Tag: selfworth

  • Gratitude spawns respect

    Gratitude spawns respect

    Disrespect is often followed by discipline, or some other form of consequence management.

    While there is a need to correct bad behaviour, we can either spend our lives correcting that behaviour, or we can recognise that it’s a symptom of something else.

    That something else is the absence of gratitude.

    No. Not gratitude for what we have. Because that’s the other mistake we make.

    When we consider what we’re grateful for, we look around us, but rarely within.

    This is true for all humans, children and adults alike.

    Disrespect is a form of anger.

    Anger is a defence mechanism used to demand significance when we feel insignificant.

    Respond to the anger, and you lose sight of why there is insignificance.

    Just like responding to the disrespect only will cause you to lose sight of the absence of gratitude within the one who is behaving disrespectfully.

    That ingratitude is based on the belief that we’re not good enough. And we believe we’re not good enough only when we don’t value who we are, and what benefit others obtain from our contribution or our presence.

    Remember, you cannot nurture something that you’re not aware of.

    That’s why we take ourselves and others for granted, and end up being dismissive, disrespectful, or abusive, because we lost sight of the good within us, or them. Or both.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock



  • Grow, from unexpected places

    Grow, from unexpected places

    If you don’t like what someone has to say about you, make sure you’re not rejecting it because of who’s saying it.

    The truth about us is often spoken by our enemies, regardless of their motivation to do so.

    Growth is often experienced at the hands of those we hold in contempt.

    When you surround yourself with people that make you feel good about who you are, it’s inevitable that the ones to call you out when you’re wrong will be outside of that circle.

    But that’s where the greatest potential for growth lies.

    Growth is possible with those who see our actions for what they are, not for what it is within the context of how they know us to be.

    As sincere and well-meaning as loved ones can be, they’re not always good for growth because their affection or unwavering loyalty prevents them from seeing our blind spots.

    Try to maintain a healthy balance of critics in your life.

    Photo credit: Naadirah Ismail (using my awesome Huawei P20 Pro)

  • Be true about seeking truth

    Be true about seeking truth

    If you’re sincere about seeking the truth, you won’t be distracted by the source or tone through which it arrives.

    The truth is only harsh if you’re not willing to accept it.

    The harshness enters when we need to hear something more palatable or pleasant about ourselves because we need the validation that says that we’re not so bad.

    But that’s the problem right there.

    We use the truth to judge ourselves instead of grow, that’s why it feels harsh.

    If we embrace it, we embrace growth, and growth is never bad, except for the people that you sometimes leave behind because they don’t want to grow with you.

    Don’t let that stop you, because when they do decide to grow on their own, they’ll leave you behind.

    That’s why you need to own your life, and create opportunities for others to own theirs.

  • Make space for peace

    Make space for peace

    Don’t go searching for peace.

    Get rid of the noise and peace will find its way to you.

    When you find yourself in darkness, it doesn’t help to try to contain the darkness, does it? Instead, we go in search of a means to create l light.

    Similarly, when you’re desiring peace, you need to understand what is robbing you of that peace and focus on resolving that, rather than trying to wish it away by yearning for peace only.

    Think about it. Does it help to go on a journey to get rid of baggage if you’re packing the baggage with you for the trip?

    That’s why we must take time to recognise what we’re holding onto that brings us discomfort or anguish, so that we can stop investing energy in it.

    Remember, it’s not always someone or something that we need to let go of, it’s often how we perceive them, or it, that needs to change.

    That’s part of letting go of the noise that doesn’t serve us well so that we can create space for peace in our lives.

    Always remind yourself that the opinion that you formed about yourself, or about someone else, was done at a different time in your life, and theirs.

    If you can allow yourself to outgrow bad ways, don’t you owe it to others to allow them the same kindness?

    And if you’re still judging yourself by a mistake from a different time in your life, then you have yet to understand the true meaning of kindness and compassion.

    If you’re grappling with such a challenge, I can assist you to change the narrative of your life for the better. Reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and let’s get the conversation started.

  • Discover your why

    Discover your why

    Flipped open the book to a random page and found this.

    I don’t think there is anything that drives us towards anger or happiness more than this single principle.

    Understanding it within the context of our lives is crucial towards achieving fulfilment in our relationships.

    “We must believe that we matter, that our presence is of consequence to the outcome of a greater good, or else we wither away in isolation or irrelevance.”

    This is at the heart of misery and joy.

    The fear of being inconsequential is what drives both, the most passionate embrace and the most despicable behaviour.

    If you don’t understand how this drives or affects you, you’ll be prone to emotional highs and lows that will leave you exhausted or depressed without knowing why.

    Reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183, and let’s figure out your why…
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    Image : page 37 of Own Your Sh!t

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  • Don’t just survive

    Don’t just survive

    I see too many people that take pride in being a survivor, which in itself is not unhealthy.

    It becomes unhealthy when that act of survival defines them for the rest of their lives.

    Don’t allow a traumatic event, or an abusive relationship to define you beyond the immediate act of surviving it.

    You are capable of so much more than that.

    Existence is a consequence of simply being, whereas life is a consequence of choice.

    I have always chosen to live, rather than to exist.

    Simply existing means responding to what comes your way rather than defining your own path.

    The same is true with survival.

    We must recognise that the act of survival is to overcome a specific event, or events. It is not a permanent state.

    Living is much larger and more fulfilling than that.

    You owe yourself more than just survival.

    You owe yourself a fulfilling and rewarding life.

    Own it.

  • Fanning our rage

    Fanning our rage

    Fear is driven by need.

    The moment we give up on the need, the fear subsides.

    Our need to be significant to those who are significant to us drives most of the fears that may fan our rage at the world.

    But only for as long as we still have hope that there is a chance for us to be significant to them.

    When we give up on achieving that status in their lives, the fear subsides and gives way to an emptiness that carries with it no energy at all.

    That emptiness feels like peace after a lifetime of struggle. But only until we realise that when that peace entered, hope departed.

    Thus, the dulling of the soul begins.

    Quietly receding, carefully subduing, and slowly disappearing from the lives of those we once courted.

    Until, eventually, we successfully fade from our own life.

    Some see it as a cowardly surrender. Or perhaps a convenient choice.

    If only it was convenient to be invisible, more would choose that over self destruction, or suicide.

    When we stop paying attention to those who seek us out, we surround ourselves with those we seek instead.

    If we don’t find a balance between the two, we’ll find the isolation that accompanies being both, looking for a place to belong, but finding none.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • You can’t wish away your struggle

    You can’t wish away your struggle

    Wishing it’s a sunny day when it’s raining is not going to make the sun come out.

    Therefore, leaving your umbrella behind is an act of foolishness, not optimism.

    A positive mindset can often lead us into delusional states.

    When our overbearing sense of deliberate positivity doesn’t produce results, it crushes our spirit even more than before we started.

    Keep it real.

    Positivity is about focusing on opportunities, not about wishing away reality.

    Whispering to the universe, if not followed by real and decisive action, will remain nothing more than a whisper.

    Positivity doesn’t only attract positivity, it also attracts the negative ones who are in need of positivity.

    If you don’t recognise this, you’ll struggle to reconcile why your efforts at being positive still yield negative results.

    You attract what others need, not what you are.

    If nothing else, let that be the grounding point for your sanity.