Tag: joy

  • Judging self into misery

    Judging self into misery

    When we internalise our struggle to the point of believing it to be so unique that it cannot possibly be grasped by anyone else, we give it a power of magnitude beyond the experience itself.

    Misery intensifies the more we dwell on it.

    When we live inside our heads, we convince ourselves that our struggle and our pain defines our courage because if only ‘they’ knew what we were dealing with while still showing up, they wouldn’t judge us the way that they do.

    We judge ourselves harshly long before we give the world an opportunity to judge us.

    We then take that self-judgement and treat it as a truth of what we think others think of us.

    Then we treat others based on that assumption that we made from the self-judgement while blaming them for judging us.

    Crazy, right?

    That’s what holding on to pain or misery does.

    It distorts our grasp on reality because we only find what we’re looking for, while we ignore or dismiss anything that conflicts with that.

    It’s not as confusing as it may sound.

    If you go to the grocery cupboard looking for a can of tuna, you’re not going to notice if you have enough rice left, because you weren’t looking for rice, you were looking for tuna.

    Same with life.

    What you focus on is what you’ll find, and that’s why you won’t see what others see if you’re busy judging yourself or waiting for justice, because they’re looking at your life very differently.

    That’s how we create self-fulfilling prophecies in relationships, or we create anxiety about what we need to deal with in life.

    Step back.

    Take a deep breath.

    Break the routine.

    And surround yourself with people or an environment that helps you to regain perspective beyond what is weighing you down.

    That’s how we reconnect with hope and with joy in life.

    It always starts with you.

  • To be loved

    To be loved

    To be seen… Beyond the facade. To have the essence of who we are, known to those we trust and hold dear.

    To be heard… Not only when we cry out, but also when we speak gently of the troubles in our heart.

    To be loved… For more than how we make others feel, but to be loved for what we need in return, without having to claim it.

    In that order, because a voice without an identity is not a voice. It’s only a whisper in the wind.

    A face without a voice is only window dressing, or a trophy. And not a complete being.

    And love… Love without a reciprocal embrace…an embrace of what we hold within, as well as what we willingly give, is an empty love that taints towards bitterness, rather than beauty.

    Love beyond lust or infatuation is rare. True love is never abandoned.

    I see you.

    I hear you.

    I love you.

    Three of the most valuable gifts you could ever give.

    But, you cannot give what you don’t have.

    For this reason, you must first see, hear, and love who you are, before you will be able to share it with another.

  • What’s your legacy?

    What’s your legacy?

    Live to love, to laugh, and to leave a legacy.

    It is only through truly appreciating who we are, that we will be able to leave an imprint of love in the hearts of those we cherish.

    Until we connect with that gratitude of self, our efforts will put smiles in the hearts of others, while our own faces carry smiles that barely reach our eyes.

    Without such gratitude, our laughter will be nothing more than an attempt to release, in that moment, the heaviness that we harbour within.

    And our legacy will be one of sacrifice and martyrdom, teaching our loved ones to sacrifice themselves in the service of others, while not teaching them how to connect with the sweetness of such service.

    Material success is only a blessing if it uplifts, rather than enslaves.

    Wealth that enslaves is the wealth that strokes our ego but deprives us of the joy of human connection, or denies us the bonds of beauty that feed our souls.

    Laughter should not be sourced from a business deal that outwitted our opponents.

    Such laughter will mock us in our later years when we realise that our fascination with wealth was merely a drop in the ocean of joy compared to the joy that we could have achieved in investing our incredible talents to brighten up the faces of loved ones, or even strangers.

    Wealth is a means to an end. Don’t get so caught up in the means that you completely lose sight of your end.

  • Make space for peace

    Make space for peace

    Don’t go searching for peace.

    Get rid of the noise and peace will find its way to you.

    When you find yourself in darkness, it doesn’t help to try to contain the darkness, does it? Instead, we go in search of a means to create l light.

    Similarly, when you’re desiring peace, you need to understand what is robbing you of that peace and focus on resolving that, rather than trying to wish it away by yearning for peace only.

    Think about it. Does it help to go on a journey to get rid of baggage if you’re packing the baggage with you for the trip?

    That’s why we must take time to recognise what we’re holding onto that brings us discomfort or anguish, so that we can stop investing energy in it.

    Remember, it’s not always someone or something that we need to let go of, it’s often how we perceive them, or it, that needs to change.

    That’s part of letting go of the noise that doesn’t serve us well so that we can create space for peace in our lives.

    Always remind yourself that the opinion that you formed about yourself, or about someone else, was done at a different time in your life, and theirs.

    If you can allow yourself to outgrow bad ways, don’t you owe it to others to allow them the same kindness?

    And if you’re still judging yourself by a mistake from a different time in your life, then you have yet to understand the true meaning of kindness and compassion.

    If you’re grappling with such a challenge, I can assist you to change the narrative of your life for the better. Reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and let’s get the conversation started.

  • Misery is the thief of time

    Misery is the thief of time

    Anything that requires a concerted effort is exhausting…like being miserable or morbid…it demands that we suppress any inclination to find joy or happiness in simple things.

    Can anyone guess why we would do this? 🤔

    Joy is what we give up when we hold on to misery.

    Don’t become so distracted by how you were betrayed or abused by others that you grow fixated on wanting to see them get their own back while putting your own joy on hold.

    Remember that it took a specific event to make you feel miserable, but up to that point joy came naturally.

    This means that our natural state is one of joyfulness, and it also means that we have to put in a lot of effort to prevent ourselves from experiencing joy.

    That’s why misery and depression is so exhausting.

    It’s not just a lack of motivation, it is an energy thief.

    Invest your life in moments that uplift others and yourself, not in waiting for revenge or karma to come around.

    P. S. At the time of originally posting this in 2019, I was thinking of making the title for my book The Book of Mindfulness. But I eventually decided on Own Your Shit. You can order your copy today from my website at zaidismail.com or on Amazon and Kindle.

  • Ephemeral existence…

    Ephemeral existence…

    Life, more than anything else, is about perspective.

    In moments of struggle, we’re inclined to look back on the many times that we were weighed down in life.

    Sometimes we reminisce about the good times, but from a place of hopelessness believing that we may never experience it again.

    At such times, it feels like life is long and dreary.

    But when we connect with joys from the past, and hope to recreate even greater joys in future, the fleeting nature of life is impressed upon us.

    Our need to focus on the bad experiences is an attempt at protecting our fragile hearts from having to face such heartache or disappointment again.

    Focus on the joys, and suddenly we connect with our ability to smile in the face of trials, and to reconnect with joy even after the gravest disappointment.

    Breathe, beloved…our default state is joy, if only we’ll embrace it more than we hold onto the fear. A joyful life is always still possible as long as there is breath left in our lungs.












  • Exhale. Peace is within reach.

    Exhale. Peace is within reach.

    Wisdom is the re-finding of innocence.

    We’re born innocent, but then life happens.

    Almost imperceptibly, our innocence wanes, and our disappointment in life replaces it.

    Focused on remedying our justified gripes with this world, we lose sight of our innocence that once brought us peace.

    Our life then becomes a struggle to regain that peace, sometimes further contaminating our innocence in that effort.

    Until, one day, quite by chance, we realise that peace lies in reconnecting with our innocence.

    And innocence lies in relinquishing our justified claim for justice or retribution.

    Our path then shifts from striving for peace, and instead, discovering why life happened the way that it did.

    In discovering the why, the disappointment and bitterness recedes, and the space once occupied by innocence becomes available once more.

    Thus, innocence is allowed back in, not because we pursued it, but because we allowed it to return.

    Exhale, beloved. The breath you’ve been holding in, waiting for justice, is better spent exhaling the toxins that cloud your heart.

    Let your heart rise. It knows how. We just need to stop weighing it down with expectations of those whose growth is not aligned with our own.

    Exhale, beloved. A breath of peace awaits you.

  • To be loved…truly

    To be loved…truly

    Three things that make us whole…

    To be seen… Beyond the facade. To have the essence of who we are, known to those we trust and hold dear.

    To be heard… Not only when we cry out, but also when we speak gently of the troubles in our heart.

    To be loved… For more than how we make others feel, but to be loved for what we need in return, without having to claim it.

    In that order, because a voice without an identity is not a voice. It’s only a whisper in the wind.

    A face without a voice is only window dressing, or a trophy. And not a complete being.

    And love… Love without a reciprocal embrace…an embrace of what we hold within, as well as what we willingly give, is an empty love that taints towards bitterness, rather than beauty.

    Love beyond lust or infatuation is rare. True love is never abandoned.

    I see you. I hear you. I love you. Three of the most valuable gifts you could ever give. But, you cannot give what you don’t have. For this reason, you must first see, hear, and love who you are, before you will be able to share it with another.