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Too good to be true
I’m often asked why is it that someone with a solid self-worth can have their sense of self totally destroyed by a bad relationship. This is why. Despite our best intentions, placing someone on a pedestal is never a good idea. Not only will it blind us to their humanness, it will also distract us…
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Pitying yourself into oblivion
Self-pity is an indulgence in futility that results from picking at our wounds long after the betrayal from another has passed. Waiting for someone to care about us before we care for ourselves is not about needing them to care as much as it is about us wanting them to see how important they are…
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Bitter sweet arrogance
Arrogance is a result of insecurity that is presented as unwarranted confidence. While it’s easier to focus on the harshness that results from such behaviour, it’s more important to remember that only an insecure person will have a need to demand significance through arrogant behaviour. Arrogance serves as a distraction from our harsh self-judgement. If…
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Enabling abuse
We often believe in others the way we wish they would believe in us. Sometimes, when we give up hope in someone believing in us, we find it that much more difficult to believe in others. It’s these same emotional commitments that drive us toward making excuses for bad behaviour from someone close to us.…
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Is it worth the effort?
Much of life is wasted exhausting yourself in claiming your rights from others. Whether you have a right to be treated a certain way or not is not going to influence the one who chooses to ignore your rights. They believe they have good reason to deny you such rights, in the same way that…
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Afraid to hope
If fear is what shapes your view of what lies ahead, you’re focused on everything that could go wrong because of what went wrong before. That may seem like a natural response to protect ourselves from being hurt or betrayed again, but it also means that we’re focusing on everything that appears as a risk.…
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You are responsible for your abusive ways
This is true about abusive men and women. Not just men. “Stop complaining and just take it like a man!” “Why can’t you just be a man?” “He’s so useless. I wish my husband was like yours!” “it’s not as bad as you’re making it out to be” “You deserved it.” “If it was another…
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Let’s exchange needs
Men complain about lack of intimacy and women complain about emotional unavailability. Sometimes, the roles are reversed, but generally, these are the two most common issues that couples face in a relationship. Problem is, neither is the problem that needs to be solved. We’re naturally more emotionally available in spaces where we feel seen or…
