We judge others the way we judge ourselves.
The less aware we are of our self-judgement, the more rigid we will be in insisting on the accuracy of our assumptions about others.
The more compassionate and understanding we are in our efforts to improve ourselves, the more space we’ll allow for others to recover from the mistakes that they make towards us.
Mindfulness and self-worth dss at the core of every experience of our life.
Just because we’re lacking in mindfulness, or that our self-worth isn’t where it needs to be, doesn’t mean that it doesn’t impact our experiences.
Our experiences and the quality of our life is directly proportional to these two things.
The more mindful we are, the healthier our self-worth, few in turn, the better our quality of life even if things are not going our way.
That’s why someone with little can have a huge heart, while someone with excess can be miserly.
Awareness of where we’re at is important of we hope to see things for what they are, rather than what we assume them to be.
Start with your own point of reference, but then look critically at the evidence to test if you’re assumptions are true or not.
If you don’t, you’re only serving your insecurities, rather than seeking true understanding.
It always starts with you.
Own Your Life.
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail
Tag: mindfulness
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I see me in you
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The shame within
Good advice sometimes feels like a threat because it prompts us to acknowledge a flaw that we feel ashamed of.
It’s like putting in your best effort to create a piece of art, and then having someone come along and innocently suggest that you should’ve tried this or that to enhance it further.
No matter how much merit there is in their suggestion, if you’re already feeling insecure about your artistic talents, you’ll find reason to justify taking offence, or to dismiss why you don’t think that will work with what you’re trying to achieve.
That’s what happens when we assume that the motive behind good advice is to highlight our shortcomings, or to emphasise the superiority of our advisor. Or worse still, we assume that the other person deliberately wants to make us feel inadequate.
All it is, is a sense of shame that we carry within us about who we are, or how we’re lacking in our efforts to earn the significance or validation of those we love.
That threat to our significance is what feels like an attack that we respond to with anger, or passive aggression, because anger is a demand for significance.
Being mindful about our opinion of ourselves is one of the hardest things to do.
It means that we must be aware of whether we’re judging ourselves based on what we think others will approve of, or are we viewing ourselves with understanding based on who we aspire to be.
The former is destructive.
The latter is what creates the inspiration to continuously build and improve on who you are and what you wish to leave as your legacy.
It always starts with you.
Own Your Life.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #mindfulness #angermanagement -
Dishonesty, the destroyer
The profundity of the verse from the Qur’an that says that if you are grateful, Allah will increase you, resonates strongly through every theme of life.
It is through gratitude that good is created, harm is kept at bay, and we are connected to what feeds our soul.
Therefore, what destroys good must be the opposite of gratitude.
It’s easy to call it ingratitude, but not so easy to identify it as that.
Ingratitude is not just the absence of gratitude, it’s the presence of everything that denies it.
It is the desire for that which undermines the good that we have, or pursuing that which we haven’t earned.
It is the betrayal of what we stand for, to feed the fear of losing something that was never real.
It the compromise of the authenticity of who we are, so that we may be accepted by another, because we can’t bear the thought of being alone with only our self-respect to keep us company.
Dishonesty is a denial of the self, long before it is a betrayal of trust.
That’s why it breathes destruction wherever it shows up, because it first destroys the self which then destroys the world around us because we grow desperate for others to make us feel whole.
All that because we were ungrateful for who we are.
Dishonesty is the enemy of dignity, and without dignity, the world will be at war with your soul.
“If you are grateful, I will surely increase you.” (Qur’an 14:7)
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #selfrespect #relationshipgoals #foreverincomplete -
The shame within
You know that awkwardness that you feel when someone says something that you know is right but you’re not ready to hear it?
Or when a sincere advisor or significant other points out something you’re doing that isn’t helpful or good for you, and you get defensive about it?
Those are hints at the shame with which you view yourself regarding that habit or character trait.
When we judge ourselves harshly, we grow defensive the moment someone draws attention to what we already feel insecure about.
On the surface, we feel justified in defending ourselves because we feel judged.
However, if we weren’t already judging ourselves, we wouldn’t feel judged, we’d feel misunderstood.
Choosing whether or not to clarify that misunderstanding then becomes a matter of how much importance we place on the one who is making the incorrect assumption about us.
But when we feel judged, it’s much more difficult to be selective about who we get defensive with and end up in full attack mode on people who don’t deserve it.
The shame that we feel about ourselves is because we’re still seeing ourselves through the eyes of those we feel were never proud of us. Usually one or both parents.
Until we realise this, we’ll go through life believing that we are unfairly judged without being open to growing beyond that because in our obsession with defending ourselves, we were never open to receiving good advice on how to be better.
It always starts with you.
#ownyourlife #theegosystem #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #selfdevelopment #mindfulness #relationshipgoals -
Settling for a hint of life
How we see ourselves is reflected in the choices that we make in life.
Not what is obvious about those choices, but what we’re trying to achieve through those choices.
Unfortunately, most are unaware of the second part. That underlying need that drives the choices that we make.
When we lose sight of that need, we feel drawn by instinct or desperation to do things that just ‘feel’ right, and then convince ourselves that we must trust our instincts.
But what if those instincts are driven by fear because we’re in survival mode after having had a bad childhood, or marriage?
Will our choices be healthy, or unhealthy?
If we’re not in tune with this side of who we are and how life has affected our sense of self, we’ll try desperately to create a good life for ourselves while losing ourselves in the process.
Eventually, we end up believing that the world has no place for us, or that it’s a cruel and harsh place, leaving us hoping or waiting to be saved…or waiting for death. Whichever comes first.
Reconnect with yourself in a way that is free of judgement, but full of understanding, and your choices will be informed by what you are passionate about, rather than what you desperately need from others to feel loved or accepted.
It always starts with you.
#selfworth #selfawareness #ownyourlife #selfmastery #mindfulness #personalpower #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail -
Who defines your worth?
When our self-worth is low, we convince ourselves that we deserve pity and support for the state we’re in, because rising above it seems too daunting.
But it’s unlikely that we’ll realise that it’s a low self-worth driving such behaviour.
Instead, we’ll be convinced that the most important thing in the world is for the world to recognise just how difficult life is for us before we are willing to pick ourselves up and power through that last betrayal, or disappointment, or failed relationship.
The kind of thoughts that occupy our minds when in such a state include thoughts of preemptively defending ourselves against negative judgements about our life, or our lack of motivation, or our fear of commitment.
That’s how we start living inside our heads while believing that we’re just being realistic because we’ve learnt the harsh lessons after trusting one time too many, or being emotionally vulnerable to the wrong person.
The low self-worth is therefore a result of us losing sight of the good that we tried to contribute, despite the bad that we received in return.
It sets in when we convince ourselves that our best was not good enough, while ignoring the internal struggles that others were dealing with when we needed them to show up for us.
Our self-worth only suffers when we lose sight of the value of who we are, because we got distracted by the low self-worth of those around us.
When the need to protect yourself from the prying eyes of those who would judge you poorly triumphs over your need to aspire to achieve your dreams, you lose both, your self-esteem and your dreams.
Gratitude for the self is established through gratitude for the self. Not through the gratitude that others have for who you are.
It always starts with you.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #mindfulness #relationshipgoals #companionship -
Reclaim your worth
Peace is most ravaged when we convince ourselves that we were treated badly by others, or by someone we trusted, because we weren’t good enough for them.
A betrayal of trust, no matter how noble the person, reflects cowardice on their part.
We only betray the trust that others place in us when we feel burdened by that trust, or we avoid accepting the responsibility that it demands of us.
Either way, it’s a shortcoming on the part of the betrayer, not the betrayed.
Sometimes we’re so focused on getting even with those who betrayed our trust that we fail to notice how that fixation distracts us from fulfilling the rights of others, which in itself is also a betrayal of trust.
Understand the internal struggle of those who treated you badly, so that you will realise that they were simply incapable of being better than that in that moment.
It may not take away the disappointment or the hurt, but that is part of your humanness.
When that disappointment overwhelms your joy in life and steals your enthusiasm for the future, it’s no longer because of how someone treated you,it’s because of how you see yourself because of how they treated you.
It’s that easy to give up your power to influence the outcomes and the happiness that you experience in life.
You do so by believing that how you were treated by troubled souls is a reflection of your worth.
That’s simply ingratitude for who you are.
Misplacing your trust in someone is a mistake made from good intentions.
Discard the mistake after learning from it. Don’t discard the good that inspired that good intention.
It always starts with you.
#truth #trust #betrayal #honesty #sincerity #authenticity #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthrecovery #selfworth #selflove #selfawareness #selfrespect #reflection #mindfulness #dignity #lifecoaching #zaidismail -
Who says you’re not enough?
When we find a need to repeat affirmations like ‘I am enough’ to ourselves in the mirror each day, we’re trying to convince ourselves to believe something that we are already convinced is not true.
If we believed it to be true, there would be no reason to try to convince ourselves about it each day.
Rather than convincing yourself that you’re enough, focus on understanding who convinced you that you weren’t enough to begin with.
When you figure that out, you’ll realise that you’ve been living life viewing yourself through that person’s eyes, which is why your relationship with yourself is based on judging your achievements relative to what you think they would think of you, rather than understanding what is needed to achieve your goals when you fall short.
Judgement is always based on how we think others see us.
Understanding is based on what we are trying to figure out in our efforts to achieve our goals.
The emphasis is on ‘our’ goals, and not on achieving milestones that are needed to get approval from others.
Recognising the difference between these mortivators that we focus on will result in mindfulness about whether we’re truly pursuing something we’re committed to, or is it something that we hope will win us favour with others.
If the latter, expect to be exhausted in your efforts to constantly please others, while convincing yourself that you’re enough when you look in the mirror, even though you don’t feel like you are.
You were born enough!
You lost sight of that when you focused on rejection or betrayal from one who themselves lost sight of the same thing earlier in their lives.
Break the cycle. Connect with gratitude for who you are, and compete with yourself only in improving who you are.
The rest will take care of itself. Especially the anxiety of life.
It always starts with you.
#hope #expectation #sincerity #selfworth #selfawareness #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #lifecoaching #zaidismail #loveyourself #lifegoals #motivation #optimism #purpose #mindfulness
