Tag: selfworth

  • It’s not always betrayal

    It’s not always betrayal

    Betrayal is not always a result of harsh words, lies, or cruel action.

    I’ve found that the deepest cuts were always from the silence when words were needed, the restrained sincerity when an embrace was called for, or inaction from those when I looked expectantly towards them while recalling the times they drew on my energy in the moments when I barely had enough to sustain my own spirit.

    And I often wonder how many may look at me and feel the same way.

    We’re often so focused on what we’re not getting from others, that we don’t pause to consider what they may not be getting from us either.

  • The impossible dream

    The impossible dream

    When home is elusive, the world feels ominous.

    A journey to a place you’ve never been holds the promise of peace, despite never having known what peace feels like.

    It’s a cry of the soul, in tones and words that no one seems to understand.

    But you keep crying, and you keep trying, because something deep inside convinces you that there must be more than this.

    If only it was possible to know why this never felt enough, it would be so much easier to figure out why home is still worth searching for.

    The impossible dream that is too important to abandon, but too wholesome to feel worthy of it.

    It truly is a long longing, for something we imagine would finally reach the deep, dark recesses of our being, and offer it the light it has been yearning since our first breath.

    Will the yearning remain even after our last breath?

    Or is hope for fools who dare to dream despite living a recurrent nightmare?

  • Don’t be a martyr

    Don’t be a martyr

    We act out of duty rather than conviction when the guilty martyr in us triumphs over our courage to be true to ourselves, and just to our souls.

    It is our focus on how we wish to be perceived, or how we need to meet expectations, that distracts us from our self-worth and conviction, and redirects us towards compliance aimed at earning inclusion.

    The problem is, when inclusion is claimed at such a price, we inevitably exclude peace and fulfilment from that effort.

    It is that exclusion of peace and fulfilment that leads us to believe that such sacrifices are noble in order to achieve salvation, or validation.

    What we lose sight of is that our unique contribution…our unique beauty that we are able to share with the world is also sacrificed in the process, leaving the world lacking in the very essence of what drives us towards such distractions.

    Choosing your own path does not mean exclusion. It means choosing your rules of engagement with the world around you.

    If everyone conforms to their assumptions of what is expected of them, rather than contributing what they believe to be sincere and true value, who will be the beacons of inspiration for the generations to come when the purpose of such conformance is lost in the rituals that it spawned?

  • Willingly obliged

    Willingly obliged

    This is most true for religious subscription and cultural heritage, but applies to every relationship in our life.

    Choice inspires willingness because a choice is driven by our belief in the benefit of our contribution towards others.

    Obligation inspires contempt because it is most often associated with the threat of a negative repercussion.

    What drives our choices and our sense of obligation therefore must be considered when we find ourselves growing angry at the thought of non-compliance from others, or the expectation of compliance from ourselves by others.

    It is quite possible to choose consciously to serve an obligation. But that choice must be done willingly and not under duress. Duress turns a choice into an unwilling obligation.

    Fear has a limited life span. Therefore, the moment we establish compliance with a lifestyle or behaviour through fear, we must prepare ourselves for the inevitable backlash.

    Live consciously. Love deliberately. And serve without obligation.

    Perhaps, beloved, in that lies the secret to experiencing peace in this lifetime.

  • Last words don’t always matter

    Last words don’t always matter

    Last words are only needed when we still care about what others think.

    Hoping to set the record straight about incorrect assumptions that someone may make of us is most often due to us still caring about their opinion of us.

    Importantly though, their opinion will only matter if they still matter to us.

    And they only matter to us if we still believe that they’re capable of being better than who they are, and we still want to influence them to be that better version of themselves.

    This is one of the roots of expectation in our relationships…often relationships that are no longer serving us well.

    And it’s this expectation or need to be influential in their lives that continues to hold us back when trying to move on from a relationship that isn’t working.

    Your self-worth is not dependent on how you are able to influence others. However, it is a reflection of your worth to them.

    Recognise this critical difference and choose dignity and self-respect before you choose to sacrifice yourself in the hope of inspiring their virtues.

    Maintaining hope that they will one day realise what they need to about themselves, without expecting them to trust your input about their potential, is one of the most effective ways to break the hold of the expectations that keep you invested in a bad relationship.

    Letting go of those expectations creates space within you to allow yourself to express to the world your virtues, rather than holding back while waiting for others to appreciate you first.

  • Every breath is hope

    Every breath is hope

    When we undermine ourselves, we empower our enemies, and like they say, the friend of my enemy is my enemy.

    So it stands to reason that that is how we become our own worst enemies.

    It’s our efforts to subdue our hope in tomorrow, that offers us protection against yet more disappointment or heartache.

    It’s also that same effort that pushes away the very blessings that we need to let go of the pain of a life in which we were never enough.

    The only reason we need to protect ourselves from that disappointment is because we still judge ourselves against the backdrop of a tainted life, and a tortured love.

    Every breath we take is a confirmation that we’re still filled with hope. Every breath is hope.

    So breathe a little deeper than before. Because it was that tainted life that stifled your breath, suffocating your hope, and distorting your vision of what the future holds.

    Breathe a little deeper, beloved. And allow that promise of hope to carry you forward in life, not to return you to what you’ve left behind.

  • A bitter trade

    A bitter trade

    We lose ourselves to the bitterness of this world when we allow the self-loathing of others to define our self-worth.

    In our desire to be understood, we willingly adopt labels that limit our expression of who we truly are.

    It is a betrayal of the contract of kindness that we have with our soul.

    The contract that compels us to treat with gentleness that which we cherish, and to handle with care those who cherish us.

    When we allow the self-loathing that drives the bad behaviour of others to define how we feel about ourselves, we replace our gentleness with their harshness, and our care with their contempt.

    The labels we use to convince ourselves that this bitter trade is warranted include convincing ourselves that we’re alone, that were powerless victims, or that we’re worthless unless our betrayer tastes the cruelty with which they treated us.

    We hope to find significance in karma, believing that if we’re not avenged, then our experience was of no consequence.

    To be of consequence, even to the most despicable, fills that void of self-worth that we created when we betrayed the contract of kindness with our soul.

    Exhale. Release the toxins of a toxic past, so that you may fill your chest with the blessings that await.

  • Be gentle…to you

    Be gentle…to you

    When you treat the vulnerable or the gentle ones with contempt, you create the same monsters that made you.

    The moment that we realise what we assume to be our nature is in fact a product of our upbringing, we’ll be able to make conscious decisions about who we want to be.

    Sometimes, we place so much emphasis on respecting our emotions that we prevent ourselves from seeking answers as to our emotional response.

    Humanness is not found in being infinitely understanding, but in balancing that understanding with decisive and purposeful action.

    Striking that balance becomes more difficult when raised on a diet of self-doubt and fear.

    That self-doubt and fear drives us towards paying forward what we may have received at the hands of similarly struggling souls.

    Mindfulness about this state is the only chance of breaking that cycle of harshness or pain.

    Be kind to yourself. Begin by seeking to understand what shaped you into who you are, so that you may be able to choose consciously who you want to be.