Tag: reflection

  • An overdue brain dump

    An overdue brain dump

    Haste is from Satan, and clemency is from Allah. These words have plagued my thoughts in recent months. The feeling of compulsion to take action because of the frustration of revisited and avoidable contentions becomes difficult to subdue when the desperation for peace and ease scratches inside my chest, threatening to suffocate the enthusiasm out of me.

    Words like cacophony and incessant ring in my ears as if desperately colluding to express the noise that rattles around my being. It’s a bundle of colourful and flowery expressions that offer no relief, but only more clutter. With every expression is a need for reception. If not received meaningfully, it negates any need for expressing it at all.

    Life continues to teach in ways that destroy any traditional norms of imparting wisdom. Those who seek but understand not what is required to acquire, are often dealt the most brutal blows that test their convictions in ways that threaten to unseat their character. This has been me for the longest time.

    The relief from corporate drudgery lasted for some few years before the weightiness returned when the themes showed up in my personal spaces once more. However, my capacity to navigate it was much improved and my opportunity for finding solace in my own quiet spaces is irreplaceable. The decision to leave corporate continues to resonate as a resounding moment of inspired wisdom. The path has not been easy, nor comfortable in any way, but the fruits of such labour have been enormously rewarding beyond even the scope of the entirety of my achievements in corporate.

    It’s hard to imagine how the peak of my 25+ year career doesn’t compare to the most mediocre of achievements in my new journey, when by comparison in material terms, there is none. In material terms, corporate wins every day of the week. But in terms of life, it fails dismally at every turn.

    The imposter in me has triumphed more often than it should, which has left me debilitated and doubting on matters that I have no basis of comparison against which to determine its feasibility or its futility. Perhaps that is what troubles me most about this new path. It is unfamiliar and lacks in substantial support from those around me. I am therefore my own sounding board, my own echo chamber, and my own critic. I’m usually brutal in all regards.

    Nonetheless, receding demands that I fight my nature. That is a fight that I have always lost, so I know better than to even try. Inevitably, I lose the fight and then blaze a path of inspired destruction of everything that I believe needs to be destroyed for me to rise above the drudgery of duty and servitude.

    Duty and servitude is only such when it is out of obligation rather than purpose. Purpose is lost when we focus on fulfilling responsibilities and obligations while claiming our rights. A right claimed is never enjoyed. The contamination of the motivation behind the one who fulfils it through obligation denies me the sweetness of its fulfilment. That, in a nutshell, in a cocoon of complexity, in a little ravage of reality, is the struggle of life itself.

    To be purposeful through mindful subscription is the greatest challenge that we face as humans. We are too easily distracted by what we need, and therefore lost faith and trust in the natural consequence of living purposefully, and with grace. But grace is lost when dignity is traded for social admiration. Thus, we trade our souls for the promise of peace, only to discover that we lost both in the transaction with our demons.

    I sometimes scroll back to old ramblings from more than a decade ago to determine if I have grown or changed, or perhaps lost my way since. Surprisingly, I keep discovering sentiments and observations contained in my writings that serve as a reminder of where I’m at, not knowing whether that is a reflection of the absence of growth, or the confirmation of the distillation of wisdom in those moments that offer a timeless insight into my state of being.

    The day when the merits of my contemplations will be determined is still a distant way off, at least from my current vantage point. But, if I have learnt anything these past five decades and a bit, it is that vantage points change more regularly than the seasons, and with it what seemed unattainable before is soon taken for granted, and what seemed obvious before suddenly appears deeply cryptic. It is therefore foolhardy and somewhat arrogant to assume that any single moment in time is a moment of absolute realisation, absolute connection, or absolute truth.

    As long as I breathe, I evolve. Not as a body, but as a being. And theories of evolution hold absolutely no answers in such evolution.

  • The meandering twists of fate

    The meandering twists of fate

    Betrayal is not always a result of harsh words, lies, or cruel action.

    We’re often so focused on what we’re not getting from others, that we don’t pause to consider what they may not be getting from us either.

    The deepest cuts are those that are inflicted when we trust someone to be there, but they walk away instead.

    It’s when our rock in this world goes silent when we desperately need to hear their comforting voice.

    The searing edge of the blade of betrayal is when we repeatedly make excuses for others failing us, but we’re discarded the moment we have a moment of weakness.

    When there is inaction from those towards whom we look expectantly while recalling the times that they drew on our energy in moments when we barely had enough to sustain our own spirit, we find ourselves holding on, desperately clawing with both hands, to the remnants of the shards of our broken spirit, knowing that only we will be there for us, with the only solace needed being our trust in the One who created us.

    People fail us for the same reasons that we may fail others.

    It doesn’t make it right.

    It doesn’t make it wrong.

    It makes us all flawed humans who sometimes succumb to the demons of the past, while oblivious to the demons we just spawned in another because we were distracted.

    Striking a balance between recognising their humanness, while allowing ourselves to be human, while protecting ourselves from the impact of their demons, while grappling with our own demons is what defines the struggle of life, and the devastating risk of love.

    But we do it anyway, because without it, what would be the point of life?

    reflection

  • A destined misery…or is it?

    A destined misery…or is it?

    Are you sightseeing while wishing that what you see could be your reality?

    Most often, it is our belief in what we deserve that limits us more than what we actually deserve or are capable of achieving.

    In fact, considering what we deserve or don’t deserve is a distraction most likely grounded in self-pity or entitlement, neither of which changes reality.

    Couple that with resigning your fate to destiny and you have a recipe for misery.

    It’s like waiting up all night to witness an amazing sunrise only to give up as the first streaks of dawn appear, followed by convincing ourselves that it was our destiny not to see the sunrise.

    No. Destiny is the sum total of the choices that you make with the opportunities that present themselves to you.

    If you’re too distracted to notice those opportunities, or lack the courage to embrace it, that’s your choice, not destiny.

    The only thing that can reasonably be blamed on destiny is the consequences that affect us of the bad decisions that others make.

    Likewise, they are confronted with the fateful outcomes of our poor decisions, or our inaction to improve things.

    How we respond to that which is out of our control is a reflection of who we are and what we value about life.

    Don’t settle for less and then blame the world for not treating you fairly, or for not allowing you to have the life that you want.

    You only accept or pursue that which you believe you deserve, or that which is safe for you to pursue when you’re distracted by what others think of you.

    That’s why most of us settle for the dawn because we believe that we’re undeserving of the majestic sunrise.

    It always starts with you.

    Not with destiny.

  • Your dignity is yours to claim

    Your dignity is yours to claim

    Did you notice how some people, when faced with soul destroying realities, are still dignified in how they rise above it.

    If you wait for your aggressor or abuser to treat you with dignity before you find reason to respect yourself, you’re doing life back to front.

    Expecting recognition of your humanness from the world is like expecting your tormentor to become your mentor.

    It’s irrational.

    Dignity is not bestowed, it is claimed!

    It is undignified to ask to be treated with dignity because that means that your dignity is dependent on how others treat you.

    It means that it’s dependent on others agreeing that you’re deserving of dignity.

    You either maintain your dignity in the face of them being undignified towards you, or you trade your dignity for inclusion or validation.

    However, be sure that you’re offering what you’re demanding from others.

    Expecting people to treat you with respect and dignity while you treat them harshly or dismissively is hypocrisy, and hypocrisy is the opposite of dignity.

    As always, you cannot give what you don’t have.

    If you lack self-respect, you’re likely to demand respect from others so that you can feel better about yourself, while ignoring the fact that you not only treat others with disrespect, but you also treat yourself the same way.

    If you lack mindfulness of who you are in moments when your patience is tested, you’ll feel compelled to respond the way that you think they deserve, rather than being able to consciously choose who you want to be in that moment.

    It always starts with you.

    mentalhealthrecovery

  • Do you remember you?

    Do you remember you?

    Sometimes, we lose ourselves to the hopelessness of others.

    Sometimes, we lose ourselves to the failed expectations of life.

    And sometimes, we lose ourselves because we thought it was our failings that earned us pain, while oblivious to the fact that it was in fact our success that threatened the ones we loved.

    In these, and so many other scenarios, our perspective is tainted by our belief that what we wish to achieve with others, is what is important to them to achieve with us.

    When this belief proves to be false, we question our self-worth when our best efforts only cause upheaval, and our best intentions are always misconstrued as arrogance or materialism.

    If we don’t stop to see the demons that our significant others are battling, we’ll judge ourselves by how they fail to overcome their demons.

    That’s when our demons strengthen their hold on us.

    Unless we reconnect with who we are, we’ll forever wait for someone else to do right by us before we allow ourselves to find joy in who we are.

    Rediscover who you really are, so that you can shake off the debris that you accumulated through the years with each toxic character that convinced you that you were someone you’re not.

    The risk of coping with failure or betrayal is that our act of coping grows to define who we think we are.

    But that’s when we lose sight of who we were before that moment.

    The only way to move beyond it is to recognise that coping is only needed as long as we’re still holding on to the hurt or the disappointment of what could’ve been, but didn’t happen.

    Let go of it, and the joy that you experienced before that defining moment will return.

    It always starts with you.

  • Reclaim your worth

    Reclaim your worth

    Peace is most ravaged when we convince ourselves that we were treated badly by others, or by someone we trusted, because we weren’t good enough for them.

    A betrayal of trust, no matter how noble the person, reflects cowardice on their part.

    We only betray the trust that others place in us when we feel burdened by that trust, or we avoid accepting the responsibility that it demands of us.

    Either way, it’s a shortcoming on the part of the betrayer, not the betrayed.

    Sometimes we’re so focused on getting even with those who betrayed our trust that we fail to notice how that fixation distracts us from fulfilling the rights of others, which in itself is also a betrayal of trust.

    Understand the internal struggle of those who treated you badly, so that you will realise that they were simply incapable of being better than that in that moment.

    It may not take away the disappointment or the hurt, but that is part of your humanness.

    When that disappointment overwhelms your joy in life and steals your enthusiasm for the future, it’s no longer because of how someone treated you,it’s because of how you see yourself because of how they treated you.

    It’s that easy to give up your power to influence the outcomes and the happiness that you experience in life.

    You do so by believing that how you were treated by troubled souls is a reflection of your worth.

    That’s simply ingratitude for who you are.

    Misplacing your trust in someone is a mistake made from good intentions.

    Discard the mistake after learning from it. Don’t discard the good that inspired that good intention.

    It always starts with you.

  • Judge, as you would like to be judged

    Judge, as you would like to be judged

    When we behave badly, we pacify ourselves by focusing on what we intended, or why it was understandable for us to behave that way.

    When others treat us badly, we’re more inclined to assume that it is a true reflection of how little we mean to them, or how malicious they are.

    The moment we judge someone else’s intentions to be bad without knowing for certain what they intended, we’re projecting our value system on them, and then holding them accountable for it.

    Crazy, right?

    When we assume the worst of someone, it’s because we are assuming what would have driven us to behave that way, and then believing that it must be true for them as well.

    Such assumptions prevent us from reaching understanding because it results in us expecting others to defend what we insist is true about them, rather than giving them the opportunity to explain themselves.

    We judge others as harshly or as kindly as we judge ourselves. That’s assuming that we’re honest with ourselves.

    When we’re dishonest with ourselves, we’ll be inconsistent in how we judge others.

    Those whose favour we want, we’ll judge kindly. While those who cannot serve our needs, we’ll judge harshly.

    That’s how we lose ourselves to our need for validation.

    It always starts with you.

  • Are you really you?

    Are you really you?

    We often speak of not letting go of our inner child. But, I always wonder why does it have to be something we hold within?

    Why can’t we embrace the innocence of our childish charms in everything that we do?

    Or did we take away that permission from ourselves when someone once said, “Act your age!”?

    What does it mean to act your age?

    Who defines what that should look like?

    Why do we want to fit in so badly, that we deny who we are when our playfulness may make some old fart feel uncomfortable about their soured soul?

    Stop waiting for permission to enjoy this fleeting life.

    We wait for permission when we look for a specific reaction before we fully commit.

    Or when we restrain ourselves from doing something because someone said it’s not age-appropriate.

    Worst of all, we wait for permission when we withhold who we are because we are disappointed that we’re not appreciated by those around us.

    That’s when we grow old focusing on the struggles of life, rather than reminiscing about the joys.

    Think back to a joyful moment, and it will feel like time flies.

    But think back to a painful moment, and suddenly life feels too long.

    All because we waited for permission before we embraced who we are. Child and all.