The shame within

Good advice sometimes feels like a threat because it prompts us to acknowledge a flaw that we feel ashamed of.

It’s like putting in your best effort to create a piece of art, and then having someone come along and innocently suggest that you should’ve tried this or that to enhance it further.

No matter how much merit there is in their suggestion, if you’re already feeling insecure about your artistic talents, you’ll find reason to justify taking offence, or to dismiss why you don’t think that will work with what you’re trying to achieve.

That’s what happens when we assume that the motive behind good advice is to highlight our shortcomings, or to emphasise the superiority of our advisor. Or worse still, we assume that the other person deliberately wants to make us feel inadequate.

All it is, is a sense of shame that we carry within us about who we are, or how we’re lacking in our efforts to earn the significance or validation of those we love.

That threat to our significance is what feels like an attack that we respond to with anger, or passive aggression, because anger is a demand for significance.

Being mindful about our opinion of ourselves is one of the hardest things to do.

It means that we must be aware of whether we’re judging ourselves based on what we think others will approve of, or are we viewing ourselves with understanding based on who we aspire to be.

The former is destructive.

The latter is what creates the inspiration to continuously build and improve on who you are and what you wish to leave as your legacy.

It always starts with you.

Own Your Life.

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