Blog

  • Gratitude before regret

    Gratitude before regret

    It’s impossible to be grateful for a blessing that you don’t acknowledge.

    Like believing that we’re entitled to certain outcomes because of our effort or contribution.

    Or believing that we’re entitled to be treated a certain way because we believe we’re a good person.

    Whether those entitlements are true is not the issue.

    The issue is that we are less likely to treat with due care and appreciation those things that we believe we are entitled to have in our lives.

    Anything that is neglected in care or attention withers and eventually dies.

    That’s how relationships deteriorate, and how our quality of life diminishes when we’re not paying attention.

    Our absence of gratitude is therefore most often acknowledged only after the regret of the loss sets in.

    Be mindful of what you have before you no longer have it.

  • Gratitude is not the first step

    Gratitude is not the first step

    Gratitude is all that matters, because gratitude is not possible without everything that matters coming before it.

    Gratitude escapes us when we don’t respect the effort needed to achieve anything worth achieving.

    It escapes us when we assume that we’re entitled to an outcome, without considering our contribution that is needed towards that outcome.

    It escapes us when we take for granted what we have, because we’re always focused on what we don’t have.

    To appreciate the effort, the struggle, or the commitment needed to create anything of value, we need to first recognise the sacrifice, the hard work, the consistency, and the commitment needed to develop the skills to gather the resources needed to achieve it.

    For this reason, we all have something that we give to others for which they should be grateful, but sadly, we cannot insert gratitude into their hearts for it.

    We can only contribute the best of who we are, and appreciate why we may not always be appreciated.

    We cannot give what we don’t have. The ungrateful one lacks gratitude for who they are and what they have.

    Expecting gratitude from such a being is therefore foolhardy, no matter how significant they may be in your life.

  • The absent parent

    The absent parent

    Even an absent parent is still parenting.

    It’s then on the shoulders of the present one to compensate for that.

    Sometimes, the absence of someone has a greater impact on us than the presence of others.

    This is especially true for parenting.

    The absent parent leaves the child with feelings of abandonment, insignificance, and a low self-esteem, to name a few.

    Worse still, it tortures them with the hope that it could be better if only…while distracting them from embracing the life and love that they have.

    It’s that unfulfilled hope and the failed expectations that become the burden of the parent who is present, who is still committed to the wholesome development of the child, to mitigate the impact of that negative influence.

    While it’s true that the children suffer, not enough is done to recognise the impact on the single parent.

    Because the human is often forgotten behind the role or the label that we assign to them.

  • Empathise

    Empathise

    Empathy is expressed when we desire for others what we wish to have for ourselves.

    Sometimes, it’s something we have, and we hope that others will be able to enjoy the same value and benefit that we enjoy from it.

    Sometimes, it’s what we don’t have, yet we hope that we may be able to contribute towards others having it, despite having no reason to believe that we’ll be able to experience it ourselves.

    Empathy is founded in our desire to alleviate our struggles that we see in someone else’s life.

    That struggle could be something we currently experience, or something that we have experienced before.

    It is core to our humanness, and only gets tainted when we respond with bitterness, hoping to see others suffer or struggle in the same way as we may have. Either at their hands, or at the hands of those whom they represent in our life.

    Empathy is the difference between peaceful acceptance, and bitter vengeance.

    Like that old proverb says, a bitter heart eats its owner.

    Protect your heart from the bitterness of this world by practicing empathy instead.

  • Invest purposefully in your life

    Invest purposefully in your life

    Invest in creating the life that you want, rather than escaping the life that you don’t want.

    It might sound obvious, but take a breather and consider what drives your choices.

    Are you driven by the need to avoid unpleasant encounters in your life?

    Or are you driven by the need to create encounters that connect with your soul?

    The difference has a profound effect on your sense of peace and well being.

    Things only thrive if we nurture it. Nurturing is not always an act of kindness.

    Sometimes, nurturing is feeding a toxic cycle without realising it, or validating untoward behaviour by actively engaging with it.

    Emotional mindfulness connects you with the present moment so that you may make more informed investments about the outcomes of your life.

    *Connect with me to find out how I can help you to achieve this. Video sessions available at very reasonable rates.

  • A Brain Dump

    A Brain Dump

    The short posts don’t allow for a meaningful purge of what rumbles inside my head. And there’s a lot of rumbling this morning. Having finally published my novel, the reactions I’ve noted along with the assumptions that people make about my reasons for doing so, are entertaining. I’ve always taken a morbid pleasure from watching people sum me up incorrectly, or assume to know what drives me. I barely know myself, so it’s highly improbable that anyone else will know either.

    Despite my efforts at explaining myself, sharing my passion, living out loud, and scribbling my thoughts in digital ink for any passerby to read, I still remain a well-kept secret. A colourful life such as mine is intimidating for many to grasp. It’s much easier for them to find random points of entertainment instead. Of that, there is an unlimited supply.

    However, it only serves to be morbidly entertaining if the ones who are peering in have no significance in my life. What then when one held dear takes a closer look and feels afraid? Those are the moments when the introspection shifts from morbid curiosity to flirting with regret. Being trusting has earned me more struggles than deliberate betrayals ever did.

    When philosophy teases us, we play with words that talk of the strength of character of those most burdened by the trials of life, but when reality demands that we embrace them, we recede from fear of contamination. Sometimes, we recede from fear of feeling burdened by them. But from afar, from a safe distance, we admire and celebrate their resilience, as long as they keep their resilience to themselves.

    The irony of society is that it will be more inclined to offer itself to one who appears untarnished so that it may experience the process of being tarnished by the experiences of life with them, rather than to revel in the joy of one who has already been polished by what once tarnished them. It’s the equivalent of wanting to marry a virgin, but hoping to have the sexual experience of a seasoned whore, and then realising that the whore may be more pleasurable, but looking for one who is still virginal in demeanour. We really are an entertaining bunch, aren’t we?

    Sometimes it seems like we’re hypocritical in our approach to establishing or respecting respectable standards, but that hypocrisy is easily defended when such standards become our own to defend. Fear of the future has tainted many well-meaning men, and suspicion has destroyed many loves before they were allowed to bloom.

    Words have been elusive, except in unpredictable bursts of late. The topics have been revealing, teasing my soul and flirting with my audience, but largely unfulfilled either way. Fulfilment continues to be a slithery one. Testing everything that I assumed to be true, and teasing it with new experiences and emotions that have long been dismissed as taunts of fairy tales.

    Poetry has been a bipolar friend. Sometimes testing my skill at articulating the melody of my mindlessness, and at other times distorting my words to reflect the angst that defines my madness. Between mindlessness and madness, love is cradled in a delicate hammock, ready to tip over at the slightest sway, but even in its tipping over, offering laughter and joy in unexpected waves of delight that distract me from the sand in my face.

    The ambivalence of life digs ever deeper. Joys grow more intense with each ravaging of happiness that passes, only to be followed by yet another crescendo of joy. Each time, the crescendo exceeds the previous pitch, creating an ever-deepening cavern into which to plunge when the joy is tainted. From depths of despair to wings of angels, peace is elusive. But peace fades from want in the presence of such joy. If only the joy would stay, perhaps then it will inspire a peaceful serenade of a life waiting to be indulged in hues yet to be seen.

    An interesting life leaves a kaleidoscope of scars that form beautiful patterns in the stars, as we imagine constellations of soulful connections in spaces that remain empty and lifeless, if not for the gaze of the beloved into that realm. My vocabulary fails me much. Yet another double-edged dagger, fulfilling my need to articulate more closely what my heart yearns for, yet denying me attachment due to my increasingly complex expression in my efforts to be understood. Finding the most articulate words to describe in the smallest phrases has birthed the epitome of sophistication through minimalism. Only such sophistication serves no good end in the absence of one who seeks to understand, or heaven forbid, to embrace.

    A dump indeed, this has been…but not of the brain, and more of the heart. A strange encounter.

  • The understanding seeker

    The understanding seeker

    Seek to understand, so that you may be able to accept the events of your life with peace, rather than feeling compelled to let go with bitterness.

    It’s the inclination to want to be heard that denies us peace when we’re not heard.

    Or to want to be acknowledged when we are dismissed.

    Rather than fight to be heard, or to be acknowledged, choose your battles.

    Be sure that what you’re fighting for is what you want to have in your life, and not just because you refuse to go quietly.

    When you find it impossible to get through, to make your point, or to establish reason, it’s a sign that you need to pause and understand better what it is that you’re dealing with.

    When you pause to understand, you’ll allow yourself a chance to decide if the fight is worth it, and if it is, you’ll create space for yourself to recognise a better way to achieve your objective.

    Like the prophetic advice teaches us, don’t get angry. The moment you find your anger rising, it’s a sign that you need to step back, and seek to understand better, before continuing to respond.

    Peace.

  • To be loved…

    To be loved…

    Love, without understanding, is mere infatuation.

    To love, is to see the strength that created such beauty, not just to admire the beauty.

    To love, is to caress the scar with a gentleness that honours the pain that caused it.

    To love, is to see the pain that sometimes distorts the beauty, without devaluing the beauty.

    To love, is to see, before needing to be seen.

    The profession of love, without truly knowing who is being loved, is a profession of need, more than it is an embrace.

    It is when our need to be understood by our beloved exceeds our desire to understand them first that love makes a silent exit, and entitlement replaces it.

    To truly love, you must first seek to understand, because understanding demands that you pay attention to your beloved, before you feel a need to demand their attention for what you need instead.

    Be loved. Be blessed.