Category: Appreciation

  • Be blessed, not entitled

    Be blessed, not entitled

    Appreciation is simply an acknowledgement of what we feel blessed with, while gratitude is reflected in what we claim to appreciate.

    The secret to contentment is found in gratitude.

    But not in an attitude of gratitude.

    It must be more substantial than that.

    Gratitude must be a meaningful connection with what we truly value about ourselves and our lives, and not just appreciation for having more than others.

    Gratitude allows us to focus on what’s good, and realise how much worse things could be.

    It encourages appreciation for what we have instead of envy for what we don’t have.

    Most importantly, it recognises the blessings that most take for granted like good health, free time, youthfulness, good relations, and peace of mind.

    When we lose gratitude for these things, we take it for granted and stop doing what is needed to maintain it.

    That’s when we lose it.

    And if we still don’t recognise our ingratitude at that point, our difficulties become a trial rather than a reminder leading us to believe that we’re cursed or being tested by divine decree.

    Live with gratitude. Always.

  • Are you sure you’re not enough?

    Are you sure you’re not enough?

    I often see people needing to remind themselves that they’re enough.

    Some even print out posters proclaiming “I am enough” and place it on their fridge or at their workplace, or on their mirror.

    Enough for what? For whom? In what? To achieve what?

    We have to convince ourselves that we’re not good enough before anyone can make us feel that way.

    When you focus on whether you’re enough, you lose sight of the fact that you’re literally reducing the entirety of who you are to what you think is enough about you in only one domain of your life.

    That’s usually in our social spaces.

    That’s how we become defined by what we think others think of us, or what we think of ourselves through our self-criticism.

    You are enough of whatever you choose to be, but first you need to see yourself clearly.

    See yourself realistically, not through rose coloured spectacles, or affirmations of things you know is not true but want must be true.

    The problem to solve is not to be enough, it’s to understand what you’re doing that may be counter productive to who you want to be or what you want to achieve.

    Start there. Start by observing the effectiveness of your approach, your effort, your strategy, etc.

    Then do something about those parts that are not as effective as they need to be.

    Now you’re solving the right problems.

    Being enough was always just a distraction.

    Own your life.

  • The path to peace is gratitude

    The path to peace is gratitude

    The path to peace, internal peace, is to see yourself clearly through the muck and the mire of the world around you.

    Peace is found in being true to who you are in the midst of a maddening crowd.

    It’s found in knowing that we can only ever choose how we respond to life, and learn from the effectiveness of those choices each time that we are required to make them.

    Peace is found in being content with what we understand to be the reasons for our poorly informed decisions so that we can learn from it, rather than shackle ourselves to our past because of it.

    Peace is found in not creating fragments of ourselves in different carefully hidden spaces of our shame or our sadness, but seeing it as intricate parts of who we are in our entirety.

    Peace is found in resisting the labels and the judgements as defining attributes of our being, but rather using those as input into informing the paths that we choose to follow in our journey of figuring out how life works.

    Peace is found in building on what holds goodness rather than berating ourselves or others in what resulted from poorly informed decisions.

    When we live life towards honouring the life that we have rather than lamenting the life that we don’t have, we find gratitude.

    And gratitude is the antidote for every illness of the heart, and every ache of the soul.

    Gratitude and accountability are roommates, and anger is the unscrupulous landlord that evicts both.

  • Your intentions are never enough

    Your intentions are never enough

    There is often an unintended entitlement that sets in for those who are trying to make up for the impact of their behaviour on others.

    The entitlement comes through in how we expect our efforts to be received.

    If we apologise, we expect it to be accepted.

    If we comfort, we expect them to feel comforted.

    If we hug them, we expect them to hug us back.

    The one who causes the offence does not get to decide how the offended must forgive or understand.

    Until we connect with this reality, we will continue to downplay the impact that we have on others while believing that they just don’t understand or don’t care about how difficult it is for us.

    When we caused harm, it stops being about us and starts being about those we harmed.

    If we are sincere in our convictions to make right what we did wrong, we won’t feel entitled to our efforts being accepted. Instead, we’ll be focused on being more effective in our efforts to make things right.

    That test of our conviction is what many fail, resulting in the offenders parading as victims and the offended being painted as unreasonable or cruel.

    Check yourself when you apologise or try to make up for something you did wrong.

    If you don’t, you will sour important relationships for all the wrong reasons while blaming them for your actions.

  • Authentic gratitude

    Authentic gratitude

    This is for the ‘attitude of gratitude’ crowd.

    It’s for the ones who believe that gratitude is an act.

    A gesture.

    A token word of appreciation.

    A polite mannerism.

    A show of acknowledgement.

    A gift prompted by an event.

    It’s not.

    Authentic gratitude is what you do and how you show up for those whom you claim to appreciate on those special occasions.

    Gratitude is about valuing what is important to those whom you claim to value.

    It is about what you do with the privilege and favour enabled by those who serve and/or support you.

    Gratitude is a state of being.

    It is a way of life.

    It is a way of living without deliberately trying.

    It is a consequence of the belief in the virtue and the goodness of what benefit you are capable of being to those around you, not because they deserve it but because you’re capable of it.

    Authenticity is rare.

    That’s why most use gestures and expressions of gratitude as a commodity with which to transact for significance.

    Appreciation is not gratitude.

    Gratitude is reflected in what you do with, or about what you claim to appreciate.

    You cannot be truly grateful for others if you take yourself for granted.

  • Why envy is not good for you

    Why envy is not good for you

    The Japanese have a proverb that says that a bitter heart eats its owner.

    Envy or bitterness begins with how you see yourself before you find reason for it in what others have or do.

    When we’re cautioned about the negative effects of these traits, we often focus on the punishment and the harm to others.

    Remember, we cannot give what we don’t have. Therefore, the envious or bitter one is consumed with such thoughts about their inadequacies, but from a position of blaming others for it.

    Whether they have a legitimate gripe or not doesn’t change that reality, nor does it reduce the impact that it has on them and their health.

    Trying to pacify them or trying to excuse them because of their difficult experiences (even in childhood) does nothing to uplift them.

    Nor does it help us if we’re the ones struggling with such feelings of envy or bitterness towards others.

    First, we must be willing to be unpopular before we are able to assist, because not validating someone’s emotional disposition often results in a negative response from that person.

    Nonetheless, being told what we need to hear and not what we want to hear is the beginning of planting the seeds that will eventually grow into self-awareness and understanding.

    You cannot uplift if you protect yourself or others from the truth just to spare them their feelings.

    Similarly, we make it impossible for others to assist or advise us sincerely if we lash out each time we’re not supported in our views about life or about others.

    To grow, you must be willing to be corrected.

    Ideally, such correction should be gentle and reassuring, with empathy and compassion.

    But that doesn’t mean that we should reject it if the tone is not what we want.

    We must be more invested in wanting to learn than in how we want to be taught, otherwise we will go through life blaming others for not treating us the way that we want to be treated.

    It always starts with you.

    #mentalhealth#selfworth#lifecoaching#zaidismail#ownyourlife#mentalhealthawareness#narcissist

  • Gratitude is not an attitude

    Gratitude is not an attitude

    What would life be like if you maximised every resource and every opportunity to which you have access?

    What would the quality of your relationships be if you built on everything that works instead of focusing on what’s not working?

    How would you feel about yourself if you looked at all you’ve overcome instead of being bitter about having had to deal with it all?

    Life is not about an attitude of gratitude, or good habits, because gratitude is not an attitude and habits are formed out of desiring efficiency or convenience.

    Gratitude is an outcome.

    Gratitude is a result of being aware of everything that’s good and right about life, despite there being so many things that could be better, or should be better.

    Gratitude is about understanding what is within our ability to change or influence for the better, and holding ourselves accountable for taking action on that, rather than sitting back and complaining about it.

    Gratitude is not about transacting based on who deserves what. It’s about considering what we wish to enable or what we wish to challenge because of the values by which we strive to live.

    Gratitude, when applied to ourselves, is reflected in how we seek to understand why we are who we are, rather than judging ourselves with shame because of who we’re not.

    Gratitude is reflected in our ability to rise above the anger or bitterness of others, rather than to lose ourselves to it or get drawn into their bitterness because of how they treat us.

    Gratitude is practiced when we approach others with empathy and compassion because we see their struggle with their own demons, instead of judging their inadequacy because we don’t struggle with the same demons.

    Gratitude is not a choice.

    Gratitude is a result of remembering our journey of growth, and owning every step that we took on that journey, both good and bad, while being mindful of the steps that we’re still taking every single day as we work towards our aspirational goals without feeling entitled to having what we strive for.


  • The demon child of ingratitude

    The demon child of ingratitude

    Disrespect only ever becomes an option when we disrespect ourselves.

    We don’t always disrespect ourselves because life is fluid, demanding different things from us at different times.

    In those moments when we are expected to be more than we believe we’re capable of, or when we are corrected for something that we do because we want it without consideration for its consequences on others or ourselves, or when we demand privileges without fulfilling our responsibilities – it is then that we lose our composure and respond in ways that undermine others.

    Disrespect is a form of anger and is a tool to achieve something without earning it.

    Others may experience it as arrogance or narcissistic behaviour, but at the core of it, it’s an insecurity spawned by ingratitude.

    Ingratitude sets in when we focus on everything that we want while diminishing the value of everything that we have.

    It’s at the heart of a vicious cycle that begins with the anger or hurt that we feel about an unfortunate or unpleasant life event, which stirs a rage within us that drives us to want to claim our dues from the world rather than earn it.

    Ingratitude fixates our gaze on risks and threats to our significance, rather than allowing us to focus on the opportunities that present themselves for us to achieve so much more than what we desire.

    Anger is the distraction that justifies disrespect, and disrespect is our perceived tool for justice that distracts us from our ingratitude.

    Few are willing to admit to being ungrateful.

    The rest are too busy justifying their bad behaviour because of how they were treated badly by others, while growing oblivious to how they become just like, if not worse, than those who treated them badly.

    Thus, the vicious cycle of harshness and ingratitude is maintained.

    It always starts with you.

    Do you respect yourself enough to be grateful for who you are and the life that you have?