Father : A silent duty

Fathers are often overlooked or forgotten, because they’re seldom in the limelight.

Silently serving in the background, they often do what is seen as just their job, or their duty.

Not wired with an overt nurturing instinct, but rather that of a silent sentinel, ensuring their family’s safety and comfort, they often grow accustomed to being in the background, creating the spaces needed for their family to thrive.

When we expect fathers to behave in a similar way to mothers, we diminish their contribution and their sacrifices.

When we expect fathers to show up like mothers, we under estimate their emotional needs, and ignore their silent pleas for gratitude.

When we expect fathers to experience emotion and sentiment in the same way that mothers do, we assume that they were gifted with the beauty of connecting with a soul growing within them, not realising that they were always on the outside looking in.

There is a bond between mother and child that a father will never experience because of the sanctity of childbirth. Perhaps that is why fathers will always find a different way to express their love for their family compared to mothers.

Honour your father by recognising his struggle and efforts without finding reason to judge him compared to your mother.

And if you find he is falling short anyway, approach him with understanding, believing that the gentleness you wish to experience with him lies beneath that seemingly impenetrable exterior that developed only because he quietly accepted his place as a provider and forgot to nurture his own emotional needs.

And to the fathers who show up despite not knowing how it is done because they didn’t have the loving guide of a mentor in their lives, I especially salute you. Breaking cycles of toxic dysfunction is never easy, and is often excruciatingly lonely.

So if no one else notices you today, I do. With love, appreciation, and respect.

Happy father’s day.

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