Tag: mindfulness

  • Are you in an abusive relationship…with you?

    Are you in an abusive relationship…with you?

    It’s women’s day in South Africa.

    A public holiday dedicated to recognising the value and contribution of women in society.

    My hope for this day is that we find the gentleness and nurturing spirit innate in women, and we give it an opportunity to thrive in our own lives, regardless of gender.

    Don’t be your harshest critic. Be your most sincere one.

    We’re often so focused on how others treat us, that we fail to recognise how badly we treat ourselves.

    Is the tone of your internal conversation one of understanding and growth, or harsh judgement and fear?

    When you have your internal conversation, do you refer to yourself by your name, or do you say ‘You’?

    Recognising these simple points will give you important insights into how you see yourself.

    Remember that we cannot give what we don’t have, so if you treat yourself harshly, chances are very good that you’re treating others harshly as well.

    Always a good time to reflect and correct the path we’re on.

  • Gratitude spawns respect

    Gratitude spawns respect

    Disrespect is often followed by discipline, or some other form of consequence management.

    While there is a need to correct bad behaviour, we can either spend our lives correcting that behaviour, or we can recognise that it’s a symptom of something else.

    That something else is the absence of gratitude.

    No. Not gratitude for what we have. Because that’s the other mistake we make.

    When we consider what we’re grateful for, we look around us, but rarely within.

    This is true for all humans, children and adults alike.

    Disrespect is a form of anger.

    Anger is a defence mechanism used to demand significance when we feel insignificant.

    Respond to the anger, and you lose sight of why there is insignificance.

    Just like responding to the disrespect only will cause you to lose sight of the absence of gratitude within the one who is behaving disrespectfully.

    That ingratitude is based on the belief that we’re not good enough. And we believe we’re not good enough only when we don’t value who we are, and what benefit others obtain from our contribution or our presence.

    Remember, you cannot nurture something that you’re not aware of.

    That’s why we take ourselves and others for granted, and end up being dismissive, disrespectful, or abusive, because we lost sight of the good within us, or them. Or both.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock



  • Grow, from unexpected places

    Grow, from unexpected places

    If you don’t like what someone has to say about you, make sure you’re not rejecting it because of who’s saying it.

    The truth about us is often spoken by our enemies, regardless of their motivation to do so.

    Growth is often experienced at the hands of those we hold in contempt.

    When you surround yourself with people that make you feel good about who you are, it’s inevitable that the ones to call you out when you’re wrong will be outside of that circle.

    But that’s where the greatest potential for growth lies.

    Growth is possible with those who see our actions for what they are, not for what it is within the context of how they know us to be.

    As sincere and well-meaning as loved ones can be, they’re not always good for growth because their affection or unwavering loyalty prevents them from seeing our blind spots.

    Try to maintain a healthy balance of critics in your life.

    Photo credit: Naadirah Ismail (using my awesome Huawei P20 Pro)

  • Be true about seeking truth

    Be true about seeking truth

    If you’re sincere about seeking the truth, you won’t be distracted by the source or tone through which it arrives.

    The truth is only harsh if you’re not willing to accept it.

    The harshness enters when we need to hear something more palatable or pleasant about ourselves because we need the validation that says that we’re not so bad.

    But that’s the problem right there.

    We use the truth to judge ourselves instead of grow, that’s why it feels harsh.

    If we embrace it, we embrace growth, and growth is never bad, except for the people that you sometimes leave behind because they don’t want to grow with you.

    Don’t let that stop you, because when they do decide to grow on their own, they’ll leave you behind.

    That’s why you need to own your life, and create opportunities for others to own theirs.

  • Discover your why

    Discover your why

    Flipped open the book to a random page and found this.

    I don’t think there is anything that drives us towards anger or happiness more than this single principle.

    Understanding it within the context of our lives is crucial towards achieving fulfilment in our relationships.

    “We must believe that we matter, that our presence is of consequence to the outcome of a greater good, or else we wither away in isolation or irrelevance.”

    This is at the heart of misery and joy.

    The fear of being inconsequential is what drives both, the most passionate embrace and the most despicable behaviour.

    If you don’t understand how this drives or affects you, you’ll be prone to emotional highs and lows that will leave you exhausted or depressed without knowing why.

    Reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183, and let’s figure out your why…
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    Image : page 37 of Own Your Sh!t

    Own Your Sh!t – PreviewDownload

  • Never abandon hope

    Never abandon hope

    Hope is born in moments when you have no reason to believe in the moment that is to follow, but something good unexpectedly lands in your lap.

    It’s born when that unexpected call changes your life for the better.

    It’s born when that stranger smiled an understanding smile in that moment that you thought the world was oblivious to your presence.

    It’s born when you wake in the morning and discover that despite your worst premonitions, you have a good day.

    Hope can be torturous when the events of your life have given you little reason to believe that the good that you experience will last for more than a fleeting moment.

    But, knowing that it’s possible for it to last beyond that brief period of joy is what makes it impossible to ignore the hope that bubbles beneath the surface.

    Hope is faith. And faith is hope.

    Both are intricately woven into the fabric of our struggles.

    When we focus on our struggles only, we lose sight of all those moments that planted the seeds of hope in our hearts so many lifetimes before the present moment.

    In forgetting, we burden ourselves with more than the burdens of life. We burden ourselves with the burden of ingratitude as well.

    Focus on hope, and faith will have your back.

  • Fanning our rage

    Fanning our rage

    Fear is driven by need.

    The moment we give up on the need, the fear subsides.

    Our need to be significant to those who are significant to us drives most of the fears that may fan our rage at the world.

    But only for as long as we still have hope that there is a chance for us to be significant to them.

    When we give up on achieving that status in their lives, the fear subsides and gives way to an emptiness that carries with it no energy at all.

    That emptiness feels like peace after a lifetime of struggle. But only until we realise that when that peace entered, hope departed.

    Thus, the dulling of the soul begins.

    Quietly receding, carefully subduing, and slowly disappearing from the lives of those we once courted.

    Until, eventually, we successfully fade from our own life.

    Some see it as a cowardly surrender. Or perhaps a convenient choice.

    If only it was convenient to be invisible, more would choose that over self destruction, or suicide.

    When we stop paying attention to those who seek us out, we surround ourselves with those we seek instead.

    If we don’t find a balance between the two, we’ll find the isolation that accompanies being both, looking for a place to belong, but finding none.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • You can’t wish away your struggle

    You can’t wish away your struggle

    Wishing it’s a sunny day when it’s raining is not going to make the sun come out.

    Therefore, leaving your umbrella behind is an act of foolishness, not optimism.

    A positive mindset can often lead us into delusional states.

    When our overbearing sense of deliberate positivity doesn’t produce results, it crushes our spirit even more than before we started.

    Keep it real.

    Positivity is about focusing on opportunities, not about wishing away reality.

    Whispering to the universe, if not followed by real and decisive action, will remain nothing more than a whisper.

    Positivity doesn’t only attract positivity, it also attracts the negative ones who are in need of positivity.

    If you don’t recognise this, you’ll struggle to reconcile why your efforts at being positive still yield negative results.

    You attract what others need, not what you are.

    If nothing else, let that be the grounding point for your sanity.