #womensday2020 #mybeloved #companionship #relationshipgoals

Cherished to death

When love is a well kept secret, it becomes torturous

When love is embraced, it emits a glow that keeps the darkness of the world at bay

When we withhold our love from fear of it not being enough, we destroy the very object of our affection

Thus, self deprecation cherishes beauty in silence, but leaves to whither and die, the object of its cherishing

It is the doubts we harbour of our adequacy, that undermines our resolve to be beautiful

In our efforts to hide from the world our fear, we lose sight of those who see in us what we don’t see in ourselves

Those same souls who worship our beauty, but are discarded through our fear, are the souls whose hearts we cherish…silently

Our belief that they do not need our embrace as much as we wish they would embrace us, is what leaves them cherished, but discarded

Even the most cherished of hearts, if left without a home, will die of exposure.

Perhaps this is why the good fades from our lives, as we hold on to the bad that we believe is not fair to place as a burden on others…

#hope #expectation #sincerity #love #romance #companionship #soulfood #soulmates #anincompletelovestory #zaidismail #mybeloved #ownyourlife #embracingME #relationshipgoals #dreams #whatdreamsmaycome

A Brain Dump

The short posts don’t allow for a meaningful purge of what rumbles inside my head. And there’s a lot of rumbling this morning. Having finally published my novel, the reactions I’ve noted along with the assumptions that people make about my reasons for doing so, are entertaining. I’ve always taken a morbid pleasure from watching people sum me up incorrectly, or assume to know what drives me. I barely know myself, so it’s highly improbable that anyone else will know either.

Despite my efforts at explaining myself, sharing my passion, living out loud, and scribbling my thoughts in digital ink for any passerby to read, I still remain a well-kept secret. A colourful life such as mine is intimidating for many to grasp. It’s much easier for them to find random points of entertainment instead. Of that, there is an unlimited supply.

However, it only serves to be morbidly entertaining if the ones who are peering in have no significance in my life. What then when one held dear takes a closer look and feels afraid? Those are the moments when the introspection shifts from morbid curiosity to flirting with regret. Being trusting has earned me more struggles than deliberate betrayals ever did.

When philosophy teases us, we play with words that talk of the strength of character of those most burdened by the trials of life, but when reality demands that we embrace them, we recede from fear of contamination. Sometimes, we recede from fear of feeling burdened by them. But from afar, from a safe distance, we admire and celebrate their resilience, as long as they keep their resilience to themselves.

The irony of society is that it will be more inclined to offer itself to one who appears untarnished so that it may experience the process of being tarnished by the experiences of life with them, rather than to revel in the joy of one who has already been polished by what once tarnished them. It’s the equivalent of wanting to marry a virgin, but hoping to have the sexual experience of a seasoned whore, and then realising that the whore may be more pleasurable, but looking for one who is still virginal in demeanour. We really are an entertaining bunch, aren’t we?

Sometimes it seems like we’re hypocritical in our approach to establishing or respecting respectable standards, but that hypocrisy is easily defended when such standards become our own to defend. Fear of the future has tainted many well-meaning men, and suspicion has destroyed many loves before they were allowed to bloom.

Words have been elusive, except in unpredictable bursts of late. The topics have been revealing, teasing my soul and flirting with my audience, but largely unfulfilled either way. Fulfilment continues to be a slithery one. Testing everything that I assumed to be true, and teasing it with new experiences and emotions that have long been dismissed as taunts of fairy tales.

Poetry has been a bipolar friend. Sometimes testing my skill at articulating the melody of my mindlessness, and at other times distorting my words to reflect the angst that defines my madness. Between mindlessness and madness, love is cradled in a delicate hammock, ready to tip over at the slightest sway, but even in its tipping over, offering laughter and joy in unexpected waves of delight that distract me from the sand in my face.

The ambivalence of life digs ever deeper. Joys grow more intense with each ravaging of happiness that passes, only to be followed by yet another crescendo of joy. Each time, the crescendo exceeds the previous pitch, creating an ever-deepening cavern into which to plunge when the joy is tainted. From depths of despair to wings of angels, peace is elusive. But peace fades from want in the presence of such joy. If only the joy would stay, perhaps then it will inspire a peaceful serenade of a life waiting to be indulged in hues yet to be seen.

An interesting life leaves a kaleidoscope of scars that form beautiful patterns in the stars, as we imagine constellations of soulful connections in spaces that remain empty and lifeless, if not for the gaze of the beloved into that realm. My vocabulary fails me much. Yet another double-edged dagger, fulfilling my need to articulate more closely what my heart yearns for, yet denying me attachment due to my increasingly complex expression in my efforts to be understood. Finding the most articulate words to describe in the smallest phrases has birthed the epitome of sophistication through minimalism. Only such sophistication serves no good end in the absence of one who seeks to understand, or heaven forbid, to embrace.

A dump indeed, this has been…but not of the brain, and more of the heart. A strange encounter.

To be loved…

Love, without understanding, is mere infatuation.

To love, is to see the strength that created such beauty, not just to admire the beauty.

To love, is to caress the scar with a gentleness that honours the pain that caused it.

To love, is to see the pain that sometimes distorts the beauty, without devaluing the beauty.

To love, is to see, before needing to be seen.

The profession of love, without truly knowing who is being loved, is a profession of need, more than it is an embrace.

It is when our need to be understood by our beloved exceeds our desire to understand them first that love makes a silent exit, and entitlement replaces it.

To truly love, you must first seek to understand, because understanding demands that you pay attention to your beloved, before you feel a need to demand their attention for what you need instead.

Be loved. Be blessed.

#love #romance #companionship #soulfood #soulmates #anincompletelovestory #zaidismail #lovestory #relationshipgoals #infatuation #sincerity #mybeloved

To be loved…truly

Three things that make us whole…

To be seen… Beyond the facade. To have the essence of who we are, known to those we trust and hold dear.

To be heard… Not only when we cry out, but also when we speak gently of the troubles in our heart.

To be loved… For more than how we make others feel, but to be loved for what we need in return, without having to claim it.

In that order, because a voice without an identity is not a voice. It’s only a whisper in the wind.

A face without a voice is only window dressing, or a trophy. And not a complete being.

And love… Love without a reciprocal embrace…an embrace of what we hold within, as well as what we willingly give, is an empty love that taints towards bitterness, rather than beauty.

Love beyond lust or infatuation is rare. True love is never abandoned.

I see you. I hear you. I love you. Three of the most valuable gifts you could ever give. But, you cannot give what you don’t have. For this reason, you must first see, hear, and love who you are, before you will be able to share it with another.

#love #romance #companionship #soulfood #soulmates #anincompletelovestory #gratitude #appreciation #zaidismail #authenticity #relationshipgoals #joy

Save yourself from regrets

I believe that among the great deathbed regrets will be the realisation that we never truly showed the world who we are.

It’s the what-ifs and if-onlys that cause more regret and heartache than any bad decision.

Bad decisions are made with good intentions, yet we always choose to remember the negative outcome, rather than celebrate our innocence and sincerity for trying.

We do this because we’re more focused on what others think of us, than we are about what we know to be true about ourselves.

This bias against ourselves is one of the roots with which ingratitude takes hold in our life.

When that happens, we become martyrs in our own mind, as we focus on everything that didn’t work out, while losing sight of the beauty and blessings that we have.

Living up to your convictions, despite society, is what will provide you with peace and fulfilment when you need it most.

That is, in those final moments when you look back at the sum total of your life and wonder if you made the best of it, or did you only focus on the worst of it?

Redefine what peace means to you. It is always beyond just the absence of disagreement or hostility. Peace lies in being true to yourself, and appreciating the opportunities for growth that such conviction creates in those around you.

#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #ownyourshit #embracingME #motivation #optimism #zaidismail #peace #deathbedregrets #death #companionship