Tag: kindness

  • You judge others as you judge yourself

    You judge others as you judge yourself

    Judgement is easy.

    Understanding, empathy, compassion…not so easy.

    It only gets easier when we are capable of treating ourselves with kindness.

    But that isn’t as easy as it sounds.

    In fact, many of our efforts at kindness are harmful because we’re distracted from recognising what prompts our deliberate acts of kindness. Towards ourselves, and towards others.

    The moment anything is done deliberately and isn’t a natural consequence of our value system instinctively driving our behaviour, the risk of it being self-serving is very high.

    It’s like doing the right thing because it’s expected of you, rather than because you believe it’s the right thing to do.

    The moment no one expects you to do it, you have no reason to continue doing it.

    The same with empathy, compassion, and understanding.

    If we do it because we would want someone to do it for us if we were in their position, then it’s self-serving.

    When we have no reason to expect anyone to treat us in such gentle ways, we’ll easily stop treating others well as part of our protest against the world that is seemingly treating us badly.

    That’s when judgement becomes easy.

    The more aggressive or blatant we are about how we judge others, the more desperately it reflects our need for our struggle to be appreciated by others.

    You are responsible for your self-worth.

    The moment it is dependent on how others treat you, it’s not self-worth.

    You cannot give what you don’t have.

    That’s why you can only give what you have.

    Your unwarranted judgement of others reveals how harshly you judge yourself.

    Own it. And you may just be able to own your life.

  • Are you in an abusive relationship…with you?

    Are you in an abusive relationship…with you?

    It’s women’s day in South Africa.

    A public holiday dedicated to recognising the value and contribution of women in society.

    My hope for this day is that we find the gentleness and nurturing spirit innate in women, and we give it an opportunity to thrive in our own lives, regardless of gender.

    Don’t be your harshest critic. Be your most sincere one.

    We’re often so focused on how others treat us, that we fail to recognise how badly we treat ourselves.

    Is the tone of your internal conversation one of understanding and growth, or harsh judgement and fear?

    When you have your internal conversation, do you refer to yourself by your name, or do you say ‘You’?

    Recognising these simple points will give you important insights into how you see yourself.

    Remember that we cannot give what we don’t have, so if you treat yourself harshly, chances are very good that you’re treating others harshly as well.

    Always a good time to reflect and correct the path we’re on.

  • Are you grateful for you?

    Are you grateful for you?

    Whenever asked about gratitude, the inevitable response is one that is focused on everything we have around us.

    Sometimes, we consider our health and our skills.

    At other times we recognise the value of things not being as bad as they could have been.

    And we convince ourselves that this is being grateful.

    But how often do we stop to contemplate gratitude for the traits and attributes that we have which makes our appreciation of all of that possible?

    How often do we stop to appreciate the essence of who we are, and the tough and selfless choices that we made under difficult circumstances, when we could easily have taken the selfish or easy way out?

    This is not about judging the choices that we’ve made, but about recognising how we still showed up, with conviction, to do our best to make something good out of a bad situation.

    You cannot nurture that which you don’t acknowledge to be true. So how are you going to nurture the value of who you are, if your gratitude is only focused on what you have?

    Striking a balance between selfishness and gratitude for the self is what makes the difference between being defined by your struggles in life, versus defining the outcomes of the struggles of your life.

    You won’t be able to determine the difference if you lack gratitude for who you are, and what your contribution is towards improving the state of your life, and the lives of those around you.

    The next time you contemplate what you’re grateful for, be sure to include yourself in that moment of reflection.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Be gentle

    Be gentle

    Chances are very good that your harshness or cruelty is directed at the wrong person.

    Unfortunately, you’ll only realise this after the damage is done.

    Cruelty, like anger, is most often expressed to those weaker than us, even though we experience it at the hands of those stronger than us.

    Sadly, it is paid forward more often than gratitude or kindness.

    The need for vengeance to reclaim our power drives us more to action than the perception of weakness that accompanies a gentle spirit.

    Needing vengeance is a sign of a low self esteem because we are more concerned with how others perceive us, than how we perceive ourselves.

    For this reason there are no bad people in this world, only weak ones.

    Don’t be weak.

    Being gentle requires a strength of character that too few have mastered.

    Be gentle.

  • Don’t be your own enemy

    Don’t be your own enemy

    You undermine yourself when you doubt your ability to accomplish something for no reason other than fear.

    When you allow the uninformed opinions of others, or their disrespect to define how you feel about yourself, you undermine yourself.

    When you settle for less because you believe you’re unworthy of better, you undermine yourself.

    Each time you shy away from being who you believe you are capable of being, you undermine yourself.

    If you find yourself doing these things, don’t complain when you feel like you’re being taken for granted.

    You’ve effectively told others that it’s OK because of the way you treat yourself.

    Treat yourself with kindness and commitment before you can expect others to do the same.

  • Be what you need

    Be what you need

    In a world that is demanding attention all the time, it’s easy to get caught up in what we need from others while ignoring what they need from us.

    Our humanness is often celebrated for ourselves, but set aside in our expectations from others.

    We all need sympathy and compassion, but are hesitant to give others the benefit of the doubt when they fall short in giving us what we need from them.

    The same way that we must seek to understand why we sometimes disappoint ourselves or others, we need to afford others the same consideration when they disappoint us.

    We all have our demons that we’re fighting, but we each succumb to different ones.

    Just because we’ve reigned over one of ours doesn’t mean that everyone else should be able to overcome the same demon in their lives.

    The next time you find yourself demanding compassion or understanding from others, pause for a moment to consider why it is that they may seem incapable of being compassionate in that moment.

    They may just be struggling with something themselves and don’t have the capacity to do more than they’re already doing.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Be gentle…to you

    Be gentle…to you

    When you treat the vulnerable or the gentle ones with contempt, you create the same monsters that made you.

    The moment that we realise what we assume to be our nature is in fact a product of our upbringing, we’ll be able to make conscious decisions about who we want to be.

    Sometimes, we place so much emphasis on respecting our emotions that we prevent ourselves from seeking answers as to our emotional response.

    Humanness is not found in being infinitely understanding, but in balancing that understanding with decisive and purposeful action.

    Striking that balance becomes more difficult when raised on a diet of self-doubt and fear.

    That self-doubt and fear drives us towards paying forward what we may have received at the hands of similarly struggling souls.

    Mindfulness about this state is the only chance of breaking that cycle of harshness or pain.

    Be kind to yourself. Begin by seeking to understand what shaped you into who you are, so that you may be able to choose consciously who you want to be.

  • I have learned silence from the talkative, tolerance from the intolerant, and kindness from the unkind. I should not be ungrateful to these teachers.

    Kahlil Gibran