Tag: sincerity

  • I’m Thankful…or am I?

    Gratitude is not simply a state of mind, but rather a state of being. Appreciating someone but restraining yourself from openly expressing it, verbally or otherwise, is of no use to them, and only sows the seeds of selfishness in your own heart. True appreciation would result in a willingness to acknowledge the impact that someone else’s efforts or contribution has on your life. Anything less cannot be appreciation. If we are willing to consume, then we must also be willing to contribute as well. Otherwise we introduce an imbalance in our lives that can never lead to healthy relationships. Don’t let your fear of allowing significant others into your personal space result in the destruction of beauty in your life.

  • The Struggle Continues

    One thing that never seems to cease in life, well my life anyway, is my inability to prove my capability independent of the snide remarks of those around me. There’s more often than not someone ready to tell me why what I’m doing will not work or why I should be cautious, but never someone to just smile and believe in my ability to do something worthwhile in my life. Despite my failures or shortcomings, I’ve created a space for myself that is noteworthy to many, in spite of the lack of support or encouragement in anything beyond what directly affected those around me that needed something from me.

    My personal endeavours have always remained my personal endeavours, not for lack of sharing my ideas, ideals or aspirations, but simply because no one gave a damn to want to do anything more than what was absolutely the minimum requirement for their input without showing any inclination towards the final outcome, unless that final outcome benefited them. And so I continue in my struggle, but only with a different focus now. What used to be a struggle to earn the recognition or affirmation of those around me has now changed to be a struggle to achieve what my heart desires regardless of the opinions or views of others.

    I’ve finally accepted that I am different, and not in a narcissistic way, nor in a smug or arrogant way. But realistically and practically I am different from most around me. I desire different things as priorities in my life, I would rather be alone than be surrounded by insincere people, and I would rather stick out like a sore thumb than conform in the hope of obtaining approval from the insincere. And so I forge ahead without expecting a support structure to lean on, nor do I expect affirmation or encouragement from anyone, except to achieve a state that reassures me that I have created the best space possible for my daughters, and for myself, in spite of the challenges that have been dealt to me in life.

    I will not ask ‘Why me?’ but instead will proclaim ‘Why not!?”. Self pity is usually self-loathing in disguise, so I’ll be damned the day I feel pity for myself when in fact I have so much yet to offer, if not to those around me, then strangers who may never know me, but will hopefully benefit from my existence in a way only the Almighty will know how. And that is my saving grace in an ungracious world.

  • Insincerity…

    I’m not quite sure which is worse, the insincerity of someone pretending to love, or that of someone pretending not to…the former still has the potential to create some good, because even if we develop a sense of belonging or a feeling of being needed based on a false premise, as long as its maintained, there’s good in it, and no matter how destructive the ultimate realisation of it being false, it can never eradicate the good that was already experienced while it was being experienced…whereas in the case of being insincere in pretending not to love someone, the good that already exists is being smothered, destroying both hope and souls in the process.

    That would imply that the insincerity of someone pretending not to love is far more damaging and dangerous than the insincerity of any others…which, incidentally also implies that the ones we love are more dangerous than the ones we hate…or don’t love…so be careful who you give power to in your life…you could be signing your own death warrant in the process…that is, the death of your soul and any passion you have for life.