Tag: sincerity

  • Expecting hope

    Expecting hope

    Expectations are simply hopes with a sense of entitlement.

    The reason for our entitlement to the fulfilment of our hopes are many. Most often, they’re based on what we contributed towards others.

    Sometimes we want that contribution reciprocated because we don’t want to allow others to treat us unfairly, or to take us for granted.

    But sometimes, we hold on to that entitlement because we want the treasures of who we are to be handled with love and gentleness by a specific other.

    Both are based on the hope of what the outcome offers us in happiness and fulfilment. Or even just in achieving a sense of significance.

    Unfortunately, if expectations are not mutually honoured, it becomes a burden for one, and a prison for the other.

    The good news is, both are choices. The burden and the prison. But they weigh us down until we recognise that they’re choices.

    More importantly, until we are willing to let go of the choice to hold on after we’ve exhausted all efforts to achieve its fulfilment, it will continue to feel like a burden or a prison that is imposed, and not one that is chosen.

    Choose wisely…choose consciously.

  • The nuance of a good life

    The nuance of a good life

    It’s not the blatant acts of disrespect or rejection that hurt us the most, it’s the subtle gestures that leave room for doubt or interpretation that leave deep scars.

    Nuance thrives in those subtle gestures because nuance is what allows us to avoid conflict, or resist commitment. It allows us a graceful exit for just-in-case so that we can claim that we didn’t mean it that way, or that they misunderstood.

    Nuance is the art of saying more than you’re willing to say without actually saying it. Like the subtle brush of your hand against your partner in company when a full-blown embrace or heavy patting may be frowned upon. Or perhaps when you smile a half smile and don’t return the kiss to avoid an argument.

    Nuance allows us to test boundaries, and to test our significance in someone else’s life. We throw subtle hints about what we want, but won’t speak out openly about it because we don’t want to create reason for doubt within ourselves about whether they responded out of obligation, or because they sincerely wanted to make us happy.

    Nuance allows us to see if someone is ready to accept what we want to offer, without actually offering it, so that we protect ourselves from a hurtful rejection.

    There are parts of who we are that we’ve embraced so fiercely that no amount of ridicule will ever shame us about it. But there are parts of ourselves that we hide because we want to only give that one special person the power to handle it. It defines the sanctity of who we are, and solemnises the trust that we wish to place in them.

    It’s a vulnerability that we embrace and cherish because in its handling lies the essence of the bond that we wish to share with that special one.

    It’s the expectation willingly courted that holds the joy of fulfilment if fulfilled, or destroys hope if left hopelessly ignored.

    Once spoken, doubt is subdued and expectation justified.

    The unspoken word has destroyed more hope and created more angst than any revelation of love, or its denial.

    If left unspoken, it remains a torture within, without any claim to relief from the one in whose hands your joy rests, waiting to be roused into being.

    Perhaps it is in our efforts to protect ourselves or others through withholding what we don’t wish to impose on them that we destroy the very joy that we hope they will find without us, or us without them.

  • Embrace your greatness

    Embrace your greatness

    There is greatness in all of us.

    Problem is, if we don’t get recognition from others about our greatness, we assume the greatness is not so great, instead of realising that they’re too distracted to notice.

    That’s when we give up on that greatness and instead embrace something trivial that will attract their attention.

    Then, when we get their attention, we assume we’ve achieved something great when in fact we just did something that is momentarily popular.

    And that’s how we fail to change the world.

    We grow old feeling like we were cheated out of greatness, but forget that we traded our greatness for acceptance and validation.

    Be greater than that. You’ve got it in you to do it.

    Photo credit: Naadirah Ismail

  • Who says you’re not enough?

    Who says you’re not enough?

    If you need to remind yourself that you’re enough, you convinced yourself that you weren’t enough.

    No one can do that to you without your agreement or consent.

    Reminders, or affirmations have their place in getting us back on track when we become distracted from the truth of who we are.

    The moment we need to do either beyond a moment in time, it means that we stopped believing what was once a truth, and now need to find reason to convince ourselves that we’re capable of being that way again.

    While there may be truth in that thought process, it also means that we’ve yet to believe that we are what we think we could be, and we therefore convince ourselves that it’s not true in the present moment, but may be true at some future point.

    Again, this way of thinking simply reinforces the belief that we’re not who we want to be.

    The question therefore is, by whose standard are we judging ourselves when we see ourselves as being less than who we think we are?

    If we were judging ourselves by our own standard, our reflections would be an assessment of our growth, rather than a need to convince ourselves that we’re something or someone that we’re not.

  • The forgotten village idiot

    The forgotten village idiot

    This essay has been playing on my mind a lot lately.

    Covid-19 has revealed the true nature of many, which only served to reinforce this notion.

    Who puts a smile on the face of the village idiot?

    The saddest part of this essay is that most who read the title thought it to be humorous.

    From my book The Egosystem, it explores our relationship with those who give selflessly, while being forgotten.

    This pandemic has highlighted the forgotten and the taken-for-granted, and it has diminished further the roles of others who are not deemed essential through need, but who maintain the wellbeing and spirit of others through quiet contribution.

    I’ve always considered what this world would feel like if we didn’t label the purpose or the need that we have of others, and instead we were compelled to choose very deliberately each time what it is that we value about another before we are able to obtain benefit from them.

    Would that be the cure for the pandemic of consumerism? Would it finally rid us of our inclination to see people as a means to an end?

    Or is even that an ideal so far fetched that only the most naive would buy into it?

  • Blind rage

    Blind rage

    Sometimes we get so caught up in our anger at the world that we lose sight of the fact that our anger feeds the very same cycles that we’ve grown to despise.

    Don’t get angry.

    If you can influence positive change, do it. If not, walk away.

    Insisting on rage after you’ve realised that you are unable to influence positive change is an indulgence of your ego and not a righteous protest.

    It’s not worth it.

    The rage within often blinds us from the oppression that we impose on others.

    The rage starts to build up after we’ve experienced oppression at the hands of others, but if left unchecked, it eventually clouds our judgement as we seek vengeance from anyone that reminds us of those who treated us badly.

    When you find a reason to rage at every assumed threat, peace becomes elusive and bitterness takes over.

    Find a balance between righting the wrongs and inspiring others to rise above your own experiences, otherwise all you’ll be left with is rage and no fulfilment, nor peace in this lifetime.

  • Worship me

    Worship me

    Don’t use religion to elevate your ego.

    By doing so, you use God to worship your ego, rather than subduing your ego to worship God.

    The appearance of religiosity in others misleads many to assume that they possess piety.

    Piety cannot be measured through outward appearance, only through experiencing a sincerity of action.

    Sincerity, if shown due respect, makes an outward show of religiosity for the purpose of earning respect impossible to display.

  • The silent lie

    The silent lie

    Dishonesty isn’t always a lie. It’s often an unspoken truth. In fact, unspoken truths are probably the source of more dishonesty than outright lies.

    We remain silent when we feel threatened by the revelation of the truth.

    That threat is not always about exposure of who we are. Sometimes, it’s because we don’t want to bear the responsibility of meeting the expectations that are raised if we spoke out.

    Like speaking out in defence of the truth, or vouching for someone’s character, or giving due credit. It all demands that we follow through with sincerity and consistency.

    This is most often the reason why we choose to be dishonest and remain silent, instead of speaking out and accepting the responsibility of the consequences.