Tag: ownyourlife

  • Choose better

    Choose better

    We choose what we take from life.

    Understanding those choices is therefore key to finding peace, or joy.

    Our choices, even though sometimes painful, are always based on good intentions in that moment of choosing.

    But, when that good intention is driven by a need to establish our significance rather than connect with the value that we want to create, our choices become understandably poorly informed.

    Once again, understanding why we were distracted enough will add sweetness to our hindsight.

    Looking back on our unpleasant experiences with understanding rather than judgement helps us to find peace where we currently may only find pain.

    Seeking to understand is what disarms the bitterness of betrayed expectations and replaces it with the peace of acceptance.

    If you’re struggling to reconcile your past in your efforts to create a better future, reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183. Together, we can create the life that you’ve always wanted.

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  • Don’t look the other way

    Don’t look the other way

    Those who oppress others are often the first to draw attention to the weakness or inadequacy of those that they oppress.

    They do this to pacify their conscience so that they can avoid the guilt of treating others poorly.

    The reason why judgement works well in such cases, for both the abuser and the abused, is because it creates distance between us and our contribution towards that oppression, and therefore allows us a comfortable space in which to abdicate responsibility in doing something about it.

    When we judge, we assume that the abused has options or resources that they are aware of without finding a need to connect with them, or to directly assist them.

    Judgement is also kinder to the abuser because it inevitably focuses on creating excuses for their rage or self loathing.

    It’s through judgement that we most often enable such despicable behaviour while maintaining a comfortable distance.

    If the abused are left to fend for themselves because we don’t want to meddle, we become part of the problem.

    If nothing else, at least call out abuse for what it is when you see it. And if it’s become normalised in the life of the abuser or the abused, then take time to make them aware of why it needs to stop.

    Abuse is never constrained to just the relationship in which it prevails. It is a poison that destroys the innocence in society, leading to social ills that inevitably find their way into the lives of those you love, despite you not wanting to meddle in someone else’s business.

    Speak out against abuse. If you don’t cease the hand of the abuser, you enable their behaviour. That makes you complicit in their vile actions.

    If you’re trying to break the cycle of abuse in your life, reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and let’s create the positive change that you deserve in your life.

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  • Don’t choose the hard way

    Don’t choose the hard way

    The original Afrikaans saying for this is somewhat more impactful.

    ‘Die wat nie will hoor nie, moet voel.’

    Translated, that means that if you don’t want to listen, then you’ll feel the pain.

    While it may have been regularly used as a taunt by teachers and parents towards misbehaving kids, it is totally apt for adults as well.

    Our reasons for avoiding, or even rejecting good advice is not always because we think we know better. Often, it’s because we assume that taking advice is a sign of weakness or incompetence. Hence our preference to learn the hard way instead.

    Add to that the source being someone who already, just by their presence, intimidates us, and suddenly an offering of advice from them feels like an attack.

    At the heart of it is our sense of self-worth. The lower our confidence, the more likely it is that an innocent gesture will appear as an attack.

    Low emotional maturity is the biggest stumbling block towards growth, and towards owning our life.

    Improving your emotional maturity is not about learning coping mechanisms for when you feel triggered, it’s about growing to understand why you are inclined towards feeling triggered at all.

    Stop coping with life and start thriving. It all begins with gaining insight into who you are and what shaped you to be this way.

    Need a navigator? Reach out via my website at zaidismail.com or on WhatsApp at +27836599183 and let’s start building the life that you’ve always wanted.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock



  • Enabling our oppressors

    Enabling our oppressors

    We only give others permission to disrespect us when we disrespect ourselves first.

    Disrespect of the self takes many shapes and forms including compromising our values for personal gain, accepting abuse from fear of abandonment, restraining our contribution from fear of rejection, and more.

    When treating ourselves with disrespect becomes the norm, accepting disrespect becomes the theme of our lives.

    Reclaiming our space in relationships with significant others then becomes a struggle, because without realising it, we gave them permission to treat us badly.

    Of course, the fact that they may have taken up the opportunity to treat us badly confirms their disrespect for themselves as well.

    And that’s how we end up in relationships where respect is optional, and being together becomes a matter of convenience that we justify in many ways, including doing it for the children, not wanting to be seen as a failure, nor wanting to return to our parent’s home and bringing shame to them, not wanting to be alone, and more.

    That’s when life becomes empty, and joy is replaced with bitterness. Break that cycle before it breaks you, because when you’re broken, you become a liability to this world, rather than a blessing.

    And this world has enough social liabilities already. Please be better than that. You deserve it, and so does everyone around you.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Know your place

    Know your place

    The value of knowing your place is underrated.

    So many impose themselves in the hope of acceptance, only to question the sincerity of the company they keep when they eventually earn that acceptance.

    Sometimes, we only discover our place after having invested in relationships that were never intent on embracing us the way we embraced them.

    Sometimes, those relationships are with those for whom we sacrificed much to see them grow.

    And sometimes, it’s in uplifting total strangers who became friends and then abandoned us when we posed a threat to their popularity.

    Whatever it is that came before that moment, accept with grace and dignity your place when they reveal their true selves.

    Worse than losing time in spaces where you’re not appreciated is losing your dignity and self respect.

    And both, dignity and self respect are yours to claim. It’s not something that must be endowed upon you by anyone else

    Claim yours before you lose it completely.

  • Why wait?

    Why wait?

    The most common distraction that prevents us from reaching our goals is waiting for others to take responsibility for our wounds.

    I’m not saying that they may not be responsible for the betrayal or the hurtful way in which they treated us. No.

    What I’m saying is that waiting for them to own their contribution towards our state is a waste of life.

    Whose life? Yours! Your life is wasted away with every moment that you put your life on hold because you need someone else to step up and be better towards you, or to appreciate or respect you.

    It’s OK to leave a space open for them to occupy in your life. But it’s not OK to demand that they fill that space.

    The moment you demand such investment from them, you taint the sincerity with which they show up in your life, and you create a burden where once there was an opportunity for peace.

    And the reason we do this is simple. We do it because we hope that when they realise how significant they are to us, we may grow to be more significant to them.

    That’s how we lose ourselves while waiting for others to make us feel better about what they did to us, or what we need from them.

    Life is too short to spend it waiting for better days. Own your life, and allow others to own theirs. And if that results in a beautiful space being created between you two, then cherish it.

    And if not, then cherish the opportunity to create space for the right person to fill that space in your life instead.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Gluttonous distractions

    Gluttonous distractions

    The utopian ideal for many is to find a line of work that feeds our passion for life, while also earning us a comfortable lifestyle.

    Inevitably, the comfort of the material rewards for such a pursuit, for those of us fortunate enough to discover our passion, slowly distracts us from that unadulterated passion that once drove us, only to be replaced by the fear of losing the means that sustains our quality of life.

    Similarly, we lose focus on what quality of life really means, and become distracted by convenience of life while assuming that to be the accomplishment worth protecting.

    The soul is soon neglected and the belly becomes the master that drives the decisions that shape our efforts.

    It sometimes takes years, if ever, for us to realise that we lost our way.

    For those that are again fortunate enough to realise this unfortunate shift, gathering the resolve and the courage to redirect our focus to our passion at the risk of downgrading our lifestyle becomes a trial that brutally separates the adults from the meek.

    Too many willingly surrender to the system while claiming impotence in their efforts to avoid acknowledging their weakness for the indulgence of their belly.

    They’re the ones who grow diseased and bitter, each day needing more distractions than before to keep them steady on the path of servitude that they chose.

    Servitude without fulfilment. Thus has this world become tainted with the bitter cowards who would much rather blame the world for their lack of resolve, than accept responsibility for their gluttonous appetite for the trinkets of delusions that parade as success.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock

  • Regret doesn’t change the past

    Regret doesn’t change the past

    It’s easy to lose ourselves in our efforts to overcome upheaval.

    It’s also easy to look back and think that it was the trial that developed the strength or ability to overcome it.

    But, what if we had that within us all along, and the trial only revealed it?

    We must recognise the difference between our innate abilities, versus the skills we develop by applying those abilities.

    Too often, we look at our skills and assume that to be our abilities. But why is this difference important?

    It is our ability to acquire skills to overcome trials that are more important than the skills we acquire in that moment.

    If we appreciate our ability to learn and to adapt, we’ll find less reason to stress, no need to just cope, and instead, we’ll face trials and challenges with greater confidence and less anxiety.

    Strength therefore is found in our appreciation for our ability to acquire new skills, rather than giving in to the fear that the skills we have may be insufficient to overcome what we’re faced with.

    Trials are therefore opportunities for growth, but we lose sight of the growth when we succumb to the fear of what we think awaits us on the other side of that trial.

    Photo credit : Adobe Stock