Tag: raisingadults

  • The courage to parent properly

    The courage to parent properly

    The courage that is needed, is the courage to seek sincere, informed advisors to help us to understand why we may be struggling to connect with our children.

    We don’t know what we don’t know.

    If we try to figure life out by ourselves, we’ll only ever learn the hard way, from our own mistakes.

    While some may think that to be a fun or rewarding approach, we need to stop to consider how those mistakes negatively affect those around us.

    Making mistakes is inevitable, but making avoidable mistakes is irresponsible.

    Insecurity as a parent shows up when we see every act of non-compliance as an act of blatant defiance.

    When we’re insecure about who we are, that becomes the lens through which we interpret the motives behind the actions of those around us.

    But we don’t see that lens, because we’re distracted by needing to establish our authority or our significance, because we think that’s how we need to instil respect and good manners by not letting ‘them’ take advantage of us.

    The moment this is your mindset, understand that you’re insecure about your position or your role, and your reaction to that will cause more harm than good, despite your best intentions.

    Give yourself a break, and give your children a chance.

    Learn from the mistakes that raised you to be insecure, by reflecting on why those who raised you couldn’t have known better.

    And do your part to reduce the reasons your children will have to reflect on such matters that negatively affect their sense of self.

    [this is an incomplete thought process, but worth sharing]

  • Allow your children to be their own person

    Allow your children to be their own person

    We always have good intentions when we strive to give our children everything that we didn’t have.

    Often, this includes protecting them from the hardships or difficulties that we experienced.

    Unfortunately, when we do this, we end up protecting them from reality, and in the process, we deny them the very life lessons that taught us to appreciate what we have.

    This is one of the most common reasons for kids growing up to be timid, entitled, or disrespectful…or all of the above.

    Hardships and difficulties are character building experiences.

    Find a way that strikes a balance between allowing them to experience it, and providing guidance and support as they navigate their way through it.

    Too many assume that hardship is a denial of a good life.

    It’s not.

    Allow them to earn their privileges so that they’ll experience gratitude and fulfilment when they achieve it.

    Lastly, when you shy away from something that weighs you down, or you try to hide it from them, you’re teaching them to feel ashamed of getting things wrong, or failing at achieving goals.

    That’s how we raise them with a value system that conflicts with the kind of humans that we want them to be.

    Be mindful of your rule as a parent, but more than this, be mindful of your contribution as a human being.

    It always starts with you.