Tag: appreciation

  • Ingratitude starts with you

    Ingratitude starts with you

    We most often only realise that we’re ungrateful for a blessing that we have when it’s too late.

    That’s when regret sets in and either spurs us on to improve our awareness of what we should be grateful for, or it makes us bitter for the loss that we experienced.

    Gratitude is something that no one can instil in us.

    Others may be able to give us something to be grateful for, but they can’t insert that gratitude into our hearts.

    Gratitude is therefore something that we must connect with through our own way of valuing what we have.

    But, valuing what and who we have in our lives becomes difficult, if not impossible, if we believe that we’re entitled to what they offer.

    If we reduce the contribution of others to simply bring their duty, or the expectations of the role that they fulfil, we’ll inadvertently diminish our own value to simply being one of duty and responsibility as well.

    We see ourselves through the same lenses that we use to judge the contribution of others in our lives.

    When we regret the loss of something or someone because we took it for granted, we need to pause and reflect how much of who we are do we take for granted.

    What do we recognise as cherishable traits or attributes about ourselves that we must nurture and protect from contamination?

    Or do we take who we are for granted because we’ve grown so accustomed to trading and transacting with those around us?

    This happens when we believe that what we do for others deserves reciprocation because we need something from them.

    That’s how we lose sight of who we are, and the value that we are capable of creating in the lives of those around us because we want them to experience that value, and not because we need something from them in return.

    You can’t give what you don’t have. That’s why ingratitude towards others begins with ingratitude towards yourself.

    It always starts with you.

  • Gratitude starts with you

    Gratitude starts with you

    The very essence of gratitude lies in recognising the value of what we have.

    That sounds obvious, yet so many take for granted the lives that they have while yearning for a life that feels out of reach.

    The moment we long for something that isn’t there, we risk taking for granted that which is there.

    When we focus on what we don’t have, we’ll be focused on the shortcomings and flaws of what we do have.

    This applies to both people and things.

    We grow distracted by what we believe we deserve when we don’t trust those around us to be concerned about what we need.

    That lack of trust is due to many reasons, most of which relate to how we see ourselves.

    But, most importantly, the underlying expectation that accompanies such a focus on what we believe we deserve means that we feel betrayed each time we don’t get what we need.

    Expectation, by default, carries with it a sense of entitlement. That’s why we feel betrayed when our expectations are not met.

    But back to gratitude. If you look at what you get from others, and you assume that it’s simply their duty or obligation to provide it, then you won’t appreciate the blessing contained in what they provide, regardless of their reasons for providing it.

    That’s how we become ungrateful without meaning to.

    That’s how life becomes transactional.

    That’s how happiness and peace becomes elusive.

    It always starts with you.

    Own Your Life.

  • Are you grateful for you?

    Are you grateful for you?

    Whenever asked about gratitude, the inevitable response is one that is focused on everything we have around us.

    Sometimes, we consider our health and our skills.

    At other times we recognise the value of things not being as bad as they could have been.

    And we convince ourselves that this is being grateful.

    But how often do we stop to contemplate gratitude for the traits and attributes that we have which makes our appreciation of all of that possible?

    How often do we stop to appreciate the essence of who we are, and the tough and selfless choices that we made under difficult circumstances, when we could easily have taken the selfish or easy way out?

    This is not about judging the choices that we’ve made, but about recognising how we still showed up, with conviction, to do our best to make something good out of a bad situation.

    You cannot nurture that which you don’t acknowledge to be true. So how are you going to nurture the value of who you are, if your gratitude is only focused on what you have?

    Striking a balance between selfishness and gratitude for the self is what makes the difference between being defined by your struggles in life, versus defining the outcomes of the struggles of your life.

    You won’t be able to determine the difference if you lack gratitude for who you are, and what your contribution is towards improving the state of your life, and the lives of those around you.

    The next time you contemplate what you’re grateful for, be sure to include yourself in that moment of reflection.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Money is not the root of evil

    Money is not the root of evil

    Money is nothing more than a tool.

    It’s a means to an end, not a motivation in itself.

    Even its accumulation through miserliness, or its wastage through extravagance still makes it nothing more than a tool to achieve a greater goal.

    Ingratitude is what results in such tools being used to our detriment, or to the detriment of others.

    Money in the hands of an ingrate is used to harm others, or the self.

    Ingratitude is therefore the demon that we must learn to understand if we hope to use money in a way that creates a fulfilled life.

    Ingratitude is born of the belief that we are entitled to things or outcomes.

    That sense of entitlement is based on our need to feel validated by such privilege, because we see it as a measure of how much we mean to others.

    Our need for such validation is from a lack of appreciation for who we are and what our unique contribution to this world can be, and instead, a fixation on everything that we don’t have.

    Understand the source of your ingratitude, and tools like money will carry with it benefits and blessings in ways you never thought possible, without contaminating your ego in the process.

  • Be gentle

    Be gentle

    Chances are very good that your harshness or cruelty is directed at the wrong person.

    Unfortunately, you’ll only realise this after the damage is done.

    Cruelty, like anger, is most often expressed to those weaker than us, even though we experience it at the hands of those stronger than us.

    Sadly, it is paid forward more often than gratitude or kindness.

    The need for vengeance to reclaim our power drives us more to action than the perception of weakness that accompanies a gentle spirit.

    Needing vengeance is a sign of a low self esteem because we are more concerned with how others perceive us, than how we perceive ourselves.

    For this reason there are no bad people in this world, only weak ones.

    Don’t be weak.

    Being gentle requires a strength of character that too few have mastered.

    Be gentle.

  • Gratitude, the root of peace

    Gratitude, the root of peace

    As long as you have gratitude in your heart, you will always find opportunities instead of problems in your life.

    Gratitude allows us to focus on what’s good, and realise how much worse things could be.

    It encourages appreciation for what we have instead of envy for what we don’t have.

    Most importantly, it recognises the blessings that most take for granted like good health, free time, youthfulness, good relations, and peace of mind.

    When we lose gratitude for these things, we take it for granted and stop doing what is needed to maintain it.

    That’s when we lose it.

    And if we still don’t recognise our ingratitude at that point, our difficulties become a trial rather than a reminder.

    Live with gratitude. Always.

  • Soul food

    Soul food

    The physical form demands fulfilment, while the soul demands peace.

    Too often, we mistake the fulfilment of our physical needs to be soul food, and we neglect our soul.

    As this soul food grows familiar, we seek ever more creative ways to get that fulfilment leading us further into indulgence, and away from peace.

    Soul food is the feeling you get from an embrace with a loved one before you notice the scent of their perfume.

    It’s the sound of the dove cooing before you admire your beautiful bird bath.

    It’s the laughter of family before you notice the luxury with which you clothe them.

    Pause.

    Take a deep breath.

    Look a little closer.

    Beyond the physical.

    Look at what money can’t buy, or hands can’t manipulate, and you’ll find the divine, sublimely tucked away with the peace that you’ve been searching for, for so long…

    And remember, what feeds your soul rarely fills your belly.

    So don’t be reckless with where you seek fulfilment in your life, because you may just discover that after exhausting yourself in that pursuit for decades, you were only distracting yourself with trinkets that have no soul.

  • Ingratitude breeds ingratitude

    Ingratitude breeds ingratitude

    When we’re ungrateful for who we are,
    When we deny any good in ourselves that others may see,
    When we ignore our beauty because there may exist some ugly,
    We protect ourselves from attachment to anything wholesome or beautiful in life.

    Our need for such protection is a deeply ingrained fear about never being good enough.

    Not good enough for the standards that we hope to live up to, nor good enough for what we think we need to be to those around us.

    The self loathing ensures that this conversation remains in our heads, and is only expressed as rage or bitterness, or many times, as deliberate ingratitude.

    But ingratitude does more than just take our lives for granted.

    Ingratitude convinces loved ones that they’re not good enough either.

    Ingratitude distorts good intentions into bad motives.

    Ingratitude breeds within others what we loathe about ourselves, while convincing us that it harms no one.

    Ingratitude is the real root of evil.

    It is ingratitude that destroys hope.

    It is ingratitude that destroys love.

    And it is ingratitude that destroys gentleness.

    You cannot give what you don’t have.

    When ingratitude for your self takes hold, the sincerity of any gratitude that you hope to express towards others lacks authenticity and leaves them questioning your sincerity.

    Ingratitude is a vicious cycle that destroys every good that it touches, and breaks every soul that may once have been whole.

    And that’s how peace becomes elusive.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock