I have yet to meet someone who behaves poorly when they feel appreciated.
Yet, we’re most often focused on the poor behaviour instead of their feeling of insignificance.
The same is true for us.
Our anger, bitterness, or rebellion is simply an expression intended to reclaim our significance when significant others treat us as if we don’t matter. Or when we feel like we don’t matter to them.
This doesn’t excuse the behaviour, but hopefully, it prompts us to be more understanding rather than judgemental when we find ourselves faced with unacceptable behaviour from those around us.
It’s easier to judge others when being kind or understanding feels like weakness on our part, or if we’re afraid of condoning their behaviour.
Both those assumptions are based on our assumptions about what their intentions are behind their bad behaviour.
Consider that the next time you become aware of how you’ve chosen to judge someone.
Are you judging their behaviour because of what you don’t want to be associated with? Are you judging it because you expect them to be better than that? Or are you judging it because it undermines your role in their life?
Whichever one it is, judgement should be reserved for the courts, and understanding and compassion should drive our interactions with those around us so that we can encourage the best in them, rather than judge the worst in them.
And if you want to understand why you’re driven towards assumptions about what drives your behaviour, or the behaviour of those around you, get a copy of my book, The Egosystem.
It answers exactly such questions so that you might be able to find that elusive peace that you need within your soul.
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Judging bad behaviour
