Tag: appreciation

  • The gratitude paradox

    The gratitude paradox

    Gratitude is a result of appreciating the absence of something.

    That absence doesn’t have to be experienced, it can also be observed.

    All that is needed is an event or incident that inspires the realisation of what life would be like without the value that we obtain from something. Occasionally it’s from someone.

    It is our aversion to the absence of that value in our life that instils a sense of gratitude for its presence.

    Gratitude is one of those things that apart from it being impossible to insert into another’s heart, it also cannot be given if you don’t have it for yourself.

    When one who takes themselves for granted, or undermines their self worth expresses gratitude, it is more an intellectual acknowledgment of the contribution of another, rather than true gratitude.

    This is easily revealed when such benefit is removed. The one with true gratitude will mourn its loss or even try to reclaim it, while the one who lacked that gratitude for themselves will find it easier to accept that it is what it is.

    Giving up on good is more readily practiced by those who don’t believe themselves to be deserving of such good.

    Thus, the absence of gratitude is not to be cursed. Instead, the pain of the soul that lacks it should be considered so that we may offer healing rather than rejection.

  • Silent Protest

    Silent Protest

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    A protest that cannot be articulated, is a protest spawned by futility, to feed futility.

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

     

    My contempt for what I am presented with is rarely expressed plainly. My reservations to express at all is grounded in years of ridicule and dismissal around issues I have held with great conviction. Experience is a bitter pill, whether swallowed or not. Each cycle of decay results in a shortening of the fuse that prompts us into action. I believe that our response at break point is chosen long before we reach that point. It’s not something that happens instinctively. Instead, it has been internalised for so long that when we do reach that tipping point, no contemplation or deliberation is needed. The response is not intended to be measured. It is intended to finally release the silent protest that we chose not to express outwardly for reasons that suddenly fade from significance.

    Silent protests are born when our pleas for sanity or reason go unanswered in a setting that we feel compelled to embrace. It’s a cry for recognition of who we are and what we need that has fallen on inattentive ears, or calloused hearts, leaving us bound to the commitments we once made, while resisting the urge to respond in kind lest we be reduced to the same stature of that which we have grown to despise. But the contempt is not easily expressed. The contempt is reined in to ensure that the commitment remains the priority. After all, in the absence of the commitment, no such claim of aloofness would be credible.

    So the silent protest plays out, often for years, and assumes a sub-conscious frame of reference that we rarely realise exists. The weightiness sets in, the lethargy overwhelms, the fatigue smothers, and the passion withers. Life ceases to be life at this point. Instead, it steps aside to allow existence to take over. Existence, then, becomes the final protest. It protests the onset of death, denies the potential of life, and secretly yearns for both.

    Breathe. Exhale. Remind yourself why the silent protest started, if indeed you are able to remember, and decide if it is still worth the commitment you are trying to honour. If you can’t remember, then remind yourself about where your passion once flared, and use that as a point to return to in order to retrace your steps to the point where you lost your voice.

  • Gratitude before regret

    Gratitude before regret

    It’s impossible to be grateful for a blessing that you don’t acknowledge.

    Like believing that we’re entitled to certain outcomes because of our effort or contribution.

    Or believing that we’re entitled to be treated a certain way because we believe we’re a good person.

    Whether those entitlements are true is not the issue.

    The issue is that we are less likely to treat with due care and appreciation those things that we believe we are entitled to have in our lives.

    Anything that is neglected in care or attention withers and eventually dies.

    That’s how relationships deteriorate, and how our quality of life diminishes when we’re not paying attention.

    Our absence of gratitude is therefore most often acknowledged only after the regret of the loss sets in.

    Be mindful of what you have before you no longer have it.

  • Gratitude is not the first step

    Gratitude is not the first step

    Gratitude is all that matters, because gratitude is not possible without everything that matters coming before it.

    Gratitude escapes us when we don’t respect the effort needed to achieve anything worth achieving.

    It escapes us when we assume that we’re entitled to an outcome, without considering our contribution that is needed towards that outcome.

    It escapes us when we take for granted what we have, because we’re always focused on what we don’t have.

    To appreciate the effort, the struggle, or the commitment needed to create anything of value, we need to first recognise the sacrifice, the hard work, the consistency, and the commitment needed to develop the skills to gather the resources needed to achieve it.

    For this reason, we all have something that we give to others for which they should be grateful, but sadly, we cannot insert gratitude into their hearts for it.

    We can only contribute the best of who we are, and appreciate why we may not always be appreciated.

    We cannot give what we don’t have. The ungrateful one lacks gratitude for who they are and what they have.

    Expecting gratitude from such a being is therefore foolhardy, no matter how significant they may be in your life.

  • Exhale. Peace is within reach.

    Exhale. Peace is within reach.

    Wisdom is the re-finding of innocence.

    We’re born innocent, but then life happens.

    Almost imperceptibly, our innocence wanes, and our disappointment in life replaces it.

    Focused on remedying our justified gripes with this world, we lose sight of our innocence that once brought us peace.

    Our life then becomes a struggle to regain that peace, sometimes further contaminating our innocence in that effort.

    Until, one day, quite by chance, we realise that peace lies in reconnecting with our innocence.

    And innocence lies in relinquishing our justified claim for justice or retribution.

    Our path then shifts from striving for peace, and instead, discovering why life happened the way that it did.

    In discovering the why, the disappointment and bitterness recedes, and the space once occupied by innocence becomes available once more.

    Thus, innocence is allowed back in, not because we pursued it, but because we allowed it to return.

    Exhale, beloved. The breath you’ve been holding in, waiting for justice, is better spent exhaling the toxins that cloud your heart.

    Let your heart rise. It knows how. We just need to stop weighing it down with expectations of those whose growth is not aligned with our own.

    Exhale, beloved. A breath of peace awaits you.

  • To be loved…truly

    To be loved…truly

    Three things that make us whole…

    To be seen… Beyond the facade. To have the essence of who we are, known to those we trust and hold dear.

    To be heard… Not only when we cry out, but also when we speak gently of the troubles in our heart.

    To be loved… For more than how we make others feel, but to be loved for what we need in return, without having to claim it.

    In that order, because a voice without an identity is not a voice. It’s only a whisper in the wind.

    A face without a voice is only window dressing, or a trophy. And not a complete being.

    And love… Love without a reciprocal embrace…an embrace of what we hold within, as well as what we willingly give, is an empty love that taints towards bitterness, rather than beauty.

    Love beyond lust or infatuation is rare. True love is never abandoned.

    I see you. I hear you. I love you. Three of the most valuable gifts you could ever give. But, you cannot give what you don’t have. For this reason, you must first see, hear, and love who you are, before you will be able to share it with another.

  • For all you unconventional moms

    For all you unconventional moms

  • Selflessly selfish

    Selflessly selfish

    We’re only as selfless as our need to serve.

    But our need to serve is the greatest form of selfishness that we can offer the world.

    We’ve heard it all before. There is nothing so selfless that it is not selfish.

    We serve our ego when we serve others.

    Or perhaps the one that connects the most is that we need validation for our goodness, and that’s why we give of ourselves.

    Either way, we wouldn’t offer ourselves to others if we didn’t believe that we had something of value to share with them.

    Similarly, we wouldn’t want to share something of value if there wasn’t a part of us that wanted to see them benefit from that value that we may be able to create for them.

    Let our selfishness be our need to serve others. Even if our ego is stroked in the process, let it not be stroked at the expense of their dignity, and let us not be fulfilled at the expense of our humility.

    And never let self doubt prevent you from sharing the unique gift of who you are with the world.