Like the old saying goes, talk is cheap, and actions speak louder than words.
It’s easy to say the right thing, especially when times are good and what we’re committing to is convenient.
However, when our commitments pull us between what we want for ourselves versus what we committed to doing for someone else, that’s when our sincerity is tested.
But what defines our sincerity?
Is it how we want to appear to others or how we live by the values that we stand for?
The moment we’re focused on what others think of us, we play to the responses that we want from them, even when we’re doing something good.
The problem with this is that without realising it, our motivation slowly shifts from living by our values to how we are perceived by others.
That’s the beginning of how we lose ourselves to the attention that we get from others.
More than this, the lower our self-respect, the more inclined we’ll be to say the right thing while finding it difficult to do the right thing.
That’s when making excuses for our behaviour becomes easy when others challenge us about the commitments that we haven’t honoured.
This is an indication of a low level of self-respect.
Self-respect is tainted when we lack gratitude for who we are.
The more we dismiss the value of who we are, the more we’ll need validation from others. Hence the unhealthy cycle of focusing on what others think of us, versus being true to who we are.
We’ll only be true to who we are if we truly value who we are.
For this reason, don’t expect sincerity or consistency from one who is self-loathing. And realise that you are self-loathing when you struggle to be consistent or to follow through on the commitments that you make to others.
It always starts with you.
#sincerity #action #conviction #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #selfworth #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself
Tag: mindfulness
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When sincerity is tested
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Don’t trade your best for their worst
There is rarely a day that passes without me reading or hearing about someone who invested years, if not decades of their life, to people who were not invested in the relationship.
When the reality of that betrayal finally hits home, it destroys our spirit and convinces us that we’ve sacrificed the best years of our life while having nothing more to look forward to.
Nothing could be further from the truth.
The same way we were able to create beauty in such a desolate landscape, we must recognise that the best of us that we gave was simply the truth of who we were. And are.
The moment we discard that because it was discarded by an ingrate who was looking for servitude of their ego when they could have had love for their essence, we become ingrates just like them.
Don’t trade who you are for who they were. It’s never a fair trade. You owe yourself more than that.
And self-pity will only ever prevent you from being true to yourself.
Embrace the beauty of who you are despite the ugly of who they were.
That’s how we take back the gift that they discarded so that we may be able find a more fitting recipient.
As long as you’re breathing, there’s always hope.
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #betrayal #narcissism #narcissisticabuse #relationshipgoals -
Betrayed expectations
Without realising it, expectations create an underlying sense of entitlement regarding the outcomes that we want.
That entitlement is what influences our attitude and demeanour in how we approach things or relationships.
When we feel justified to have such expectations, we lose sight of the entitlement, which leads to the intensity of emotion that we experience when our expectations are not met.
That intensity of emotion is the sense of betrayal that we feel because entitlement is based on an assumed trust between us and the person who we believe was supposed to show up for us.
Problem is, most times, that expectation is in our heads and is unknown to the ones around us.
Sometimes we communicate it, but most times we don’t.
We need to trust the sincerity behind what significant others do for us, that’s why we are unlikely to tell them specifically what we need from them for two reasons.
Firstly, once we ask for something, we don’t know if they’re doing it out of obligation, or sincerity.
And secondly, we don’t want to appear needy or vulnerable, assuming that we’re even aware of the expectations that we have of them.
Mindfulness is key to healthy relationships. And healthy relationships are ones in which we can trust each other with our expectations of what’s important to us, without feeling like an imposition on the other.
How healthy are your relationships? And more importantly, how healthy is your relationship with yourself?
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #companionship #mentalhealthrecovery -
Reframe what brings you joy
Reframing our perspective on life is more important than trying to solve problems that have been plaguing us for years, if not generations.
Like Einstein said, “You cannot solve a problem with the same thinking that created it.”
Or something like that.
Point is, if you keep hitting your head against a brick wall hoping for it to break, you know it’s more likely to break your head instead.
So, either find something softer to hit your head against, if that’s what you’re into…or…
Find a more effective way of breaking that wall.
Hint: it’s not your head.
This meme is a quote from my upcoming release, Own Your Life. It’s the revised edition of my last book titled Own Your Shit, with some new chapters added, and a lot of work done to improve the way in which the reader can connect with the message in the book.
Copies should be available by beginning December 2021.
#ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals -
Judge, as you would like to be judged
When we behave badly, we pacify ourselves by focusing on what we intended, or why it was understandable for us to behave that way.
When others treat us badly, we’re more inclined to assume that it is a true reflection of how little we mean to them, or how malicious they are.
The moment we judge someone else’s intentions to be bad without knowing for certain what they intended, we’re projecting our value system on them, and then holding them accountable for it.
Crazy, right?
When we assume the worst of someone, it’s because we are assuming what would have driven us to behave that way, and then believing that it must be true for them as well.
Such assumptions prevent us from reaching understanding because it results in us expecting others to defend what we insist is true about them, rather than giving them the opportunity to explain themselves.
We judge others as harshly or as kindly as we judge ourselves. That’s assuming that we’re honest with ourselves.
When we’re dishonest with ourselves, we’ll be inconsistent in how we judge others.
Those whose favour we want, we’ll judge kindly. While those who cannot serve our needs, we’ll judge harshly.
That’s how we lose ourselves to our need for validation.
It always starts with you.
#selfworth #selfdoubt #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #reflection #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #ownyourlife #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #authenticity -
The insincerity of self-loathing
As always, you cannot give what you don’t have.
You can’t give someone a smile if you don’t have one yourself.
Similarly, you cannot appreciate what you’re ungrateful for.
If you take yourself for granted, any appreciation that you express towards others is based on you wanting them to feel appreciated the way that you want to feel appreciated.
It’s about wanting them to have something that you believe you don’t have.
As magnanimous or noble as that seems, it’s a transaction.
It’s a judgement.
It’s insincere.
It’s manipulation.
Is there some good in it? Definitely. Because there is nothing so bad that there is no good in it.
But, it still means that the gratitude you express is hollow, and the one you hope to give reason to feel appreciated will eventually sense that emptiness of your sentiment.
It’s only when we truly and meaningfully connect with the value that we hold as humans, that we are able to recognise and connect with that value in others.
Until that point, all we’ll see is judgement and comparison about who has more than us, who deserves more, who we want must appreciate us, and so on.
Our expression of affection and gratitude becomes transactional because we want to be seen a certain way, or thought of in a certain way.
That’s not sincere appreciation. That’s transacting for significance.
The question is, how many of us know ourselves well enough to truly appreciate who we are, or do we only see ourselves as a means to an end for others?
How many of us are living martyrs?
It always starts with you.
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #theegosystem #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #selfloathing #martyrsyndrome -
Don’t trade your virtues for vices
Don’t withhold the beauty of your spirit just because there is no one around to appreciate it.
Be who you are, and let others be who they choose to be.
The expectation of being treated the way we treat others is what causes much bitterness and anger.
It’s not worth it.
Give without the expectation of receiving. And when you don’t receive, give some more.
Waiting for others to return the favour before we do more, denies us the fulfilment of being who we are, while compromising our values to be who they are.
Remember, we cannot give what we don’t have.
When you withhold your gifts because you’re waiting for others to respond in kind first, you’re assuming that they have within them what drove you to give of yourself in the first place.
It’s a crazy cycle.
Break it by giving without the expectation of receiving from them in return.
That’s the secret to fulfilment and contentment in our lives.
When we expect something in return, we deny ourselves that fulfilment and we turn our good deeds into transactions.
When we transact with our virtues in that way, not only do we diminish the value of what we’ve done and who we are, but we also end up treating others the way that they’ve treated us.
That’s how we lose ourselves to our expectations from others.
It always starts with you.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #entitlement #gentleness #conviction #ownyourlife #theegosystem #mentalhealth #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #inspiration #philanthropy #generosityofspirit #givingback #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthmonth -
Judging bad behaviour
I have yet to meet someone who behaves poorly when they feel appreciated.
Yet, we’re most often focused on the poor behaviour instead of their feeling of insignificance.
The same is true for us.
Our anger, bitterness, or rebellion is simply an expression intended to reclaim our significance when significant others treat us as if we don’t matter. Or when we feel like we don’t matter to them.
This doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but hopefully, it prompts us to be more understanding rather than judgemental when we find ourselves faced with unacceptable behaviour from those around us.
It’s easier to judge others when being kind or understanding feels like weakness on our part, or if we’re afraid of condoning their behaviour.
Both those assumptions are based on our assumptions about what their intentions are behind their bad behaviour.
Consider that the next time you become aware of how you’ve chosen to judge someone.
Are you judging their behaviour because of what you don’t want to be associated with? Are you judging it because you expect them to be better than that? Or are you judging it because it undermines your role in their life?
Whichever one it is, judgement should be reserved for the courts, and understanding and compassion should drive our interactions with those around us so that we can encourage the best in them, rather than judge the worst in them.
And if you want to understand why you’re driven towards assumptions about what drives your behaviour, or the behaviour of those around you, get a copy of my book, The Egosystem.
It answers exactly such questions so that you might be able to find that elusive peace that you need within your soul.
#selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #mindfulness #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #ownyourlife #gratitude #compassion #understanding #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #relationshipgoals
