I’ve often advised someone about something that I truly believed them to be capable of achieving, and the response I received was, “Not everyone is like you!”
Henry Ford said, “If you think you can, or you think you can’t, you’re right.”
Sadly, too many think that they can’t, and then blame the world for the state in which they find themselves.
But why would someone willingly put themselves down, or sell themselves short?
Did I hear you say fear of failure? No. That’s what we see, and often what they feel on the surface.
Dig a little deeper and you’ll realise that failure is such a threat because it threatens to reduce our significance among those who are important to us.
It’s the threat of insignificance through being incompetent or unsuccessful that fills us with the fear of failure.
But, we must always remember that fear is only the response to what we’re assuming is the probable outcome of our efforts.
In other words, when we’re convinced that we won’t be able to accomplish something, or we have doubts about achieving it, the assumptions that we’ve made is what we’re focused on. Hence the feeling of dread or fear when we contemplate the future outcome.
Hence the fear of failure.
The important question to consider is therefore not if we’re capable of achieving that goal, but rather why is our feeling of significance as a person defined by our level of success?
And before you say it’s because people judge you as a failure if you don’t accomplish things the way you’re expected to, the next question you should be asking is why does the judgement of others define your self-worth more than your opinion of yourself?
People’s opinions will only weigh you down if you give them permission to do so.
Talking about permission, when was the last time you gave yourself permission to learn from your failures instead of judging yourself for failing?
#optimisticquotes #mentalhealth #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourlife #theegosystem #embracingME #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism
Tag: selflove
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What are you waiting for?
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The need to be godly
Godliness, like humility, is lost the moment we lay claim to it.
It is something that we may exhibit in our conduct or demeanour, but not something that we can directly claim.
It is our ability to manifest the attributes of the divine in our character and in our treatment of others without wanting to appear pious or godly in our approach.
The need to claim such attributes of godliness reflects the insecurity that we feel about our standing among those around us.
The moment we’re focused on how we appear to others, we begin to lose ourselves to their validation.
Similarly, the moment we claim godliness, we lose ourselves to arrogance.
And arrogance is only required to compensate for our insecurities. It is a mask to hide our shame, or to claim our needs because we believe that we’re not significant enough for others to want to care about what we need from them.
That’s why we take, instead of waiting to be offered. Or why we insult or demean rather than advising sincerely.
It’s all a means towards demanding that our virtues be acknowledged because we feel unappreciated by those we care about the most.
If you don’t appreciate who you are, in the absence of validation from others, how can you expect others to appreciate you?
Gratitude begets sincerity, and sincerity fosters brotherhood. Or sisterhood. And claiming divinity or godliness has no place at all.
#compassion #sincerity #authenticity #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourlife #theegosystem #forgiveness #rewards #lifecoaching #zaidismail -
We’re all searching for home
Remember, at some point someone also looked at you in your childhood and thought, “Damn, is this what the future looks like for humanity?”
Our children have the best of us and the worst of us, and somewhere between those ends they form their own unique character.
If you hope to understand them, you need to begin by understanding yourself.
The same way that you didn’t raise yourself, neither did they.
Therefore, when looking for answers about their behaviour, there is no reason to look any further than the people who have the greatest influence in their lives, their parents, or those fulfilling such parental roles.
And if you’re a single parent, don’t assume that absent parents don’t hold such influence.
Often, they hold more influence than the one who stuck around.
Dealing with the influence of a problematic parent who is present is easier than figuring out the impact of the parent who is absent.
Either way, understanding is more important than judging.
Children behave badly when they struggle to find an emotionally safe space for themselves in this world.
Understanding how this manifests in their behaviour is the secret to raising an adult with a healthy self-esteem, or a troubled child in an adult’s body with adult privilege.
And don’t forget that you’re raising an adult, not a child.
So speak to the human behind that bad behaviour and don’t only focus on correcting, through discipline and consequence management, the bad behaviour.
If you only focus on discipline, you’ll lose the human and repeat the cycle of the problematic parent who themselves also continue to struggle for their place in this world.
#parenting #children #understanding #absentparents #teenagers #teens #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail -
Live life. Really, live it.
How do you cheat life? You focus on what you don’t have, instead of what you can give.
We’re hard-wired, even before birth, to create something bigger than who we are.
We need to be part of something that gives us a sense of belonging or significance.
Anything that will convince us that our existence is not inconsequential inspires us to invest our time and energy in its pursuit.
Time and energy is simply life.
Both are limited in supply, but so abundant, that we take it for granted until it is taken away without notice, by which time it’s too late to appreciate it.
Living with conviction and loving with sincerity is only possible when we have gratitude for who we are and what we are capable of creating in the lives of those around us.
Sadly, too often we hide behind masks and facades to protect ourselves from being hurt. That’s how we create the self-fulfilling prophecies that hurt us the most.
When we interact with those close to us from behind our masks, we not only deny them the true beauty of who we are, we also deny ourselves the beauty of their responses to the side of us that they otherwise would not have experienced.
In the same way, we deny ourselves the side of them that we believe to be true, but that they don’t feel safe enough to reveal to us.
And all this life is wasted out of fear of being true to ourselves because we fear being rejected or ridiculed.
In other words, we have yet to accept ourselves, but we hold others accountable for accepting us first.
That’s how conviction is abandoned, and love is lost.
#authenticity #conviction #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism -
Who goes first?
If you find yourself among people who constantly demand that you give without receiving, or love without expressing affection in return, guard your soul.
As much as we wish to fill the cups of others with goodness in this world, we must not deplete our own in the process.
By indulging such selfishness from others, you enable and encourage them to continue denying themselves the same peace that is elusive to you.
When we focus on how the bad behaviour of others is harming themselves, rather than only focusing on how it harms us, we take a huge step closer to breaking the cycle of harm instead of just challenging the behaviour.
The same way in which we’d love for someone to correct us when we don’t realise that we’re wrong because we don’t want to deliberately harm others, we must consider that someone behaving badly may not realise the impact of their actions.
But, unless we’re connected with true gratitude about who we are, we’ll feel attacked long before we try to understand the struggle of others.
Focus on building yourself up, so that you may be able to build up those around you.
If everyone is going to wait for everyone else to make the first gesture, we’ll all sit back believing we’re victims of each other, while not realising that we’re victims of our own self-worth.
#selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #abusiverelationships #badmarriage #selfishlove #lifecoaching #zaidismail -
You give what you have
What we believe is true about ourselves is what we are capable of offering to others.
Nothing more.
Nothing less.
You cannot give what you don’t have.
The day you realise this is the day you’ll see the fears and weaknesses that drives others to behave badly towards you.
It was never about you.
It’s always about reflecting who they are.
If you lack self respect, it will be difficult to respect others.
If you don’t appreciate what you have, you won’t express gratitude towards others.
If you are dishonest with yourself about who you truly are, you’ll struggle to trust the sincerity of others.
And so it continues.
The way we see ourselves is what informs our behaviour and interactions with the world.
The more threatened we feel, the more aggressive we will be.
The next time you see someone behaving badly, don’t judge them harshly, understand what they’re saying about how they value themselves, or how valued they feel by you.
Then, respond to their underlying vulnerability in a reassuring way, rather than always reacting to their bad behaviour.
Break the cycle.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #ownyourshit #ownyourlife #theegosystem #integrity #introspection #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery -
What are you waiting for?
When we find ourselves waiting for just the right moment, or that right feeling, or the perfect setting, or the ideal opportunity to present itself before we do something, we’re afraid of failure.
If we know, with understanding and rational thought, why we are not ready for something, that’s different.
When we have no real reason to put something off but we hesitate and make excuses, that’s when we’re not yet convinced about the value in what we want to do, or our ability to be successful at it.
Looking for reason without deliberate effort or purpose is how we pacify ourselves in our efforts to avoid failure.
When we focus on the value that we wish to create, and we accept that we are always learning something new even in spaces where we are very confident about our abilities, we will find the conviction to take action rather than to avoid failure.
The only reason failure weighs down on us so much is because we are defined by how others may judge us.
If you find yourself in such a head space, you need to reflect on why the opinions of others are more important than your opinion of yourself.
Improve your opinion of yourself, and it will be easier to take advice, learn from your mistakes, and grow from failure.
Own your life, or else someone else will.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selflove #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #motivation #optimism #ownyourlife -
What’s your legacy?
Live to love, to laugh, and to leave a legacy.
It is only through truly appreciating who we are, that we will be able to leave an imprint of love in the hearts of those we cherish.
Until we connect with that gratitude of self, our efforts will put smiles in the hearts of others, while our own faces carry smiles that barely reach our eyes.
Without such gratitude, our laughter will be nothing more than an attempt to release, in that moment, the heaviness that we harbour within.
And our legacy will be one of sacrifice and martyrdom, teaching our loved ones to sacrifice themselves in the service of others, while not teaching them how to connect with the sweetness of such service.
Material success is only a blessing if it uplifts, rather than enslaves.
Wealth that enslaves is the wealth that strokes our ego but deprives us of the joy of human connection, or denies us the bonds of beauty that feed our souls.
Laughter should not be sourced from a business deal that outwitted our opponents.
Such laughter will mock us in our later years when we realise that our fascination with wealth was merely a drop in the ocean of joy compared to the joy that we could have achieved in investing our incredible talents to brighten up the faces of loved ones, or even strangers.
Wealth is a means to an end. Don’t get so caught up in the means that you completely lose sight of your end.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selflove #love #laughter #joy #optimism #inspiration #leavealegacy #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself
