Tag: selfworth

  • Who are you?

    Who are you?

    No matter what you do in life, you are always either a benefit or a burden to those around you.

    Your presence or contribution either uplifts them, or weighs them down.

    If you’re not aware of the impact that you have on others, you’ll unwittingly undermine the very goals that you hope to achieve in life.

    Self awareness is not just about being aware of the self, or accepting who we are. More importantly, it is about understanding why we have become who we are.

    Without that understanding, we can make the most sincere intentions and the bravest efforts in our desire to improve our life and the lives of those important to us, but if we’re unaware of the underlying influences that shape who we are, life often becomes a constant struggle rather than a journey of growth and fulfilment.

    Break the cycle of struggles and build the legacy that you want to leave for those around you. Reach out on WhatsApp at +27836599183 or via my website at zaidismail.com for affordable coaching rates and a customised approach that will change your life.

  • The gratitude paradox

    The gratitude paradox

    Gratitude is a result of appreciating the absence of something.

    That absence doesn’t have to be experienced, it can also be observed.

    All that is needed is an event or incident that inspires the realisation of what life would be like without the value that we obtain from something. Occasionally it’s from someone.

    It is our aversion to the absence of that value in our life that instils a sense of gratitude for its presence.

    Gratitude is one of those things that apart from it being impossible to insert into another’s heart, it also cannot be given if you don’t have it for yourself.

    When one who takes themselves for granted, or undermines their self worth expresses gratitude, it is more an intellectual acknowledgment of the contribution of another, rather than true gratitude.

    This is easily revealed when such benefit is removed. The one with true gratitude will mourn its loss or even try to reclaim it, while the one who lacked that gratitude for themselves will find it easier to accept that it is what it is.

    Giving up on good is more readily practiced by those who don’t believe themselves to be deserving of such good.

    Thus, the absence of gratitude is not to be cursed. Instead, the pain of the soul that lacks it should be considered so that we may offer healing rather than rejection.

  • Understanding vs Judgement

    Understanding vs Judgement

    There are two types of people in this world.

    Those who appreciate our efforts for trying to achieve good things.

    And those who ignore our efforts and judge us for failing.

    The ones who appreciate the effort recognise their own path towards growth, and empathise with the struggle and aspirations of others. This inspires them to uplift and guide gently, although firmly at times.

    The ones who judge others for failing are bitter about not having had such support when they failed on their path of growth, and therefore feel a need to highlight the shortcomings of others so that they may draw attention to their own successes, or their struggles.

    This prompts them to be harsh and uncompromising in their feedback and expectations from others.

    Being aware of which one of these you are can shift the dynamic of your life from one of toxic competition, to one of peaceful perseverance.

    The choice you make will have a profound impact on the quality of your life, and your relationships with those around you.

    Photo credit: Adobe Stock

  • Who defines you?

    Who defines you?

    It’s easy to lose ourselves to the outcomes of our lives.

    It’s easy to convince ourselves that our achievements, rather than our efforts, are a true reflection of the value we hold within.

    It’s a dance with fate that often destroys hope and replaces it with complacency.

    In a world saturated with the ungrateful and the insincere, measuring your worth by the behaviour of others is an exercise in self harm..and simply adds you to the ranks of the ungrateful.

    If resisting your true nature is the root of unhappiness, then knowing your true nature must be the key to joy.

    Therefore, measuring your true worth by the demons of others will lead you away from joy and towards pain, as you convince yourself that how they treated you is all you’re worthy of.

    You were not created to pacify the weak.



  • Judging is easy

    Judging is easy

    Judging each other only becomes easy when we assume that we are above the behaviour that were judging.

    When we receive the benefit of the doubt from others, we assume that we deserve it, rather than it being a result of their generosity of spirit.

    When we’re misunderstood, we may be inclined towards accusing others of misunderstanding us, rather than considering that they had good reason to get it wrong.

    Being defensive or judgemental are two traits that originate from the same source. That is, feeling emotionally vulnerable.

    Judgement demands compliance with a standard that is larger than who we are, and therefore associates us with something that must be respected or revered.

    That’s why it’s easier to judge than it is to understand. Because understanding demands that we set aside such associations and invest of ourselves in assessing the behaviour of others.

    Sometimes, that investment means that we must suspend our focus on our rights in that relationship in order to understand. When we’re afraid of being insignificant, suspending such rights feels like an attack on our self worth.

    The result…anger or bitterness.

    If you need help navigating through such complex relationships in your life, I can help.

    WhatsApp me on +27836599183 or reach out via my website at zaidismail.com.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock


  • Be you…unapologetically

    Be you…unapologetically

    The opinions that others have of us affects us most when we are not convinced about who we are.

    It’s self-doubt that creates the space for others to influence how we feel about ourselves.

    Be it a troubled relationship with a family member, a partner, an ex spouse, or even a friend or colleague, the moment their words about us weighs more than what we think of ourselves, we need to recognise that we needed validation more than we needed companionship or a healthy relationship with them.

    Our disappointment in them when they behave badly should not extend to disappointment in ourselves.

    The moment we judge ourselves harshly after they’ve treated us badly, we’re diminishing our self-worth by believing that we’re not even good enough for someone who has questionable values.

    That’s how we lose ourselves to the lack of self-respect in others, or in ourselves.

    If you find yourself questioning your self-worth or struggling to connect with who you are in the face of the struggles of your life, reach out via WhatsApp on +27836599183 or via my website at zaidismail.com for affordable coaching rates that could be the fresh start that you need in life.

    Serving clients internationally.



  • Respectfully dishonest

    Respectfully dishonest

    This is especially true for our relationships with ourselves, more than it reflects on our relationships with others.

    We disrespect ourselves when we avoid truths that feel shameful or disappointing about who we are.

    That shame or disappointment that we feel is because we’re looking at ourselves through other people’s eyes, or at least what we think they would think of us if they knew what we’re hiding within.

    We respect ourselves when we focus on understanding rather than judging why we’re not being true to the standard that we want to live up to.

    But that standard must be our own aspiration, and not a standard defined by society or anyone else.

    Someone else may suggest or advise on what is worth pursuing, but we must adopt that as our own aspiration, with conviction, or else we’ll again judge ourselves to be a success or a failure when we exert ourselves towards achieving that goal.

    If you’re dishonest with yourself or with others, then respect is no longer part of that interaction.

    Take time to reflect and recalibrate your efforts, and leave the judgement to those who will judge regardless of your best efforts towards them.

  • Reconnect with your innate wisdom

    Reconnect with your innate wisdom

    We all have an innate wisdom that we lose sight of as the distractions of life accumulate.

    When we go out in search of answers and adopt methods that worked for someone else, we further distance ourselves from that innate wisdom.

    This distancing that occurs undermines our authenticity, and leaves us feeling at odds with life rather than comforting us.

    To reconnect with that peace that feels so elusive, we must reconnect with that innate wisdom, or else life will continue to feel like a detached experience.

    It is only in sincere conversation that truths are encountered and wisdom adopted.

    For this reason, I am not hers to teach you anything new. My sole purpose is to reconnect you with the wisdom that you already have within you.

    Reach out at zaidismail.com or WhatsApp on +27836599183.

    If you prefer, email me at info@zaidismail.com