Cherished to death

When love is a well kept secret, it becomes torturous

When love is embraced, it emits a glow that keeps the darkness of the world at bay

When we withhold our love from fear of it not being enough, we destroy the very object of our affection

Thus, self deprecation cherishes beauty in silence, but leaves to whither and die, the object of its cherishing

It is the doubts we harbour of our adequacy, that undermines our resolve to be beautiful

In our efforts to hide from the world our fear, we lose sight of those who see in us what we don’t see in ourselves

Those same souls who worship our beauty, but are discarded through our fear, are the souls whose hearts we cherish…silently

Our belief that they do not need our embrace as much as we wish they would embrace us, is what leaves them cherished, but discarded

Even the most cherished of hearts, if left without a home, will die of exposure.

Perhaps this is why the good fades from our lives, as we hold on to the bad that we believe is not fair to place as a burden on others…

#hope #expectation #sincerity #love #romance #companionship #soulfood #soulmates #anincompletelovestory #zaidismail #mybeloved #ownyourlife #embracingME #relationshipgoals #dreams #whatdreamsmaycome

To be loved…

Love, without understanding, is mere infatuation.

To love, is to see the strength that created such beauty, not just to admire the beauty.

To love, is to caress the scar with a gentleness that honours the pain that caused it.

To love, is to see the pain that sometimes distorts the beauty, without devaluing the beauty.

To love, is to see, before needing to be seen.

The profession of love, without truly knowing who is being loved, is a profession of need, more than it is an embrace.

It is when our need to be understood by our beloved exceeds our desire to understand them first that love makes a silent exit, and entitlement replaces it.

To truly love, you must first seek to understand, because understanding demands that you pay attention to your beloved, before you feel a need to demand their attention for what you need instead.

Be loved. Be blessed.

#love #romance #companionship #soulfood #soulmates #anincompletelovestory #zaidismail #lovestory #relationshipgoals #infatuation #sincerity #mybeloved

Tears

Tears hold no value if left to dry on their own.

It’s the gentle touch that wipes it away

That fulfils its yearning

Be gentle with yourself, beloved

The world mocks the extraordinary

Because ordinary is safer for meek souls

(a snip of things to come in my new novel, Taqdeer, A Dance With Destiny)

#authorsofinstagram #romance #novelwriting #novel #mybeloved #anincompletelovestory #zaidismail #lovestory #relationshipgoals #companionship #soulfood #soulmates

To be loved…truly

Three things that make us whole…

To be seen… Beyond the facade. To have the essence of who we are, known to those we trust and hold dear.

To be heard… Not only when we cry out, but also when we speak gently of the troubles in our heart.

To be loved… For more than how we make others feel, but to be loved for what we need in return, without having to claim it.

In that order, because a voice without an identity is not a voice. It’s only a whisper in the wind.

A face without a voice is only window dressing, or a trophy. And not a complete being.

And love… Love without a reciprocal embrace…an embrace of what we hold within, as well as what we willingly give, is an empty love that taints towards bitterness, rather than beauty.

Love beyond lust or infatuation is rare. True love is never abandoned.

I see you. I hear you. I love you. Three of the most valuable gifts you could ever give. But, you cannot give what you don’t have. For this reason, you must first see, hear, and love who you are, before you will be able to share it with another.

#love #romance #companionship #soulfood #soulmates #anincompletelovestory #gratitude #appreciation #zaidismail #authenticity #relationshipgoals #joy

Only you

“I’ve been incompatible with anyone else since I met you.”

Sometimes, without warning, someone enters your life and challenges every assumption you ever made about what’s possible.

What you thought you deserved was limited to what you were capable of achieving up to that point, and maybe just a quiet desire to acquire some peace beyond it.

Until they see in you what you thought was your own delusions, and you see in them what you thought were only your dreams.

Once you connect with that truth, nothing can convince you that anything less is what you must settle for.

Settling becomes a vulgar thought, and fulfilment becomes incomplete without them.

When that happens, the distance between love and torture grows, and you find yourself stretched between the two, with only shards of sanity to prevent you from being torn apart.

Those shards will tear at your dreams and taunt your delusions until their embrace is secured.

Until then, life becomes a dyslexic dance with insanity, and love remains elusive.

#hope #expectation #relationshipgoals #companionship #love #affection
#intimacy #life #anincompletelovestory #adancewithdestiny #zaidismail #romance #lovestory #unrequitedlove #soulfood #soulmates

Reverse Osmosis

I’ve witnessed, often, how it is that two people start out being unique characters, but as time passes, they slowly merge into one, just with two bodies. At times this feeds the romantic notions of love where two become one, but at times it symbolises the surrender of one in favour of the other. Neither is bad, as long as it is a willing surrender rather than a surrender of hope.

The debates about what to look for in a partner will forever remain unfinished, but the one thing that stands true regardless of the approach, is that the adoption by one of the other’s mannerisms or preferences is generally a good indicator as to who is the more dominant personality in the relationship. It also indicates who is more smitten with the other.

I once heard that the one who loves less is the one who controls the relationship. At first I thought it was true, but I’m not so sure anymore. The depth of love, if measured on superficial expressions of endearment, will never reflect the impact on the wholesomeness of the relationship itself. Overt acts of commitment cannot be used as a yardstick either because it doesn’t divulge the motivation for such acts. But the point is not about being able to measure it, it’s about the net effect on each person involved in the relationship.

The relationship where both partners are on the same level of emotional maturity, coupled with a similar level of self-esteem is extremely rare. Setting those rare cases aside, I look at the norm and notice a consistent trend. The relationships that last demonstrate a visible level of compromise, while those that don’t are usually considered a failure because of either or both partners being inflexible, or defining a limit of flexibility that they’re not willing to cross. It’s easy to view the inflexible ones as selfish, but that assumes that flexibility is always healthy. It’s not.

Flexibility, like liberalism, can be unhealthy when you get to a point of compromising your core principles in favour of an ideal that you do not subscribe to. The repercussions of standing up for your principles may be so dire that you choose to begrudgingly compromise instead. As long as that compromise is a grudge compromise, it creates a tension that demands compromises in other areas as well. For example, if I were to compromise on something that I feel strongly about, it would automatically taint my interactions in other areas because my rose-coloured spectacles are suddenly opaque and no longer looking as romantic as they once did. The person at the core of the reason for my compromise suddenly symbolises my struggle rather than my happiness. So it stands to reason that any subsequent interactions that flirt with the core principle that I compromised will be strained or terse to avoid the core issue from blowing out of proportion.

Reverse osmosis then sets in. Sometimes slowly, sometimes without you even realising it. In this case, the osmosis is the adoption by the stronger character of the traits of the weaker character in order for that crucial balance to be struck. Without that balance, the fidelity of the relationship falls into question. So the one more committed to the longer term outcomes may find themselves compromising more, while the one more smitten will probably see that as a token of love and assume that they’re on the right track to begin with. Such are the delusions of those that lack self-awareness.

Life is about a set of difficult choices. The more polarised we are in our views relative to those around us, the greater the volume of difficult choices we find ourselves faced with. The less we compromise in our desire to hold on to our individuality, the more isolated we become. Isolation goes against the natural inclination of being human, and it’s in the face of such isolation that we bend and sway towards that that we otherwise would have shunned. That’s when reverse osmosis weakens us, but ironically tends to strengthen the social structure around us. However, a self-defeating social structure gives way to stronger ones. It’s like a cycle that plays out on different scales but with similar principles and outcomes.

Consider the above within the context of the weaker character adopting the traits of the stronger one instead. Consider the social structures that are spawned from such osmosis and the impact that would have when it comes up against the weaker social structures. In that way we find the slow but decisive erosion of one cultural norm in favour of another. Similarly, the alteration of the culture and value system enshrined in a relationship morphs as we give way to needs in our moments of weakness, when the larger-than-life principles that we once stood for are abandoned to maintain the peace.

Maintaining the peace has never been the true objective of such abandonment of ideals and principles. I think the true objective is closer to not having the capacity or the inclination to continue the good fight, because the bigger ideals that we thought we were serving for the greater good appear to be futile when the greater good abandons our efforts to serve it.

[I started out writing this post to articulate my thoughts on how individuals regress in unhealthy relationships, but it seems my train of thought was significantly distracted. Perhaps I’ll attempt such a post at another time. This is therefore another addition to my pile of incomplete thought processes.]