Tag: selfpity

  • Judging self into misery

    Judging self into misery

    When we internalise our struggle to the point of believing it to be so unique that it cannot possibly be grasped by anyone else, we give it a power of magnitude beyond the experience itself.

    Misery intensifies the more we dwell on it.

    When we live inside our heads, we convince ourselves that our struggle and our pain defines our courage because if only ‘they’ knew what we were dealing with while still showing up, they wouldn’t judge us the way that they do.

    We judge ourselves harshly long before we give the world an opportunity to judge us.

    We then take that self-judgement and treat it as a truth of what we think others think of us.

    Then we treat others based on that assumption that we made from the self-judgement while blaming them for judging us.

    Crazy, right?

    That’s what holding on to pain or misery does.

    It distorts our grasp on reality because we only find what we’re looking for, while we ignore or dismiss anything that conflicts with that.

    It’s not as confusing as it may sound.

    If you go to the grocery cupboard looking for a can of tuna, you’re not going to notice if you have enough rice left, because you weren’t looking for rice, you were looking for tuna.

    Same with life.

    What you focus on is what you’ll find, and that’s why you won’t see what others see if you’re busy judging yourself or waiting for justice, because they’re looking at your life very differently.

    That’s how we create self-fulfilling prophecies in relationships, or we create anxiety about what we need to deal with in life.

    Step back.

    Take a deep breath.

    Break the routine.

    And surround yourself with people or an environment that helps you to regain perspective beyond what is weighing you down.

    That’s how we reconnect with hope and with joy in life.

    It always starts with you.

  • Own your misery

    Own your misery

    Miserable are the ones who compete with their companions, and then go searching for companionship among those that will ruin them.

    Self-pity and self-loathing are the marks of ingratitude that turn your greatest supporters into your greatest distractions.

    All because you think that they see the inadequacy and shame with which you view yourself.

    That’s why at times, when someone believes in us, we convince ourselves that they’re simply trying to humiliate us.

    Such is the seeds of ingratitude and self-loathing, that we end up taking advice from enemies, and discarding advice from those who care most about our success.

    Your self-loathing is your ingratitude for who you are.
    Stop blaming the world for you getting in your own way.

    It always starts with you.

  • Self pity destroys everything

    Self pity destroys everything

    Self pity destroys the very life that we wish we had.

    It is spawned by the belief that the future holds nothing for us, because the injustices of our past remain unavenged, or unappreciated.

    Without realising it, we become defined by our struggle, and lose ourselves in the process.

    Until we are faced with one who sees the beauty and the potential that we’ve lost sight of.

    Sadly, at that point, we feel torn between hope and shame.

    Hope that what we wanted all this time is finally reachable, and fear that our inadequacy may be discovered, leaving us abandoned or rejected once more.

    Because, if we were discarded when we gave off our best, surely we’ll be rejected or judged harshly now that we’re at our worst.

    At least, that is what we have convinced ourselves is true because of our fixation on the brutality of our past.

    That’s the root cause of the self pity that now destroys any good that threatens to expose our vulnerability, our neediness, or our shortcomings that gave someone we once trusted enough reason to reject us.

    Until we realise that it was our choice, albeit an innocent and unintended choice, to be defined by our struggles, we’ll assume that anyone expecting more from us, or believing in us, is an attempt to undermine the struggle that we have endured, and continue to battle.

    That’s how self pity creates the vicious cycles of repeat abandonment, while we convince ourselves that the subsequent abandonment justifies our need to protect ourselves from rejection.

    If you’re struggling to break this cycle, reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and let’s create the life that you’ve always wanted. And deserve.