Judging self into misery

When we internalise our struggle to the point of believing it to be so unique that it cannot possibly be grasped by anyone else, we give it a power of magnitude beyond the experience itself.

Misery intensifies the more we dwell on it.

When we live inside our heads, we convince ourselves that our struggle and our pain defines our courage because if only ‘they’ knew what we were dealing with while still showing up, they wouldn’t judge us the way that they do.

We judge ourselves harshly long before we give the world an opportunity to judge us.

We then take that self-judgement and treat it as a truth of what we think others think of us.

Then we treat others based on that assumption that we made from the self-judgement while blaming them for judging us.

Crazy, right?

That’s what holding on to pain or misery does.

It distorts our grasp on reality because we only find what we’re looking for, while we ignore or dismiss anything that conflicts with that.

It’s not as confusing as it may sound.

If you go to the grocery cupboard looking for a can of tuna, you’re not going to notice if you have enough rice left, because you weren’t looking for rice, you were looking for tuna.

Same with life.

What you focus on is what you’ll find, and that’s why you won’t see what others see if you’re busy judging yourself or waiting for justice, because they’re looking at your life very differently.

That’s how we create self-fulfilling prophecies in relationships, or we create anxiety about what we need to deal with in life.

Step back.

Take a deep breath.

Break the routine.

And surround yourself with people or an environment that helps you to regain perspective beyond what is weighing you down.

That’s how we reconnect with hope and with joy in life.

It always starts with you.

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