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Contaminating the self
Self-worth is contaminated when we try to define it by the way we think others perceive us. Whether their perception is correct or not is irrelevant. The fact that their perception has more sway over our self-worth than our perception of ourselves is what determines the difference between a healthy self esteem, and an unhealthy…
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Sabotaging destiny
There are so many memes encouraging gut feelings and instincts to drive or decisions about how to treat others. I wish there would be more making us aware of what creates that feeling in our gut to begin with. The emotion most commonly experienced as a physical sensation is that of fear. And fear, more…
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Choose better
We choose what we take from life. Understanding those choices is therefore key to finding peace, or joy. Our choices, even though sometimes painful, are always based on good intentions in that moment of choosing. But, when that good intention is driven by a need to establish our significance rather than connect with the value…
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Don’t look the other way
Those who oppress others are often the first to draw attention to the weakness or inadequacy of those that they oppress. They do this to pacify their conscience so that they can avoid the guilt of treating others poorly. The reason why judgement works well in such cases, for both the abuser and the abused,…
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Don’t choose the hard way
The original Afrikaans saying for this is somewhat more impactful. ‘Die wat nie will hoor nie, moet voel.’ Translated, that means that if you don’t want to listen, then you’ll feel the pain. While it may have been regularly used as a taunt by teachers and parents towards misbehaving kids, it is totally apt for…
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Enabling our oppressors
We only give others permission to disrespect us when we disrespect ourselves first. Disrespect of the self takes many shapes and forms including compromising our values for personal gain, accepting abuse from fear of abandonment, restraining our contribution from fear of rejection, and more. When treating ourselves with disrespect becomes the norm, accepting disrespect becomes…
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Know your place
The value of knowing your place is underrated. So many impose themselves in the hope of acceptance, only to question the sincerity of the company they keep when they eventually earn that acceptance. Sometimes, we only discover our place after having invested in relationships that were never intent on embracing us the way we embraced…
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Why wait?
The most common distraction that prevents us from reaching our goals is waiting for others to take responsibility for our wounds. I’m not saying that they may not be responsible for the betrayal or the hurtful way in which they treated us. No. What I’m saying is that waiting for them to own their contribution…