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You are your own worst victim
The victim mindset wreaks the most destruction and creates the worst of oppressors. The victim mindset is established when we find ourselves nursing wounds of experiences and betrayals that have long since passed. The victim mindset is nurtured when we are emotionally impacted by the behaviour of those who play no meaningful role in our…
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Woe is me…or is it?
The need to be pacified about the struggles of our life is an indication of how much or how little we believe in ourselves to rise above it. When we lose sight of our contribution towards our current state, we surrender to destiny or fate, and wait to be saved or celebrated for how strong…
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Wow! Look at me now…
Of all the things that test our resolve, the acquisition of knowledge is the most important. It’s easy to get lost in the praise and social elevation that accompanies achievements such as professional qualifications, religious standing, or even business success. And because each of it demands a lot of personal sacrifice and discipline, the feeling…
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Destroying peace to find peace
Rage is a destructive demand for significance when we believe that who we are is not enough to be important to those we love. The anger that spurs on the rage is a defence mechanism to protect ourselves from becoming invisible. We try, in our own little futile ways, to be enough without being able…
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Honourable destruction
When honour is confused with social standing, abuse becomes an acceptable form of saving face. Beyond considerations of family honour, this toxic cultural practice convinces the individual that infidelity becomes excusable because divorce is deplorable. It convinces the brute of the justification of their rage when their partner rejects dehumanising practices by their in-laws. It…
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‘Sorry’ isn’t the hardest part
The only thing worse than an insincere apology is the apology that is offered with a demand that it be accepted. The most important part of an apology is not that it is made, but that it is authentic. Not just sincere. Authentic. If an apology is limited to a text message, or a few…
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But is it abuse?
If the widespread belief that silent treatment is emotional abuse is to be accepted, then we must also consider the form of abuse that its counter behaviour imposes. Silent treatment is not an assault on the senses and it doesn’t demand a response. The impact on the recipient of silent treatment is therefore dependent on…
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Navigating relationships – 5 of 5
As romantic as it seems, needing someone to complete you means that you’re not at peace with yourself. It’s not about whether it’s right or wrong. Instead, it’s about being aware of the demands that you’re placing on your partner, most likely without realising it. If both are equally invested in such an approach to…
