Tag: hope

  • What’s your legacy?

    What’s your legacy?

    Live to love, to laugh, and to leave a legacy.

    It is only through truly appreciating who we are, that we will be able to leave an imprint of love in the hearts of those we cherish.

    Until we connect with that gratitude of self, our efforts will put smiles in the hearts of others, while our own faces carry smiles that barely reach our eyes.

    Without such gratitude, our laughter will be nothing more than an attempt to release, in that moment, the heaviness that we harbour within.

    And our legacy will be one of sacrifice and martyrdom, teaching our loved ones to sacrifice themselves in the service of others, while not teaching them how to connect with the sweetness of such service.

    Material success is only a blessing if it uplifts, rather than enslaves.

    Wealth that enslaves is the wealth that strokes our ego but deprives us of the joy of human connection, or denies us the bonds of beauty that feed our souls.

    Laughter should not be sourced from a business deal that outwitted our opponents.

    Such laughter will mock us in our later years when we realise that our fascination with wealth was merely a drop in the ocean of joy compared to the joy that we could have achieved in investing our incredible talents to brighten up the faces of loved ones, or even strangers.

    Wealth is a means to an end. Don’t get so caught up in the means that you completely lose sight of your end.

  • Do you know why?

    Do you know why?

    What we choose to respond to is a reflection of what is important to us.

    The more important it is, the more intense or passionate our response.

    Hence anger that bubbles over, or heartfelt pleas and messages to connect with someone about something.

    The tone and demeanour of how we respond is a reflection of our self-worth.

    The more aggressive or abrasive we are, the lower our self-worth in that moment and about that setting. And vice versa.

    If we’re not mindful about our emotional needs from a given interaction, we’re likely to be distracted by the technical or practical aspects of what we’re dealing with, rather than understanding why it provokes such a strong response from us, or our partner.

    Situational mindfulness is the easy part. That’s being aware of WHAT is going on around you so that you can respond appropriately.

    Emotional mindfulness is more elusive, because it means that we need to be consciously aware of our emotional bias in that moment, or else we’ll lose sight of our bias when interpreting the actions or words of others. In other words, the WHY of our response.

    Understanding your Egosystem that drives you is therefore critical towards improving the quality of your relationships, and your life.

    If you’re struggling to understand why you can’t let go of something that appears hopeless, or why you feel so intensely about something that isn’t that important in the bigger picture, get your copy of The Egosystem now, and begin your journey of reconnecting with you, after having been distracted by the struggles of life.

  • Prisons of our minds

    Prisons of our minds

    Without realising it, we create most of the boundaries and the dependencies that we have on others, often without them being aware of it.

    One of the reasons we do this is because that is our code of life that we’re honouring.

    It’s our way of respecting or protecting what we see as sacred in that relationship.

    However, it’s based on the assumption that our partner shares the same values, and values the same things.

    Healthy communication will make such misalignment of expectations easier to deal with, and resolve.

    But, the moment we tell someone what we need from them, we create an opportunity for doubt within ourselves about whether they’re doing something out of obligation, or sincerity.

    That doubt is the beginning of the prison walls that we erect around ourselves, which slowly isolates us from our partner because we’re expecting them to notice what we need.

    But expectations are important in a relationship.

    Without it, the relationship loses value and the trust fades.

    To avoid this, we need to develop a healthy emotional maturity in the relationship so that issues of trust, expectations, and duty can be discussed in ways that don’t threaten the self-worth of your partner.

    More than this, we also need to realise that if we focused on what we’re not getting, and also focused only on what we’re giving, chances are good that we are unaware of what they need from us beyond the assumptions that we’ve made.

    Thus, the prisons of our minds become the prisons of our lives.



  • Don’t wish away life

    Don’t wish away life

    Perspective is what makes the difference between feeling trialed, versus experiencing growth.

    The narrative that keeps reminding us that it’s a cruel world and that we must struggle to survive, distracts us from our contribution towards that cruel world.

    When things don’t go our way, we must remember the times when we were faced with unexpected difficulties and how we overcame them.

    But don’t focus on the amount of times you were faced with difficulties and wish that it would stop.

    Focus on the fact that despite your unpreparedness, you were able to overcome the difficulties.

    We cannot control what life throws at us. We can only do our best to either overcome it and move on, or find opportunity in it to create something beautiful or valuable.

    Recognising your abilities and appreciating the resources that you have access to will help you to remain focused on being purposeful rather than feeling burdened.

    Life is a passion that must be lived. And passion is never appreciated if it isn’t accompanied by some pain. Otherwise we take it for granted, and it ceases to be a passion of ours.

    That’s what wishing away trials and realities do for us. It robs us of our passion, and turns us into meek victims waiting for life to treat us kinder.

    Rise above it. Live passionately. Love deeply. And don’t waste life away worrying about could’ve and should’ve.

    Make every moment count.

  • Build your village

    Build your village

    We’re bombarded every day with messages that try to convince us to put ourselves first.

    To protect ourselves from being taken for granted.

    To demand our rights.

    To claim our voice.

    To claim our space.

    And yes, all of that is important. But…

    What about what we’re required to contribute?

    Who reminds us of our responsibilities before they remind us to claim our rights?

    Or to make space for others in our lives before we demand that they make space for us?

    Weakness is born in the belief that if we don’t take care of ourselves, no one else will.

    Again, while that may have some truth in it, it also entrenches the belief that we must receive before we can give.

    It focuses our attention on threats, rather than opportunities to create something new and amazing.

    It convinces us that there must be something in it for us, before we are willing to act selflessly towards benefiting others.

    Individualism has robbed us of the beauty of belonging to a village. We need to build that village before we can hope to take comfort from what it offers.

    Give, create, contribute. Not because you need something in return, but because it is a sincere expression of who you are.

  • Turning pain into beauty

    Turning pain into beauty

    Shortly after I published my novel, An Incomplete Love Story, I remember asking if I finally had permission to post romantic, or mushy stuff. The responses were entertaining and generally positive.

    The most common question I get is whether it is based on true life, or is it fiction. Suffice to say it’s a dumbed down version of true life, because as they say, life is often stranger than fiction.

    Besides, where would be the fun if you knew for certain what in the novel is true and what is from my imagination?

    There are people reading this who still cannot believe that I am capable of romance. The bewildered look on their faces will always be a source of entertainment for me.

    Don’t allow the opinions of others to limit what you allow yourself to explore as self-expression, or as life goals.

    Here’s a piece I wrote a year ago.

    “It is my grasp on the subtlety of beauty, or the hints of romance that breathe between her pauses and between her aches that horror has imposed. My subject of beauty focused on the horror, while I, in my romantic notions, caress with care the breaths and the pauses, seeing in her the divine where she only sees the pain.”

    Perhaps this will find its way into the sequel of my novel.

    Perhaps the sequel may never be written.

    Time will tell…since time holds the secrets to many joys that I hope to encounter in life.

    When reading the above snippet, don’t only think of someone else. Consider that this may be how someone sees you, while you’re focused on the heartache and pain from your past.

    And that’s what is important. Sometimes we’re so fixated on the pain, that we don’t realise what beauty it has unearthed within us.

    Until we do, we’ll always honour the pain, and neglect our beauty.

  • Release the bitterness

    Release the bitterness

    I often wonder how much good is denied to the world when love stories remain incomplete?

    We often see quotes reminding us that the next great discovery could be in the mind of a child labourer stuck working in a field.

    Similarly, how much beauty is wasted when treasured bonds are abandoned for reasons other than what exists between them? Beauty of which the world is in desperate need.

    Just as beauty is born of love, so too is bitterness born of loss.

    I wonder what of the troubles of this world is caused by broken hearts, rather than wilful greed?

    It is the sense of loss, or inadequacy in the eyes of those most cherished, that our worst behaviour comes to the fore.

    But there is value even in that.

    If not for still holding on to hope, such an expression of rage or harm would not have any purpose.

    It is only when we still have hope of our pain being consequential that we choose to share our discontent with the world.

    Therefore, it is not the raging lunatic that is most hurt, but the silent one who has no hope of being seen.

    Sometimes their silence is the build up to the storm of destruction that they need to unleash in their final attempt to be heard.

    But often, it’s the abandonment of dreams that perhaps the world really needed.

  • Make space for peace

    Make space for peace

    Don’t go searching for peace.

    Get rid of the noise and peace will find its way to you.

    When you find yourself in darkness, it doesn’t help to try to contain the darkness, does it? Instead, we go in search of a means to create l light.

    Similarly, when you’re desiring peace, you need to understand what is robbing you of that peace and focus on resolving that, rather than trying to wish it away by yearning for peace only.

    Think about it. Does it help to go on a journey to get rid of baggage if you’re packing the baggage with you for the trip?

    That’s why we must take time to recognise what we’re holding onto that brings us discomfort or anguish, so that we can stop investing energy in it.

    Remember, it’s not always someone or something that we need to let go of, it’s often how we perceive them, or it, that needs to change.

    That’s part of letting go of the noise that doesn’t serve us well so that we can create space for peace in our lives.

    Always remind yourself that the opinion that you formed about yourself, or about someone else, was done at a different time in your life, and theirs.

    If you can allow yourself to outgrow bad ways, don’t you owe it to others to allow them the same kindness?

    And if you’re still judging yourself by a mistake from a different time in your life, then you have yet to understand the true meaning of kindness and compassion.

    If you’re grappling with such a challenge, I can assist you to change the narrative of your life for the better. Reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and let’s get the conversation started.