Gratitude is a result of appreciating the absence of something.
That absence doesn’t have to be experienced, it can also be observed.
All that is needed is an event or incident that inspires the realisation of what life would be like without the value that we obtain from something. Occasionally it’s from someone.
It is our aversion to the absence of that value in our life that instils a sense of gratitude for its presence.
Gratitude is one of those things that apart from it being impossible to insert into another’s heart, it also cannot be given if you don’t have it for yourself.
When one who takes themselves for granted, or undermines their self worth expresses gratitude, it is more an intellectual acknowledgment of the contribution of another, rather than true gratitude.
This is easily revealed when such benefit is removed. The one with true gratitude will mourn its loss or even try to reclaim it, while the one who lacked that gratitude for themselves will find it easier to accept that it is what it is.
Giving up on good is more readily practiced by those who don’t believe themselves to be deserving of such good.
Thus, the absence of gratitude is not to be cursed. Instead, the pain of the soul that lacks it should be considered so that we may offer healing rather than rejection.
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Tag: selflove
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The gratitude paradox
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Understanding vs Judgement
There are two types of people in this world.
Those who appreciate our efforts for trying to achieve good things.
And those who ignore our efforts and judge us for failing.
The ones who appreciate the effort recognise their own path towards growth, and empathise with the struggle and aspirations of others. This inspires them to uplift and guide gently, although firmly at times.
The ones who judge others for failing are bitter about not having had such support when they failed on their path of growth, and therefore feel a need to highlight the shortcomings of others so that they may draw attention to their own successes, or their struggles.
This prompts them to be harsh and uncompromising in their feedback and expectations from others.
Being aware of which one of these you are can shift the dynamic of your life from one of toxic competition, to one of peaceful perseverance.
The choice you make will have a profound impact on the quality of your life, and your relationships with those around you.
Photo credit: Adobe Stock
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Judging is easy
Judging each other only becomes easy when we assume that we are above the behaviour that were judging.
When we receive the benefit of the doubt from others, we assume that we deserve it, rather than it being a result of their generosity of spirit.
When we’re misunderstood, we may be inclined towards accusing others of misunderstanding us, rather than considering that they had good reason to get it wrong.
Being defensive or judgemental are two traits that originate from the same source. That is, feeling emotionally vulnerable.
Judgement demands compliance with a standard that is larger than who we are, and therefore associates us with something that must be respected or revered.
That’s why it’s easier to judge than it is to understand. Because understanding demands that we set aside such associations and invest of ourselves in assessing the behaviour of others.
Sometimes, that investment means that we must suspend our focus on our rights in that relationship in order to understand. When we’re afraid of being insignificant, suspending such rights feels like an attack on our self worth.
The result…anger or bitterness.
If you need help navigating through such complex relationships in your life, I can help.
WhatsApp me on +27836599183 or reach out via my website at zaidismail.com.
Photo credit : Adobe Stock
#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #theegosystem #ownyourlife #ownyourshit #embracingME #motivation #zaidismail #lifecoaching #coachforlife #suicidalawareness #suicideprevention #suicideawarenessmonth -
Respectfully dishonest
This is especially true for our relationships with ourselves, more than it reflects on our relationships with others.
We disrespect ourselves when we avoid truths that feel shameful or disappointing about who we are.
That shame or disappointment that we feel is because we’re looking at ourselves through other people’s eyes, or at least what we think they would think of us if they knew what we’re hiding within.
We respect ourselves when we focus on understanding rather than judging why we’re not being true to the standard that we want to live up to.
But that standard must be our own aspiration, and not a standard defined by society or anyone else.
Someone else may suggest or advise on what is worth pursuing, but we must adopt that as our own aspiration, with conviction, or else we’ll again judge ourselves to be a success or a failure when we exert ourselves towards achieving that goal.
If you’re dishonest with yourself or with others, then respect is no longer part of that interaction.
Take time to reflect and recalibrate your efforts, and leave the judgement to those who will judge regardless of your best efforts towards them.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selflove #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #embracingME #pursuitofhappiness #zaidismail -
Reconnect with your innate wisdom
We all have an innate wisdom that we lose sight of as the distractions of life accumulate.
When we go out in search of answers and adopt methods that worked for someone else, we further distance ourselves from that innate wisdom.
This distancing that occurs undermines our authenticity, and leaves us feeling at odds with life rather than comforting us.
To reconnect with that peace that feels so elusive, we must reconnect with that innate wisdom, or else life will continue to feel like a detached experience.
It is only in sincere conversation that truths are encountered and wisdom adopted.
For this reason, I am not hers to teach you anything new. My sole purpose is to reconnect you with the wisdom that you already have within you.
Reach out at zaidismail.com or WhatsApp on +27836599183.
If you prefer, email me at info@zaidismail.com
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Depression is not an illness
I realise that this is a highly contentious point. But we must recognise the elephant in the room before we are able to deal with it.
The myth that depression is an illness causes more harm than the good it’s intended to achieve.
Depression is the absence of hope. Preceding that is the saturation of failed expectations from those we consider significant in our lives.
Like happiness, depression is not a choice. But, also like happiness, depression is an outcome of the collective choices that we make.
The more aware we are of those choices, and importantly the consequences of those choices, the more consciously we are able to make decisions to break the cycles that result from those choices.
The moment we label a human experience as an illness or a disorder, we create victims rather than masters of our emotional experience, thereby disempowering us in our efforts to rise above the unpleasant experiences of our lives.
Depression is not an illness. It is a legitimate human experience in response to bad experiences in life.
When we begin to recognise this, it becomes possible to reconnect with our humanity, rather than to surrender to an imagined illness.
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Do more than survive
Those who respect your victim-hood do so because it makes them feel better about themselves.
They either feel more accomplished, or they find comfort in the familiarity of your struggle.
Sometimes it gives them purpose in their need to uplift others so that their lives feel more fulfilled.
Whether their intentions are good or not is not what’s important. The important point is that neither prompts you to rise above being a victim.
Those who support you in your moments of weakness or need but also encourage you to rise above it are the ones to cherish.
Before you take offence to what I’m saying, you need to realise that you’re only a victim when you allow the oppression of others to define your self worth, and to dictate your effort towards establishing a life worth living.
The moment you own your life and rise above the impact of that oppression, you’re no longer a victim, you’re a fighter! Not a survivor!
As long as you focus on surviving, you’re still defined by the moment of your oppression, even though you may have freed yourself from it.
Be more than the struggles of your life. It’s possible, and beautifully rewarding.
Photo credit : Naadirah Ismail
#hope #expectation #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #mybeloved #zaidismail #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #narcissisticparents -
More than mindfulness
What we respond to reflects our personal values.
How we respond reflects our ego.
Emotional mindfulness is key to getting this right.
Situational mindfulness is knowing which battles to choose. That’s our value system that drives our choices.
Emotional mindfulness is being aware of how we feel when we choose our battles. That’s our self worth that comes into play.
Recognising the difference allows us to be more effective at achieving the positive outcomes that we hope for in life, rather than self-sabotaging because of our insecurities that may contaminate our tone in communicating what we feel strongly about.
Take your mindfulness to the next level.
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