Tag: events

  • Selective inheritance

    Selective inheritance

    Our relationship with our parents, whether they were present or absent, wholesome or abusive, will have a distinct impact on how we shape our character through life.

    Not only will we develop our sense of self based on how we felt in their presence, but they are also our main point of reference in how to raise children, or show up as a partner to our spouse.

    Whether you actively adopt or actively reject what you experienced with them, that becomes the grounding point that informs your decisions about what is or isn’t acceptable in your future relationships, and specially in your parenting style.

    Judgement has nothing to do with it because knowing right from wrong or good from bad is easy.

    There is no shortage of material and advisors to point out what or who is right or wrong.

    Unfortunately, there’s a critical shortage of advisors to help us to understand why, despite knowing what’s right, so many of us struggle to do what’s right. Including our parents.

    Connecting with the human behind the role, both in your parents and in yourself or your partner, reignites the empathy and compassion that judgement kills within us.

    It is judgement that makes us harsh and rigid towards each other, while understanding breeds appreciation and compassion, if not affection.

    Join me with panelists Hana Haths and Dineo Nomayeza Sibuyi on Saturday, 29 October 2022 at 2pm for an in depth discussion about this and other topics related to the gender wars that prevail in the SA Muslim community.

    Tickets available at zaidismail.com at a nominal charge of R100 for in-person attendance and R60 for Zoom participation if you’re not in the Johannesburg area.

    Refreshments will be provided.

    Limited seating available so book now before the last minute rush.

  • Recycling generational trauma

    Recycling generational trauma

    One of the biggest mistakes in trying to break the generational trauma cycle is that we focus on NOT wanting to be like our parents.

    All that allows us to do is figure out what we don’t want for ourselves and our children.

    While that might seem like enough, it also means that we will only become aware of our own unhealthy traits that we’re passing onto our children through trial and error.

    Remember that knowing what you don’t want doesn’t mean that you know what is good or healthy. It means that you only know what of the unhealthy stuff you don’t want, but it doesn’t mean that you know what other unhealthy stuff awaits you.

    Trial and error is a very painful and exhausting way to figure out how to build healthy relationships with our children, or with our parents, and by extension, with our partners.

    By focusing on what we don’t want in life, we go through life in defence mode because we’re constantly protecting ourselves from the threats that may lead to a repeat of our experiences in our childhood or past relationships.

    Thus, we risk replacing one cycle of generational trauma with another.

    Seeking to understand why our parents may not have been capable of more than what we got from them is key to breaking the cycle.

    But, we don’t know what we don’t know. That’s why fresh perspectives are needed in our efforts to unravel these difficult experiences of life.

    This will be one of the key discussion points at the next event on Gender Wars on 29 October 2022.

    If you haven’t booked your ticket yet, do so now at zaidismail.com.

    Zoom tickets also available.