Category: Appreciation

  • Gratitude is not the first step

    Gratitude is not the first step

    Gratitude is all that matters, because gratitude is not possible without everything that matters coming before it.

    Gratitude escapes us when we don’t respect the effort needed to achieve anything worth achieving.

    It escapes us when we assume that we’re entitled to an outcome, without considering our contribution that is needed towards that outcome.

    It escapes us when we take for granted what we have, because we’re always focused on what we don’t have.

    To appreciate the effort, the struggle, or the commitment needed to create anything of value, we need to first recognise the sacrifice, the hard work, the consistency, and the commitment needed to develop the skills to gather the resources needed to achieve it.

    For this reason, we all have something that we give to others for which they should be grateful, but sadly, we cannot insert gratitude into their hearts for it.

    We can only contribute the best of who we are, and appreciate why we may not always be appreciated.

    We cannot give what we don’t have. The ungrateful one lacks gratitude for who they are and what they have.

    Expecting gratitude from such a being is therefore foolhardy, no matter how significant they may be in your life.

  • Empathise

    Empathise

    Empathy is expressed when we desire for others what we wish to have for ourselves.

    Sometimes, it’s something we have, and we hope that others will be able to enjoy the same value and benefit that we enjoy from it.

    Sometimes, it’s what we don’t have, yet we hope that we may be able to contribute towards others having it, despite having no reason to believe that we’ll be able to experience it ourselves.

    Empathy is founded in our desire to alleviate our struggles that we see in someone else’s life.

    That struggle could be something we currently experience, or something that we have experienced before.

    It is core to our humanness, and only gets tainted when we respond with bitterness, hoping to see others suffer or struggle in the same way as we may have. Either at their hands, or at the hands of those whom they represent in our life.

    Empathy is the difference between peaceful acceptance, and bitter vengeance.

    Like that old proverb says, a bitter heart eats its owner.

    Protect your heart from the bitterness of this world by practicing empathy instead.

  • Tomorrow is not promised

    Tomorrow is not promised

    Too often we remind others that tomorrow is not guaranteed, yet we live our lives as if we have all the time in the world to make that next big decision, or to do right by others.

    If tomorrow is not guaranteed, neither is your next breath.

    When our thoughts about life remain philosophy, and our reality remains detached, we create a tension within our soul that only we can remedy.

    We live life either looking for what is possible, or we live it by looking for why everything is a struggle.

    Whichever of the two you seek, you will find.

    Mindfulness will offer you the opportunity to take the best of the present, so that the yoke of the past won’t weigh you down with worry for the future.

    You owe it to yourself and to those who look to you for inspiration. But if you’re not living in the present moment, you won’t notice them either.

  • Expecting hope

    Expecting hope

    Expectations are simply hopes with a sense of entitlement.

    The reason for our entitlement to the fulfilment of our hopes are many. Most often, they’re based on what we contributed towards others.

    Sometimes we want that contribution reciprocated because we don’t want to allow others to treat us unfairly, or to take us for granted.

    But sometimes, we hold on to that entitlement because we want the treasures of who we are to be handled with love and gentleness by a specific other.

    Both are based on the hope of what the outcome offers us in happiness and fulfilment. Or even just in achieving a sense of significance.

    Unfortunately, if expectations are not mutually honoured, it becomes a burden for one, and a prison for the other.

    The good news is, both are choices. The burden and the prison. But they weigh us down until we recognise that they’re choices.

    More importantly, until we are willing to let go of the choice to hold on after we’ve exhausted all efforts to achieve its fulfilment, it will continue to feel like a burden or a prison that is imposed, and not one that is chosen.

    Choose wisely…choose consciously.

  • For all you unconventional moms

    For all you unconventional moms

  • Embrace your greatness

    Embrace your greatness

    There is greatness in all of us.

    Problem is, if we don’t get recognition from others about our greatness, we assume the greatness is not so great, instead of realising that they’re too distracted to notice.

    That’s when we give up on that greatness and instead embrace something trivial that will attract their attention.

    Then, when we get their attention, we assume we’ve achieved something great when in fact we just did something that is momentarily popular.

    And that’s how we fail to change the world.

    We grow old feeling like we were cheated out of greatness, but forget that we traded our greatness for acceptance and validation.

    Be greater than that. You’ve got it in you to do it.

    Photo credit: Naadirah Ismail

  • Don’t be the victim oppressor

    Don’t be the victim oppressor

    Every decision we take has an impact on us, and on those around us.

    If we only consider one side of that equation, we’ll either become victims by denying ourselves of what we need in favour of pleasing everyone else, or we’ll become oppressors by pleasing ourselves and denying the rights of everyone else.

    Finding a balance between the two brings us closer to experiencing joy in our lives.

    When we find that we deny ourselves of what we need, it’s because we’re waiting for someone else to convince us that we’re worth it.

    When we deny others what they need from us, we’re convinced that they don’t deserve us.

    Both mindsets lead to an emptiness that is hard to understand.

    Fulfilment and joy in life is found in striking a healthy balance between the two.

    If you’re struggling to find that balance, check out my books, or connect with me for affordable life coaching sessions.

    Video sessions available to wherever you are in the world.

    More details on my website at zaidismail.com

  • The forgotten village idiot

    The forgotten village idiot

    This essay has been playing on my mind a lot lately.

    Covid-19 has revealed the true nature of many, which only served to reinforce this notion.

    Who puts a smile on the face of the village idiot?

    The saddest part of this essay is that most who read the title thought it to be humorous.

    From my book The Egosystem, it explores our relationship with those who give selflessly, while being forgotten.

    This pandemic has highlighted the forgotten and the taken-for-granted, and it has diminished further the roles of others who are not deemed essential through need, but who maintain the wellbeing and spirit of others through quiet contribution.

    I’ve always considered what this world would feel like if we didn’t label the purpose or the need that we have of others, and instead we were compelled to choose very deliberately each time what it is that we value about another before we are able to obtain benefit from them.

    Would that be the cure for the pandemic of consumerism? Would it finally rid us of our inclination to see people as a means to an end?

    Or is even that an ideal so far fetched that only the most naive would buy into it?