Tag: selflove

  • The beauty of perfection

    The beauty of perfection

    The beauty of perfection escapes the bitter heart.

    Bitterness is the toxin that we hold on to after we experience a betrayal of our trust in another.

    Sometimes that trust is so dear, that we hold on to the poison of its mishandling to protect ourselves from ever being vulnerable to such hurt again.

    Sadly, in doing so, we also deny ourselves the opportunity to experience the beauty that may be the remedy to heal the wound of that unkind betrayal.

    Thus, we anchor ourself in the same past that we wish we could forget, or undo.

    Inevitably, the ones who offer the beauty that we need to breathe fully again are the ones who receive the caustic treatment intended to protect us from such future pain.

    Without realising it, we pay the pain forward, and become part of the cycle that stole our innocence by destroying the innocence of another.

    Break the cycle, beautiful soul. Break the cycle. It will raise your station above the toxic one so that you won’t find yourself looking at the world from their vantage point any longer.

  • Be exceptional

    Be exceptional

    If we focus on the exception, we’ll realise what is possible.

    If we focus on the norm, we’ll surrender to what we think is inevitable.

    This is at the heart of mediocrity versus excellence.

    There are those that look at trends and try to follow, and those that focus on value and pursue a better path. Wanting to lead doesn’t drive their agenda.

    Leadership is a natural consequence of acting with conviction in wanting to realise the value that you believe will benefit others.

    Stop being distracted by the norms you see around you so that you’ll be able to recognise the potential beyond it.



  • Expecting hope

    Expecting hope

    Expectations are simply hopes with a sense of entitlement.

    The reason for our entitlement to the fulfilment of our hopes are many. Most often, they’re based on what we contributed towards others.

    Sometimes we want that contribution reciprocated because we don’t want to allow others to treat us unfairly, or to take us for granted.

    But sometimes, we hold on to that entitlement because we want the treasures of who we are to be handled with love and gentleness by a specific other.

    Both are based on the hope of what the outcome offers us in happiness and fulfilment. Or even just in achieving a sense of significance.

    Unfortunately, if expectations are not mutually honoured, it becomes a burden for one, and a prison for the other.

    The good news is, both are choices. The burden and the prison. But they weigh us down until we recognise that they’re choices.

    More importantly, until we are willing to let go of the choice to hold on after we’ve exhausted all efforts to achieve its fulfilment, it will continue to feel like a burden or a prison that is imposed, and not one that is chosen.

    Choose wisely…choose consciously.

  • The delusion of life

    The delusion of life

    A life without introspection is nothing but a delusion.

    Assuming that you know yourself without truly knowing yourself leads to many regrets because of poorly informed decisions.

    Introspection allows us to learn from the lessons of the past by revealing our contribution towards its outcomes.

    Mindfulness allows us to apply those lessons in the present moment.

    Ignoring both leads us towards believing that we’re entitled to being treated well simply because we are well intentioned, while ignoring the impact of our actions on those around us.

    Stop to reflect, so that your reflection may keep you true to the path that you wish your life to take.

  • Who says you’re not enough?

    Who says you’re not enough?

    If you need to remind yourself that you’re enough, you convinced yourself that you weren’t enough.

    No one can do that to you without your agreement or consent.

    Reminders, or affirmations have their place in getting us back on track when we become distracted from the truth of who we are.

    The moment we need to do either beyond a moment in time, it means that we stopped believing what was once a truth, and now need to find reason to convince ourselves that we’re capable of being that way again.

    While there may be truth in that thought process, it also means that we’ve yet to believe that we are what we think we could be, and we therefore convince ourselves that it’s not true in the present moment, but may be true at some future point.

    Again, this way of thinking simply reinforces the belief that we’re not who we want to be.

    The question therefore is, by whose standard are we judging ourselves when we see ourselves as being less than who we think we are?

    If we were judging ourselves by our own standard, our reflections would be an assessment of our growth, rather than a need to convince ourselves that we’re something or someone that we’re not.

  • Don’t be the victim oppressor

    Don’t be the victim oppressor

    Every decision we take has an impact on us, and on those around us.

    If we only consider one side of that equation, we’ll either become victims by denying ourselves of what we need in favour of pleasing everyone else, or we’ll become oppressors by pleasing ourselves and denying the rights of everyone else.

    Finding a balance between the two brings us closer to experiencing joy in our lives.

    When we find that we deny ourselves of what we need, it’s because we’re waiting for someone else to convince us that we’re worth it.

    When we deny others what they need from us, we’re convinced that they don’t deserve us.

    Both mindsets lead to an emptiness that is hard to understand.

    Fulfilment and joy in life is found in striking a healthy balance between the two.

    If you’re struggling to find that balance, check out my books, or connect with me for affordable life coaching sessions.

    Video sessions available to wherever you are in the world.

    More details on my website at zaidismail.com

  • The forgotten village idiot

    The forgotten village idiot

    This essay has been playing on my mind a lot lately.

    Covid-19 has revealed the true nature of many, which only served to reinforce this notion.

    Who puts a smile on the face of the village idiot?

    The saddest part of this essay is that most who read the title thought it to be humorous.

    From my book The Egosystem, it explores our relationship with those who give selflessly, while being forgotten.

    This pandemic has highlighted the forgotten and the taken-for-granted, and it has diminished further the roles of others who are not deemed essential through need, but who maintain the wellbeing and spirit of others through quiet contribution.

    I’ve always considered what this world would feel like if we didn’t label the purpose or the need that we have of others, and instead we were compelled to choose very deliberately each time what it is that we value about another before we are able to obtain benefit from them.

    Would that be the cure for the pandemic of consumerism? Would it finally rid us of our inclination to see people as a means to an end?

    Or is even that an ideal so far fetched that only the most naive would buy into it?

  • You give what you have

    You give what you have

    I’ve had many interesting discussions with my kids about this topic recently. If they are dishonest about something, I make them aware of the fact that they will only find reason to be honest with others if they find it unacceptable to be dishonest with themselves. What we tolerate by ourselves towards ourselves is what we are capable of offering to others. Nothing more. Nothing less. The day you realise this is the day you’ll see the fears and weaknesses that drives others to behave badly towards you. It was never about you. It’s always about reflecting who they are. You were just the outlet that they felt safe enough to vent on.

    You cannot give what you don’t have. If you lack self respect, you won’t be able to respect others. If you don’t appreciate what you have, you won’t express gratitude towards others. If you consistently feed yourself untruths about yourself or your behaviour, you will not trust the sincerity of others. And so it continues. The way we see ourselves is what informs our behaviour and interactions with the world. The more threatened we feel, the more aggressive we will be. So, the next time you see someone behaving badly, don’t judge them harshly, understand what they’re saying about how they value themselves, or how valued they feel by others. Judgement is a reflection of who we are, while understanding is a reflection of the purpose we wish to serve.