Willingly obliged

This is most true for religious subscription and cultural heritage, but applies to every relationship in our life.

Choice inspires willingness because a choice is driven by our belief in the benefit of our contribution towards others.

Obligation inspires contempt because it is most often associated with the threat of a negative repercussion.

What drives our choices and our sense of obligation therefore must be considered when we find ourselves growing angry at the thought of non-compliance from others, or the expectation of compliance from ourselves by others.

It is quite possible to choose consciously to serve an obligation. But that choice must be done willingly and not under duress. Duress turns a choice into an unwilling obligation.

Fear has a limited life span. Therefore, the moment we establish compliance with a lifestyle or behaviour through fear, we must prepare ourselves for the inevitable backlash.

Live consciously. Love deliberately. And serve without obligation.

Perhaps, beloved, in that lies the secret to experiencing peace in this lifetime.

#hope #expectation #sincerity #optimism #zaidismail #peace #mybeloved #obligation #culture #tradition #religion #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #embracingME

You are more than how you look

Taking pride in the colour of your skin or ethnicity distracts you from your humanity.

Our humanness, our gentleness, our inclination towards kindness – these are all part of our natural state.

It’s our need to be associated with significance or superiority that distracts us from this, and replaces it with the fear of being inadequate.

When we lose sight of the fear, responding from a place of fear becomes our new normal.

Everything that threatens the source of our significance – that is, our skin colour, religion, cultural roots, etc. – then feels like a threat to our sense of self.

Thus, we feel the anger, resentment, or blind rage that rises when we feel undermined because of the colour of our skin, or any other association that makes us feel significant.

In the absence of an awareness of who we are, it is inevitable that our external attributes will be all that feeds our self worth.

#racism #colourism #religion #culture #prejudice #bigotry #socialacceptance #herdmentality #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #zaidismail

The value of values

One of the paths to insanity is to try to reason around someone else’s actions or behaviour by assuming that their value system is the same as yours.

This includes people who come from the same culture, tradition, ethnicity, and even family as you do.

Our value system may be informed by a common framework or point of reference.

But, unless everyone complies 100% with that framework, each interpretation or implementation of those values becomes a unique value system, as unique as each individual.

When we don’t recognise these differences, we insist on compliance rather than understanding in the way each person adopts these values in their lives.

That’s the root of misunderstanding: The assumption that because we have shared values on some key issues, we have shared values on all issues.

Thus, relationships and homes are broken because of our expectations of compliance rather than our efforts towards understanding.

#values #counselling #culture #traditions #familytime #familyvalues #religion #relationshipgoals #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #ownyourshit #embracingME #motivation #zaidismail #authenticity #leadershipcoach

Me and my American wife

Daughter: Daddy, mummy says the sandwiches are about to go into the press
Me: Tell mummy it’s not a press, it’s a toaster
Mummy: …

The difference in terminology between what Americans call things, versus what we say in South Africa is quite amusing at times. My favourite so far has got to be the ‘hot water heater’ term that Americans use when referring to what we call a ‘geyser’. There’s many others, and I suspect that it will be the subject of a post that is entirely focused on exposing the ridiculous use of the Queen’s English by those that appropriated the culture and decided to call it ‘American’.*

*And if you take that seriously, then you’re a dork! (Pre-emptive strike against trolls)

Frustration is that feeling you get when you see idiots waging arguments about issues that are distorted by their anger and inbred prejudices and sincerely wanting to correct them, but knowing that any attempt at reasonable discourse will fall on selectively deaf ears inviting nothing but venomous drivel in return.  

This is all starting to feel too adult for me. I prefer playing with kids. They usually have no hidden agendas, political motives, or underhanded suspicions. If I imitate them, they’re happy, and if they imitate me, I’m happy, and we give and take without keeping score. All adults know is to be territorial as if puberty makes it compulsory for them to mark their territory. These adult games are ridiculous. Adults need to learn from children again, before the current template of adult role models all but eliminates any traces of the innocence of childhood.

CJ