Tag: authenticity

  • Gratitude is not the first step

    Gratitude is not the first step

    Gratitude is all that matters, because gratitude is not possible without everything that matters coming before it.

    Gratitude escapes us when we don’t respect the effort needed to achieve anything worth achieving.

    It escapes us when we assume that we’re entitled to an outcome, without considering our contribution that is needed towards that outcome.

    It escapes us when we take for granted what we have, because we’re always focused on what we don’t have.

    To appreciate the effort, the struggle, or the commitment needed to create anything of value, we need to first recognise the sacrifice, the hard work, the consistency, and the commitment needed to develop the skills to gather the resources needed to achieve it.

    For this reason, we all have something that we give to others for which they should be grateful, but sadly, we cannot insert gratitude into their hearts for it.

    We can only contribute the best of who we are, and appreciate why we may not always be appreciated.

    We cannot give what we don’t have. The ungrateful one lacks gratitude for who they are and what they have.

    Expecting gratitude from such a being is therefore foolhardy, no matter how significant they may be in your life.

  • Invest purposefully in your life

    Invest purposefully in your life

    Invest in creating the life that you want, rather than escaping the life that you don’t want.

    It might sound obvious, but take a breather and consider what drives your choices.

    Are you driven by the need to avoid unpleasant encounters in your life?

    Or are you driven by the need to create encounters that connect with your soul?

    The difference has a profound effect on your sense of peace and well being.

    Things only thrive if we nurture it. Nurturing is not always an act of kindness.

    Sometimes, nurturing is feeding a toxic cycle without realising it, or validating untoward behaviour by actively engaging with it.

    Emotional mindfulness connects you with the present moment so that you may make more informed investments about the outcomes of your life.

    *Connect with me to find out how I can help you to achieve this. Video sessions available at very reasonable rates.

  • The understanding seeker

    The understanding seeker

    Seek to understand, so that you may be able to accept the events of your life with peace, rather than feeling compelled to let go with bitterness.

    It’s the inclination to want to be heard that denies us peace when we’re not heard.

    Or to want to be acknowledged when we are dismissed.

    Rather than fight to be heard, or to be acknowledged, choose your battles.

    Be sure that what you’re fighting for is what you want to have in your life, and not just because you refuse to go quietly.

    When you find it impossible to get through, to make your point, or to establish reason, it’s a sign that you need to pause and understand better what it is that you’re dealing with.

    When you pause to understand, you’ll allow yourself a chance to decide if the fight is worth it, and if it is, you’ll create space for yourself to recognise a better way to achieve your objective.

    Like the prophetic advice teaches us, don’t get angry. The moment you find your anger rising, it’s a sign that you need to step back, and seek to understand better, before continuing to respond.

    Peace.

  • Exhale. Peace is within reach.

    Exhale. Peace is within reach.

    Wisdom is the re-finding of innocence.

    We’re born innocent, but then life happens.

    Almost imperceptibly, our innocence wanes, and our disappointment in life replaces it.

    Focused on remedying our justified gripes with this world, we lose sight of our innocence that once brought us peace.

    Our life then becomes a struggle to regain that peace, sometimes further contaminating our innocence in that effort.

    Until, one day, quite by chance, we realise that peace lies in reconnecting with our innocence.

    And innocence lies in relinquishing our justified claim for justice or retribution.

    Our path then shifts from striving for peace, and instead, discovering why life happened the way that it did.

    In discovering the why, the disappointment and bitterness recedes, and the space once occupied by innocence becomes available once more.

    Thus, innocence is allowed back in, not because we pursued it, but because we allowed it to return.

    Exhale, beloved. The breath you’ve been holding in, waiting for justice, is better spent exhaling the toxins that cloud your heart.

    Let your heart rise. It knows how. We just need to stop weighing it down with expectations of those whose growth is not aligned with our own.

    Exhale, beloved. A breath of peace awaits you.

  • To be loved…truly

    To be loved…truly

    Three things that make us whole…

    To be seen… Beyond the facade. To have the essence of who we are, known to those we trust and hold dear.

    To be heard… Not only when we cry out, but also when we speak gently of the troubles in our heart.

    To be loved… For more than how we make others feel, but to be loved for what we need in return, without having to claim it.

    In that order, because a voice without an identity is not a voice. It’s only a whisper in the wind.

    A face without a voice is only window dressing, or a trophy. And not a complete being.

    And love… Love without a reciprocal embrace…an embrace of what we hold within, as well as what we willingly give, is an empty love that taints towards bitterness, rather than beauty.

    Love beyond lust or infatuation is rare. True love is never abandoned.

    I see you. I hear you. I love you. Three of the most valuable gifts you could ever give. But, you cannot give what you don’t have. For this reason, you must first see, hear, and love who you are, before you will be able to share it with another.

  • The value of values

    The value of values

    One of the paths to insanity is to try to reason around someone else’s actions or behaviour by assuming that their value system is the same as yours.

    This includes people who come from the same culture, tradition, ethnicity, and even family as you do.

    Our value system may be informed by a common framework or point of reference.

    But, unless everyone complies 100% with that framework, each interpretation or implementation of those values becomes a unique value system, as unique as each individual.

    When we don’t recognise these differences, we insist on compliance rather than understanding in the way each person adopts these values in their lives.

    That’s the root of misunderstanding: The assumption that because we have shared values on some key issues, we have shared values on all issues.

    Thus, relationships and homes are broken because of our expectations of compliance rather than our efforts towards understanding.

  • Yearning for a simple life

    Yearning for a simple life

    Life is simple, but it’s not easy.

    It becomes complicated when we look for the easy way out.

    Doing the right thing is often complicated by our concern for the consequences with those around us.

    The greater our emphasis on those consequences, the more complicated life becomes because we have that much more to consider before we hold true to our convictions.

    Often, it’s the easiest way to lose sight of our convictions, or finding reason to compromise it until it becomes an empty shell of what we once believed to be sacred.

    A simple life, by definition, would lack such complexity.

    But in that lies the demand for courage and clarity of thought.

    The clearer our thinking, the easier it is to muster up our courage.

    Courage is therefore contaminated by an unhealthy fixation on potential outcomes.

    Worse still, by preempting outcomes and changing our convictions to avoid conflict, we deny others the opportunity to grow by protecting them from the truth that we hold within us.

    Thus, life threatens to be complicated, and unfulfilled, because what we express on the outside ceases to resonate on the inside.

    And finally, this opens the door for a bitterness or regret that can no longer be expressed because we surrendered our peace for a painful compromise.

    Hold on to your truth, and allow others the space to deal with the awkwardness of their insecurities as they slowly learn to embrace a new understanding.

  • Who says you’re not enough?

    Who says you’re not enough?

    If you need to remind yourself that you’re enough, you convinced yourself that you weren’t enough.

    No one can do that to you without your agreement or consent.

    Reminders, or affirmations have their place in getting us back on track when we become distracted from the truth of who we are.

    The moment we need to do either beyond a moment in time, it means that we stopped believing what was once a truth, and now need to find reason to convince ourselves that we’re capable of being that way again.

    While there may be truth in that thought process, it also means that we’ve yet to believe that we are what we think we could be, and we therefore convince ourselves that it’s not true in the present moment, but may be true at some future point.

    Again, this way of thinking simply reinforces the belief that we’re not who we want to be.

    The question therefore is, by whose standard are we judging ourselves when we see ourselves as being less than who we think we are?

    If we were judging ourselves by our own standard, our reflections would be an assessment of our growth, rather than a need to convince ourselves that we’re something or someone that we’re not.