Category: Appreciation

  • It’s not always betrayal

    It’s not always betrayal

    Betrayal is not always a result of harsh words, lies, or cruel action.

    I’ve found that the deepest cuts were always from the silence when words were needed, the restrained sincerity when an embrace was called for, or inaction from those when I looked expectantly towards them while recalling the times they drew on my energy in the moments when I barely had enough to sustain my own spirit.

    And I often wonder how many may look at me and feel the same way.

    We’re often so focused on what we’re not getting from others, that we don’t pause to consider what they may not be getting from us either.

  • In celebration of women

    In celebration of women

    On this Women’s Day, here’s a message to the men out there.

    If you have that special someone to share this day with, consider yourself blessed. Women don’t love selflessly unless they commit fully.

    If their passion scares you, don’t grow defensive or feel threatened. Draw strength from them. They see in you what you don’t see in yourself.

    They see you beyond the failures of your past, or your feelings of inadequacy in your role as a father, brother, son, or husband.

    When they inspire you to be more than you are, it’s not because they think you’re not good enough. It’s because they believe that you’re worth so much more. And they want you to be all you can be.

    It’s not weakness to show your heart to her. Weakness is found in protecting yourself from being discovered because you are afraid of not being good enough.

    When you protect yourself from rejection, you deny yourself growth. When you deny yourself growth, you deny yourself the fulfilment of embracing the very love and companionship that you desire in life.

    A woman is driven innately to nurture, and nurturing automatically inspires growth. So perhaps the tension between you and your partner is because she sees how much more you can be together, and you’re afraid to embrace that reality from fear of not being able to make the cut.

    I know of men that would kill a bull to be in your position. And if you find it difficult to understand her, try to understand the men she had in her life before you. Including her father, or other male figures. The ones who treated her badly, or denied her a voice.

    The sad reality is that there are a few good men who have to bear the burden of the many who have lost themselves to the ego of society.

    I hope you choose to be part of the few. If you choose this, you will have the best of what this world has to offer by way of companionship and fulfilment of purpose.

    To love, without restraint, and to be loved in return, is the greatest gift. Don’t deny yourself this gift by protecting yourself from a weakness that only you believe in.

    And to the women, don’t stop believing in yourself. But recognise that when you judge a man by the standard of those who came before him, you have yet to fully heal from the harshness of your past. Don’t make a good man bad by holding him accountable for something that he had no part in.

    And men…don’t make a good woman bad by expecting her to make up for the gentleness and compassion that you were denied by those who came before her. Including your parents.

    Cherish each other…and gaze upon each other in the same way that you want to be seen. Anything less is an injustice to your soul, and to the beauty that is waiting to bloom between you and your partner.

    Have a blessed Women’s Day.

    Zaid Ismail
    Author | Life Coach

    #womensday2020

    https://youtu.be/ZYRfUoR9Q4Y

  • Willingly obliged

    Willingly obliged

    This is most true for religious subscription and cultural heritage, but applies to every relationship in our life.

    Choice inspires willingness because a choice is driven by our belief in the benefit of our contribution towards others.

    Obligation inspires contempt because it is most often associated with the threat of a negative repercussion.

    What drives our choices and our sense of obligation therefore must be considered when we find ourselves growing angry at the thought of non-compliance from others, or the expectation of compliance from ourselves by others.

    It is quite possible to choose consciously to serve an obligation. But that choice must be done willingly and not under duress. Duress turns a choice into an unwilling obligation.

    Fear has a limited life span. Therefore, the moment we establish compliance with a lifestyle or behaviour through fear, we must prepare ourselves for the inevitable backlash.

    Live consciously. Love deliberately. And serve without obligation.

    Perhaps, beloved, in that lies the secret to experiencing peace in this lifetime.

  • Forever hopeful

    Forever hopeful

    Hope is born in moments when you have no reason to believe in the moment that is to follow, but something good unexpectedly lands in your lap.

    It’s born when that unexpected call changes your life for the better.

    It’s born when that stranger smiled an understanding smile in that moment that you thought the world was oblivious to your presence.

    It’s born when you wake in the morning and discover that despite your worst premonitions, you have a good day.

    Hope can be torturous when the events of your life have given you little reason to believe that the good that you experience will last for more than a fleeting moment.

    But, knowing that it’s possible for it to last beyond that brief period of joy is what makes it impossible to ignore the hope that bubbles beneath the surface.

    Hope is faith. And faith is hope.

    Both are intricately woven into the fabric of our struggles.

    When we focus on our struggles only, we lose sight of all those moments that planted the seeds of hope in our hearts so many lifetimes before the present moment.

    In forgetting, we burden ourselves with more than the burdens of life. We burden ourselves with the burden of ingratitude as well.

    Focus on hope, and faith will have your back.

  • Last words don’t always matter

    Last words don’t always matter

    Last words are only needed when we still care about what others think.

    Hoping to set the record straight about incorrect assumptions that someone may make of us is most often due to us still caring about their opinion of us.

    Importantly though, their opinion will only matter if they still matter to us.

    And they only matter to us if we still believe that they’re capable of being better than who they are, and we still want to influence them to be that better version of themselves.

    This is one of the roots of expectation in our relationships…often relationships that are no longer serving us well.

    And it’s this expectation or need to be influential in their lives that continues to hold us back when trying to move on from a relationship that isn’t working.

    Your self-worth is not dependent on how you are able to influence others. However, it is a reflection of your worth to them.

    Recognise this critical difference and choose dignity and self-respect before you choose to sacrifice yourself in the hope of inspiring their virtues.

    Maintaining hope that they will one day realise what they need to about themselves, without expecting them to trust your input about their potential, is one of the most effective ways to break the hold of the expectations that keep you invested in a bad relationship.

    Letting go of those expectations creates space within you to allow yourself to express to the world your virtues, rather than holding back while waiting for others to appreciate you first.

  • A bitter trade

    A bitter trade

    We lose ourselves to the bitterness of this world when we allow the self-loathing of others to define our self-worth.

    In our desire to be understood, we willingly adopt labels that limit our expression of who we truly are.

    It is a betrayal of the contract of kindness that we have with our soul.

    The contract that compels us to treat with gentleness that which we cherish, and to handle with care those who cherish us.

    When we allow the self-loathing that drives the bad behaviour of others to define how we feel about ourselves, we replace our gentleness with their harshness, and our care with their contempt.

    The labels we use to convince ourselves that this bitter trade is warranted include convincing ourselves that we’re alone, that were powerless victims, or that we’re worthless unless our betrayer tastes the cruelty with which they treated us.

    We hope to find significance in karma, believing that if we’re not avenged, then our experience was of no consequence.

    To be of consequence, even to the most despicable, fills that void of self-worth that we created when we betrayed the contract of kindness with our soul.

    Exhale. Release the toxins of a toxic past, so that you may fill your chest with the blessings that await.

  • Be gentle…to you

    Be gentle…to you

    When you treat the vulnerable or the gentle ones with contempt, you create the same monsters that made you.

    The moment that we realise what we assume to be our nature is in fact a product of our upbringing, we’ll be able to make conscious decisions about who we want to be.

    Sometimes, we place so much emphasis on respecting our emotions that we prevent ourselves from seeking answers as to our emotional response.

    Humanness is not found in being infinitely understanding, but in balancing that understanding with decisive and purposeful action.

    Striking that balance becomes more difficult when raised on a diet of self-doubt and fear.

    That self-doubt and fear drives us towards paying forward what we may have received at the hands of similarly struggling souls.

    Mindfulness about this state is the only chance of breaking that cycle of harshness or pain.

    Be kind to yourself. Begin by seeking to understand what shaped you into who you are, so that you may be able to choose consciously who you want to be.

  • Gratitude before regret

    Gratitude before regret

    It’s impossible to be grateful for a blessing that you don’t acknowledge.

    Like believing that we’re entitled to certain outcomes because of our effort or contribution.

    Or believing that we’re entitled to be treated a certain way because we believe we’re a good person.

    Whether those entitlements are true is not the issue.

    The issue is that we are less likely to treat with due care and appreciation those things that we believe we are entitled to have in our lives.

    Anything that is neglected in care or attention withers and eventually dies.

    That’s how relationships deteriorate, and how our quality of life diminishes when we’re not paying attention.

    Our absence of gratitude is therefore most often acknowledged only after the regret of the loss sets in.

    Be mindful of what you have before you no longer have it.