Category: Life Coaching

  • Demand more…of yourself

    Demand more…of yourself

    Unless you believe that you are capable of achieving more, you will always hold on to less.

    That belief is more about feeling worthy than it is about ability.

    Sometimes, we look at how our best efforts were received and assume that the negative outcomes bear testament to the value that we have to offer.

    We then find reason to withhold our contribution in future without pausing to consider that perhaps we invested our efforts in someone who wasn’t ready to value what we shared.

    But, it’s never that simple, is it?

    Often, we continue to invest because we believe in the untapped beauty or value that we see in them.

    It is that belief that anchors us in the ‘if only’ and ‘what if’ scenarios that play out in our heads, while blinding our hearts from the beauty that awaits if only we invested our efforts more wisely.

    At such times, we must look to those who see our beauty, rather than fixating on those who deny their own.

    It’s the only way to break the cycle that diminishes our contribution towards creating joy in our lives, and in the lives of those around us.

  • Depression is not an illness

    Depression is not an illness

    I realise that this is a highly contentious point. But we must recognise the elephant in the room before we are able to deal with it.

    The myth that depression is an illness causes more harm than the good it’s intended to achieve.

    Depression is the absence of hope. Preceding that is the saturation of failed expectations from those we consider significant in our lives.

    Like happiness, depression is not a choice. But, also like happiness, depression is an outcome of the collective choices that we make.

    The more aware we are of those choices, and importantly the consequences of those choices, the more consciously we are able to make decisions to break the cycles that result from those choices.

    The moment we label a human experience as an illness or a disorder, we create victims rather than masters of our emotional experience, thereby disempowering us in our efforts to rise above the unpleasant experiences of our lives.

    Depression is not an illness. It is a legitimate human experience in response to bad experiences in life.

    When we begin to recognise this, it becomes possible to reconnect with our humanity, rather than to surrender to an imagined illness.

  • Do more than survive

    Do more than survive

    Those who respect your victim-hood do so because it makes them feel better about themselves.

    They either feel more accomplished, or they find comfort in the familiarity of your struggle.

    Sometimes it gives them purpose in their need to uplift others so that their lives feel more fulfilled.

    Whether their intentions are good or not is not what’s important. The important point is that neither prompts you to rise above being a victim.

    Those who support you in your moments of weakness or need but also encourage you to rise above it are the ones to cherish.

    Before you take offence to what I’m saying, you need to realise that you’re only a victim when you allow the oppression of others to define your self worth, and to dictate your effort towards establishing a life worth living.

    The moment you own your life and rise above the impact of that oppression, you’re no longer a victim, you’re a fighter! Not a survivor!

    As long as you focus on surviving, you’re still defined by the moment of your oppression, even though you may have freed yourself from it.

    Be more than the struggles of your life. It’s possible, and beautifully rewarding.

    Photo credit : Naadirah Ismail

  • Don’t sell yourself short

    Don’t sell yourself short

    When you surrender your principles in exchange for affection, you give others permission to demand compromises rather than create understanding.

    Worse than this, when you make such a compromise, you undermine your worth in the relationship by giving up what you believe in, not because you changed your beliefs, but because you wanted to be accepted.

    Instead of upholding your truth, you settle for inclusion by those who don’t subscribe to your truth.

    After some time, when the price of that inclusion begins to take its toll, you’ll find yourself adrift without your principles to anchor you, and with the realisation that they never really accepted you in the first place.

    How could they if you didn’t reveal to them the truth of who you were?

    That’s when life feels empty or burdensome, and anger becomes the tool through which we demand our significance in those relationships because we were hoping that at some point they would see our sacrifice and appreciate us for it, only to discover that our sacrifice was never important to begin with.

    That anger is not always directed at those who didn’t appreciate us. Often, it’s directed at ourselves for not being good enough.

    Think carefully before you compromise who you are just so that you can fit in. Every compromise comes at a cost. Be sure that you’re willing to pay the cost before you lose yourself in the process.

  • Fear breeds sadness

    Fear breeds sadness

    Fear creates more sadness than heartbreak ever will.

    Fear keeps us anchored in a moment that has long since passed.

    Fear convinces us that we need to be protected from what we previously experienced, while distracting us from the wisdom and strength that we gained from that experience.

    Fear prompts us to look for signs and evidence that what we fear may once again be approaching, and distracts us from the signs and evidence that what we hope for is within reach.

    Like everything that destroys, fear requires little effort because it is a self-sustaining cycle.

    Hope, on the feet hand, requires courage.

    Hope demands that we reconnect with who we are before that last bitter encounter.

    Hope is not for the meek. When we succumb to fear, the meek prevail and life loses its sweetness.



  • Understanding misunderstanding

    Understanding misunderstanding

    When we find that, despite our sincerest efforts, we continue to be misunderstood, consider that perhaps we need to focus on understanding instead.

    Understanding becomes difficult when we’re gripped with the desperation of needing others to understand how important something is to us.

    That desperation is often driven by fear, or self pity, rather than conviction. And it’s fed by a belief that they simply don’t realise how important it is.

    If we’re not careful, this is how we become the architects of our own misery, or the result of our own self-fulfilling prophecy.

    The greater our emotional investment, the more likely we are to contaminate that space with fear or self pity.

    Creating space for understanding is the most important thing you can do to avoid a potential lifetime of regret.

  • Fear or hope? Choose wisely

    Fear or hope? Choose wisely

    Fear drives us towards protecting ourselves from a difficult past, while convincing us that we’re investing in a better future.

    If we were truly investing in the future, fear of the past repeating itself would not feature in our efforts towards growth and new beginnings.

    It is fear that manifests as illness or disease in our bodies, before any external threat overcomes us.

    Fear robs us of what we have in the present moment.

    When the present moment is lost, the future becomes a mirror into the past.

    The cycle of fear is perpetuated as we find evidence of the past threatening to contaminate the future…and so the spiral continues until either it breaks, or we do.

    When fear drives us, we look for, and find evidence that confirms our fears.

    When we look for evidence that invalidates the fear, we’ll find reason to forge ahead with hope and courage, recognising that harbouring hope is already confirmation of our courage to rise above the fear.

    What will you choose today?













  • Don’t be a martyr

    Don’t be a martyr

    We act out of duty rather than conviction when the guilty martyr in us triumphs over our courage to be true to ourselves, and just to our souls.

    It is our focus on how we wish to be perceived, or how we need to meet expectations, that distracts us from our self-worth and conviction, and redirects us towards compliance aimed at earning inclusion.

    The problem is, when inclusion is claimed at such a price, we inevitably exclude peace and fulfilment from that effort.

    It is that exclusion of peace and fulfilment that leads us to believe that such sacrifices are noble in order to achieve salvation, or validation.

    What we lose sight of is that our unique contribution…our unique beauty that we are able to share with the world is also sacrificed in the process, leaving the world lacking in the very essence of what drives us towards such distractions.

    Choosing your own path does not mean exclusion. It means choosing your rules of engagement with the world around you.

    If everyone conforms to their assumptions of what is expected of them, rather than contributing what they believe to be sincere and true value, who will be the beacons of inspiration for the generations to come when the purpose of such conformance is lost in the rituals that it spawned?