Destroying peace to find peace

Rage is a destructive demand for significance when we believe that who we are is not enough to be important to those we love.

The anger that spurs on the rage is a defence mechanism to protect ourselves from becoming invisible.

We try, in our own little futile ways, to be enough without being able to express ourselves the way others may expect, which leaves us feeling unappreciated when they don’t realise how difficult even that little expression was for us.

That’s when we feel the rage build up, because we’re reduced to love languages, and token gestures that define how we must express ourselves, when all we want is to just be appreciated for who we are.

But, that feeling of frustration at not being able to express our emotions in a healthier way was instilled in us long before our adult years.

Therefore, the rage at our partners or children is simply years of bottled up anger at never being enough, or never feeling heard or seen, by those we relied on most to make us feel safe, and whole.

It is our invisibility in childhood that creates our demands from the world as adults.

It is our feelings of inadequacy as children, that fans the rage of abuse and marital rape in our adult years.

It is our obliviousness to the value of who we are, despite the failings of our parent/s, that keeps us raging at innocent ones who had nothing to do with the nurturing of our insecurities in childhood.

That’s how we end up repeating the very cycles that destroyed our sense of self.

When you judge your parents harshly for what they didn’t give you, you fail to see their humanness.

The very same humanness that you fail to see in yourself, that causes you to rage at the world, instead of appreciating the beauty and peace that it offers.

You cannot give what you don’t have.

And you cannot grow if you’re waiting for others to treat you right before you let go of the rage.

It always starts with you.

#angermanagement #rage #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #selfworth #selfloathing #narcissisticabuse #narcissism

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