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Are you who you think you are?
Most people see themselves through someone else’s eyes, without ever realising it. Without exception, whenever we judge ourselves harshly, it’s because we’re measuring our worth based on what we think someone else will think of us rather than what we think of ourselves. That someone else is most often a parent or significant other. And…
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Are you there for you?
We’re more inclined to recognise the needs of the weak, than we are of the strong. Without meaning to, we diminish the humanness of those who persevere without complaint, because they often make it look so easy. When we’re the strong ones persevering without complaint, we risk diminishing our own humanness as well, because we…
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Destroying peace to find peace
Rage is a destructive demand for significance when we believe that who we are is not enough to be important to those we love. The anger that spurs on the rage is a defence mechanism to protect ourselves from becoming invisible. We try, in our own little futile ways, to be enough without being able…
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Do you matter to you?
To be of consequence, or to feel significant, lies at the heart of our inspiration to accomplish anything. When we connect with conviction to the significance of who we are, and what value we add to the lives of others, we achieve a sense of peace and contentment. But, when we doubt this, we set…
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Emotional wellbeing, not mental health
It is only through our internal wars that we lose sight of reality. The culture of labeling people dehumanises the very human that is struggling with their humanness. We focus on our demons so intently, that we become defined by them, bearing them patiently in quiet shame, protecting ourselves from being exposed for what we…
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Do what’s right, or else…
When raised with fear and compliance as the tool to ensure good behaviour, or religious subscription, we create validation-seeking individuals whose willingness to compromise on what is right will be driven by social acceptance. Instilling values in our children, or living by our own values, must be grounded in a substantial appreciation for why it…
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‘Sorry’ isn’t the hardest part
The only thing worse than an insincere apology is the apology that is offered with a demand that it be accepted. The most important part of an apology is not that it is made, but that it is authentic. Not just sincere. Authentic. If an apology is limited to a text message, or a few…
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That self-loathing demon
Ingratitude for the self is reflected in how much time we spend self-loathing. But self-loathing is disguised in many creative ways. The above list of 10 common points is only the tip of the iceberg. Self-loathing is rarely, if ever, a result of our current circumstances, and almost always a result of how we felt…