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Embrace your demons
Relationships fail when the demons of both don’t play nicely with each other. But demons are not so easy to recognise. What feels like a right or a legitimate expectation is often underpinned by a demon from the past when those rights were denied, or those expectations dismissed. Our innate need to be of significance…
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Too good to be true
I’m often asked why is it that someone with a solid self-worth can have their sense of self totally destroyed by a bad relationship. This is why. Despite our best intentions, placing someone on a pedestal is never a good idea. Not only will it blind us to their humanness, it will also distract us…
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Pitying yourself into oblivion
Self-pity is an indulgence in futility that results from picking at our wounds long after the betrayal from another has passed. Waiting for someone to care about us before we care for ourselves is not about needing them to care as much as it is about us wanting them to see how important they are…
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Bitter sweet arrogance
Arrogance is a result of insecurity that is presented as unwarranted confidence. While it’s easier to focus on the harshness that results from such behaviour, it’s more important to remember that only an insecure person will have a need to demand significance through arrogant behaviour. Arrogance serves as a distraction from our harsh self-judgement. If…
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Enabling abuse
We often believe in others the way we wish they would believe in us. Sometimes, when we give up hope in someone believing in us, we find it that much more difficult to believe in others. It’s these same emotional commitments that drive us toward making excuses for bad behaviour from someone close to us.…
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Life is nothing without gratitude
Gratitude is only possible if you’re present in the moment you’re in. Fear distracts us from the present moment by reminding us of the past and tainting our experience of the present. It’s when we look for evidence in the present moment of the causes of pain from our past, that we find reason to…
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Selective inheritance
Our relationship with our parents, whether they were present or absent, wholesome or abusive, will have a distinct impact on how we shape our character through life. Not only will we develop our sense of self based on how we felt in their presence, but they are also our main point of reference in how…
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Recycling generational trauma
One of the biggest mistakes in trying to break the generational trauma cycle is that we focus on NOT wanting to be like our parents. All that allows us to do is figure out what we don’t want for ourselves and our children. While that might seem like enough, it also means that we will…
