Of all the things that test our resolve, the acquisition of knowledge is the most important.
It’s easy to get lost in the praise and social elevation that accompanies achievements such as professional qualifications, religious standing, or even business success.
And because each of it demands a lot of personal sacrifice and discipline, the feeling of entitlement to its rewards takes root without much effort at all.
Especially since there are many who would treat us with privilege because of their need to be associated with such social standing, or success.
However, that’s when we lose ourselves to the trinkets and luxuries that accompanies such success.
That’s when we lose ourselves to the power and influence that such social standing offers.
That’s when the true tests of our convictions and our value systems present themselves.
Not only does it matter how we treat people after enjoying such accomplishments, but more importantly, how we utilise the resources that we have access to, including the social structures of privilege that we belong to, that determines the true value of our accomplishments.
A healthy self-esteem is the only grounding point to prevent such erosion of values or ethical standing.
A healthy self-esteem, not an inflated ego, is what will keep us focused on how much more good we can achieve, or value we can create for those who cannot benefit us, so that we don’t squander our success or opportunities on self-enrichment or extravagance of lifestyle.
The sweetness of life lies in the upliftment of others.
It’s the only accomplishment that doesn’t leave us chasing for validation or acceptance.
It’s rooted in gratitude for who we are and what we have.
Without such gratitude, we forever chase opportunities to subdue the fear of inadequacy.
It always starts with you.
#greed #ethicalcorruption #corruption #selfworth #selfloathing #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #philanthropy #charity #abuse #narcissism #narcissiticabuse
Tag: narcissiticabuse
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Wow! Look at me now…
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Honourable destruction
When honour is confused with social standing, abuse becomes an acceptable form of saving face.
Beyond considerations of family honour, this toxic cultural practice convinces the individual that infidelity becomes excusable because divorce is deplorable.
It convinces the brute of the justification of their rage when their partner rejects dehumanising practices by their in-laws.
It replaces ideals of honour and virtue with ideals of being celebrated by the community for the facade that we create of an empty shell of a life.
It teaches our children that what others think of you is always more important than what you think of yourself.
Because we’ve convinced ourselves that it is the village that gives us relevance, we’ve lost sight of how toxic that village has become.
Izzat is the excuse for marital rape, because our rights are infinitely more important than our responsibilities.
Izzat is the excuse for honour killings, because appearing weak is assumed to be caving in to justice, while upholding injustice.
Izzat has eroded the foundation of society, in all societies and not just the Indian culture, because women are seen as symbols of the grandeur of men, and men have grown to be defined by how much his woman raises his stature.
And in the war for self-worth, the physically weak suffer most, while the physically strong destroy the people around them because they don’t know how to deal with their weakness.
Break the cycle.
Own Your Life.
#abuse #maritalrape #honourkilling #honorkilling #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #relationshipgoals #narcissiticabuse #narcissisticparents #narcissism #cheating -
But is it abuse?
If the widespread belief that silent treatment is emotional abuse is to be accepted, then we must also consider the form of abuse that its counter behaviour imposes.
Silent treatment is not an assault on the senses and it doesn’t demand a response. The impact on the recipient of silent treatment is therefore dependent on what the recipient needs to feel validated or visible in that relationship.
It also means that the reason for the dysfunctional communication has to be considered beyond just the withholding of communication from one of the parties.
However, with nagging, it is an assault on the senses and has an inherent demand for a response.
Nagging is based on the assumption of insensitivity or unwillingness on the part of our partner, rather than trying to understand why the first or second request for something was not or could not have been agreed to, or why they see no point in repeatedly acknowledging the same point.
The important point is therefore not about whether it is or is not abuse, but rather why the communication has broken down to the point of such behaviours being the only means to express dissatisfaction with our partners.
Claims of abuse are counter-productive unless either party is physically prevented from walking away from such forms of ‘abuse’ .
The focus should therefore be on creating understanding about why communication has broken down, rather than supporting one partner against the other.
No one nags or remains silent if they believe that their reasonable voice will be appreciated.
#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #marriagecounselling #relationshipgoals #communication #empathy #ownyourlife #narcissiticabuse #narcissism -
Dehumanising struggling humans
Trigger warning ⚠
As destructive as narcissistic behaviour is, it is not the entirety of any person’s being.
Narcissism is a result of intense insecurity about the self.
To compensate for this insecurity, the one who is insecure about their worth to others will always focus on hiding their shame, rather than admitting their vulnerability.
That’s why they’re so quick to preemptively defend themselves or to direct blame at others when things go wrong.
It’s simply a result of being exhausted from never having been enough, or significant enough to significant others in their lives.
People often assume that narcissistic behaviour is selfish because people who tend towards such behaviour come from privileged backgrounds, or always got what they wanted.
That’s part of the problem.
Having privilege doesn’t mean that we feel heard as human beings. Or that we feel seen.
Narcissistic behaviour is real, but it’s not something that cannot be changed, nor is it something that is consistent in every sphere of their life.
The worst thing for narcissism is to be coupled with someone who is needy or also insecure themselves.
If you’re insecure about who you are, your needs from someone who is struggling with narcissistic insecurities is like a threat to their feelings of inadequacy.
That’s why an insecure individual will be more affected by narcissistic behaviour than one who is grounded in their self-worth.
We must stop dehumanising humans by labeling them based on how we experience their behaviour.
Instead, we must seek to understand, with compassion and empathy.
But we can only do that if we have it within ourselves, for ourselves.
You can’t give what you don’t have.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #narcissism #narcissiticabuse
