Tag: ownyourlife

  • Own your demons

    Own your demons

    When faced with the brutal aggression or harshness from another, it’s easy to convince ourselves that they treat us that way because of how they feel about us.

    Unless we’ve done something to specifically provoke them by treating them in a way that undermines their dignity or the trust that they placed in us, their behaviour is not because of who we are to them, but rather because of what we represent from their past.

    The victim rarely expresses their rage at an overwhelming aggressor, so such rage builds up until they find a safe space in which to release it.

    That safe space is someone who they can control or subdue. Someone who reminds them of their inadequacy which sends them into a blind rage to want to protect themselves from ever feeling inadequate again.

    Because that’s what anger is. That’s what rage does. It’s a defence against being vulnerable, or feeling abused, neglected, or taken for granted.

    Recognising these signs in others will save you the anguish of questioning your self worth, and more importantly, it will save others from becoming the outlet of the rage that builds up within you because of the ill treatment that you received at the hands of someone else’s demons.

    Break the cycle, beloved. Breathe. Take stock. And reclaim your voice that was surrendered to the angry battles that were not of your doing.

    If you’re struggling to reconcile your experiences at the hands of a troubled soul, or if you’re trying to understand the source of the rage that threatens to destroy everything good in your life, reach out and let’s work through it together.

    Contact me via WhatsApp on +27836599183 or via my website at zaidismail.com and together we can create the life that you’ve always wanted.

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  • The pain of being empty

    The pain of being empty

    When we’re overcome with the pain of betrayal, or loss, our focus is often on what we no longer have, rather than the gaping hole that it left in our soul.

    We try to reconcile the events or the mysteries that led up to that moment when what we cherished was suddenly taken.

    Sometimes taken by fate, but at other times taken by force.

    We feel violated when we’re left vacant. When the space we once reserved for one we cherished was abandoned without reason, or for all the wrong reasons.

    When the reasons are easily overcome, if only they’d be willing to overcome it with us.

    When we see in them what they refuse to see in themselves.

    Or when they give up hope for what they need from fear of losing it, again. So they protect themselves from us, not because of who we are, but because of how they were betrayed before us.

    That’s when we need to sit quietly with that gaping hole and find in it the peace that absence promises. It’s a peace found in the absence of expectation, or in the presence of calm.

    But calm is elusive when we’re fighting to get back what is not ours to claim. That’s when pain sets in. That’s when the gaping hole becomes a suffocating mess, rather than a passing anguish.

    Be still, beloved. Be composed. Be at peace knowing that the best of you will never be good enough for those who are not good enough for themselves.

    Their demons are your pain only because you see the beauty that they never tasted.

    Don’t give up that beauty because of their bitter tongue. Their bitterness is theirs to savour, and yours to abandon. Breathe…

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  • Trading your future for your past

    Trading your future for your past

    How much of life is wasted trying to reconcile the bad experiences of the past?

    For every moment that we spend dwelling on an injustice or oppression against us in the past, we impose an injustice and oppression on ourselves and others in the present moment.

    The present moment is what takes care of the future. That’s why we have much hopelessness and little inspiration to create a beautiful life for ourselves.

    When beauty appears, we are more inclined to reminisce about how it was lost or destroyed in the past, so we focus on protecting ourselves from such pain in the future, by discarding the beauty of the present moment.

    When the present moment is lost to the bad experiences of the past, we effectively trade our future for the pain of the past.

    That’s how life slips by while we watch from the sidelines waiting for justice.

    Waiting for fairness.

    Waiting to be appreciated.

    Waiting to be seen.

    Waiting for happiness.

    Waiting…stop waiting beloved. The same way you were able to create beauty amidst the horror, you are capable of creating beauty from the ashes of the life you once invested in.

    You were the source of that beauty, not them.

    Breathe, beloved. Breathe…exhale the toxins of who they were, and inhale the hope of the beauty that you are still capable of creating.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Surrender to servitude

    Surrender to servitude

    We all want to be significant because of who we are. This is what defines our place or sense of belonging in this world.

    When we find reason to believe that we are not enough, we convince ourselves that we will only ever be valued for what we can do.

    That’s when we stop trying to make our mark by being true to ourselves, and instead become defined by our efforts to excel at what we do.

    When this mindset sets in, we actively seek opportunities to serve, or to be recognised for our accomplishments, and not for our humanness.

    This is how we dull our spirit, settle for being invisible, and deny the world our unique contribution of who we are because we convince ourselves that it doesn’t matter. That we don’t matter. That all that matters is what we can do for others on their terms because what we want will always be too much for those around us.

    Nothing could be further from the truth. But we’ll only truly matter when we learn to appreciate ourselves despite the rejection or betrayal that we may face from those around us.

    Each time we subdue our spirit, we give others permission to take us for granted. That’s how we give up the sweetness of life.

    [This is an Incomplete thought process, but one I believe to be worth sharing]

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock


  • To tell your story

    To tell your story

    Sometimes, we grow obsessed with finding a receptive heart to appreciate the story of who we are.

    It’s a story that we cherish so dearly that just the thought of placing it in careless hands is frightening.

    It becomes a weight that we carry within us, keeping us anchored to moments long gone, but moments that we dare not forget.

    Such moments grow to define us well beyond its occurrence, holding us back from creating new moments of joy.

    That’s what we lose sight of most. Holding onto the weight of the past prevents us from rising up once more.

    When we tell our story, even if whispering it to the wind, we give our thoughts and emotions a form and a space that allows us to see it beyond the fear and the shame that shrouded it within us.

    We allow ourselves to finally see ourselves beyond the wounds that we thought would forever define our place in this world, because finally, we allow ourselves to see the old version of who we were, through the eyes of the current version of who we are.

    But we must be sure to be looking at ourselves through our own eyes. The moment we find ourselves judging that older version of who we were, or even who we are now, we’re not looking at ourselves through our own eyes. We’re looking at ourselves through the eyes of those whose validation we’ve been chasing for so long.

    Breathe beloved, and look at yourself with kindness and understanding, not with the harshness or intolerance that defined the bitterness of others.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock


  • Uniquely you

    Uniquely you

    When trying to fit in feels burdensome or overwhelming, it may be time to consider that you were created for a purpose greater than just imitating the behaviour of others.

    Recognising the uniqueness of who we are becomes difficult if we spend our lives focused on meeting the expectations of others in the hope that we will be accepted.

    When we withhold our uniqueness from fear of being ridiculed or rejected, we also deny others the opportunity to experience what is unique about us.

    Striking a balance between being true to ourselves and finding a space for ourselves in this world is therefore important.

    Claiming our space without consideration for how it is received undermines the value that we hope to create in the lives of others.

    It’s through sharing our uniqueness with that of others that we are able to create a new beautiful whole, whereas fitting in with everyone else only maintains the status quo.

    Joy is found in striking a balance between being true to your uniqueness, while creating space in your life for the uniqueness of another.

    Be true to yourself, but always be purposeful, and authentic.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • The struggle of faith

    The struggle of faith

    It is our belief in the value of something that drives us towards fighting to protect it.

    We cherish that which we appreciate, and we appreciate that which we value.

    Call it conviction in the value of the outcome, or belief in the beauty of its truth. Whatever it is, it is that unwavering faith in what we cherish as a truth that spawns the trials that we face when protecting or defending that truth.

    As is often said, when you stand for nothing, you’ll fall for anything. What isn’t said often enough is that when you stand for something, you’ll be plagued by everything that is threatened by what you stand for.

    Such is the burden of faith.

    Whether it is faith in the divine, or faith in the beauty of creation, faith compels us to protect and nurture that which we hold dear.

    For those who lack such faith, destroying or abusing what we cherish goes unnoticed, leaving us to contend with the destruction they leave in the path of their obliviousness.

    We contend with their destruction because of our faith in the value of what they threaten to destroy.

    Thus, holding on to that faith becomes the trial itself, when letting go holds the promise of ease from those struggles.

    But ease itself holds no value if it leaves a gaping hole where we once had fulfilment or joy.

    That’s why we hold on to faith. Not because we are afraid of letting go, but because we are afraid of feeling empty, or unfulfilled, after having felt, even for a brief moment, complete.



  • All that matters is right now…

    All that matters is right now…

    Reminiscing about the good old days becomes a toxic trait when it distracts us from what we have now.

    Our distracted state is what causes us to lose sight of what we have, so that at some future point, we may once more reminisce about what was.

    Such an indulgence, when done in excess, convinces us that the best is over, leaving the future barren, with no inclination on our part to find opportunity for new growth, and greater joys.

    Gratitude about the present moment is a result of appreciating what the past has contributed towards what we have, while reflecting on this inspires us about the possibility of what is to come.

    At some point, we need to realise that this moment, right now, is the past that will create our present moment in the future.

    Think about it. We’re so busy thinking of how good things once were, that we don’t realise that all we’re doing is giving ourselves reason to sit at some point in the future contemplating how much of our past was spent reminiscing about the past that came before that.

    Sounds ludicrous? It is, because that’s how ludicrous it is when we abandon the future because we chose to hold on to the bitterness of the past.

    The past, no matter how bad, does not dictate what the future holds. It only ever gives us a point of reference as to how much better things can be, and should be.

    Breathe, beloved…breathe…and release the toxins of the past with every exhalation, so that you create space for the promise of joy that the future holds.